


Everyone Else Is Doing IT

by uberneko_zero



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst and Humor, Fanfiction, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, Resolved Sexual Tension, Romance, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, Young Love, stalkers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:33:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 54,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23846044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uberneko_zero/pseuds/uberneko_zero
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black. SasuNaru & plotcentric NejiNaruto
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Curiosity Killed the...

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in 2007 on ff.net but now crossposting here. I have 2 new Naruto fics I will posting on here as well :)
> 
> (It's like mandatory for everyone to do one of these fanfiction-reading fics. Really. I read it somewhere.)
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** The series Naruto and all characters contained therein (Neji, Sasuke, Lee, Sakura, Temari, Kankuro, Gaara, Kiba, Hinata, etc.) are property of the creators (not me) and the artist who created it and made ninjas, once and for all, cooler than samurai: Masashi Kishimoto. Props to whoever else worked on Naruto and have copyrights, and I can assure you that none of them were me. THIS DISCLAIMER HOLDS TRUE FOR THE ENTIRE FIC. I do not own Naruto, and do not see a change in this as being imminent (I am very sad about this however. I'm sure you understand.). Therefore I will not be repeating this at the beginning of each chapter. Thank you.

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black. SasuNaru & plotcentric NejiNaru.

* * *

**Part 1: Curiosity Killed the**

Naruto gasped loudly, doing a double take at the glowing screen. The pixilated text swam before his eyes, and he impatiently waited for it to come back into focus so he could verify what he thought he'd just read.

"No way!" He screeched, nearly falling out of his chair. Thoughts of the impossible swirled through his head. "No way," he said again when the initial shock of horror passed.

"That's just… wrong," he found himself mumbling this to the screen his nose was suddenly in danger of touching. Him and _Sasuke_? What was the world coming to? It's not like there weren't enough girls to pair him with… Sakura, Ino, Ten Ten, Hinata… He blanched. Ok, maybe Hinata was going a bit far. He shuddered. Those fics were always the same – she miraculously was transformed into a veritable sex goddess sometime during or after puberty, and he inevitably fell in lurve with the shy (but now not stuttering girl) and after a short, perfect, mind numbing romance, they hooked up. Then again, being paired with the other girls wasn't much better, but it was nice seeing himself getting so much action.

What was it that made them put him with Sasuke-bastard? If they wanted something different, they could've always thrown him in with Temari. That was a rarity.

It was maybe a vice of vanity that he lurked on fan-sites seeing what people would chose to write about him, laughing when they described him as a golden, greek god with women swooning from a mere glance of his azure orbs, though the flattery secretly pleased him. But it had become a bit dull, so he had branched out, perusing sites he had previously dismissed, and somehow he had stumbled into the world of YAOI.

He saw himself paired with Neji (made sense, with all that long hair, right? he thought), Gaara (he shuddered, the redhead was incurably psychotic, that probably wouldn't end well), Sasuke (stupid bastard, they'd kill each other as soon as kiss each other. Well – except for that one time, but that didn't count!), Rock Lee (nice guy, but GUH. Dry heaving here), Kakashi (ew.), Gai-sensei (HURL), Iruka (bleh. Incest-ish), Kiba (please don't let the dog be involved), Shino (ick. Bugs), and the list went on and on and on. But the majority, the _vast_ majority starred him and his dark haired rival. What could these fangirls POSSIBLY see as sexy about him and that smug asshole?

Clicks of the mouse could be heard in the small room. His blue eyes skimmed the text rapidly, his brow furrowed. He was, above all else, insatiably curious.

* * *

" _Naruto," Sasuke breathed, sending shivers down Naruto's spine as warm breath caressed his neck. Silken black hair brushed his cheek._

" _W-what?" he gasped out as lips found his ear._

" _The fangirls are right about us," The dark haired boy said engagingly. "You were born to give into me."_

_The words seared him, making his stomach flutter almost painfully._

_"They're – insane—," he struggled to get out as Sasuke's hand brushed down his stomach. He flushed violently "No- Not there!"_

"AAAAAAArrrrrrgh!" Naruto awoke and sprang bolt upright from his bed, the vision of Sasuke's dark eyes emblazoned on the backs of his eyes. They had no business looking like that! And he'd never seen them like that in the first place, so where was this –

"Damn crazy yaoi fangirl sites!" he moaned into his hands, falling back into bed. He'd stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, trying to unravel the mysteries of 'sasunaru' and had ended up doing nothing but warping his mind into having nightmares. The feel of Sasuke so close to him clung like cobwebs to his memory, the feel of his hand sliding down his stomach…

…was the most _horrible_ thing he had ever experienced, he told himself as his body flushed. And, it was a complete waste of time. Trust girls to find something meaningless to occupy themselves with.

Naruto threw back the sheets and shuffled off to shower. He was supposed to meet his team for training in… he looked at the clock beside the bed… one hour. Plenty of time! He hopped into the bathroom and started the shower going, waiting until the air was thick with steam before plunging under the spray. He let his mind wander to the slightly scandalous, as he was prone to do in the morning. _Sakura,_ he thought, imagining her (rarely seen) cute face. He could look forward to seeing her in just a little while…

Suddenly, the image of the pink haired girl batting her eyelashes demurely over a bared shoulder was replaced with smoldering coal black eyes, ink black hair, and a lot more ivory skin than an exposed shoulder. Naruto shook his head fiercely, trying to rid himself of the image as it tightened something low in his belly.

"GodDAMN, I'm hungry," he said loudly, trying to ignore what had just happened. He turned the water off and leapt from the shower, toweling himself off roughly. "Time for some RAMEN!" he cheered in false exuberance.

He tore down the hallway, grabbed an instant noodle cup, threw a mug of water in the microwave to heat, then hopped from foot to foot while he waited.

"Sasuke," he muttered. "Peaky bastard. Doesn't make any sense."

He looked at the microwave. One minute to go.

" _Teme_ ," he growled, "I'm gonna kick your ass extra hard today." He could just see that self-satisfied smirk on the pale bastard's face as he told Naruto how much he sucked, and would never beat the skill of an Uchiha. _Ha. We'll see about that!_

* * *

"I _told_ you that you couldn't beat me, _Dobe_."

Sasuke had Naruto pinned to the ground, a hand twisted behind his back. Naruto craned his neck to check, and sure enough the bastard was wearing his signature self -satisfied smirk.

"Arrrrghh!" Naruto yelled in frustration. He was getting his ass handed to him in this training session and, to make matters worse, those fan sites had corrupted his mind. He was unaccustomedly aware of Sasuke straddling his back, even though that was a perfectly normal position for someone executing this kind of submission hold on their opponent.

"Loser buys lunch," the dark haired boy reminded him with relish.

Naruto, full of unwarranted enthusiasm (as usual) had challenged the Uchiha straight out, proclaiming that he'd trounce him thoroughly. The dark haired boy snorted. "We'll see," he said, a gleam in his eye.

' _I'll bet you lunch!' Naruto had shouted and attacked._

* * *

"Hey… Sasuke?" Naruto poked at his soba noodles, disliking the fact that they weren't ramen, and that Sasuke had insisted on a restaurant that wasn't Ichiraku.

"Mn?" Sasuke has just taken a bite of his green curry.

"What do you know about 'YAOI'?"

Sasuke promptly choked.

"Oh my god, Sasuke! Don't Die!" Naruto jumped up and started beating the Uchiha boy on the back. Right on the snooty little ping pong paddle clan symbol. Heh.

Sasuke was waving his arms, trying to ward the blonde off so he could swallow. He finally managed - not to dislodge Naruto, but to get his food down the right pipe. He leaned heavily on the table, gasping for breath while Naruto continued to bludgeon him. " _Dobe_!" he finally hissed. He wanted to yell, but there were enough people staring as it was.

Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the front of his horrid orange jumpsuit and pulled him down into the chair next to him. He then frowned mightily and tried to resume his meal.

"So have you?" Naruto asked.

"Have I _what_?" Sasuke snarled.

"Heard of Yaoi?"

"…"

Naruto leaned in, peering at his companion with an expression that was half inquisitive, half accusatory. " _Well?_ " he demanded petulantly.

Sasuke gave up trying to eat with a scowl. His elbow was impeded by the blonde when he tried to raise his chopsticks to his mouth. "Yes," he growled, "who hasn't?!"

Naruto sat back. "Really? It was news to me! I mean, they had me paired with like, the whole universe, even YOU."

"Me and you?" the black-eyed boy repeated dumbly. "You're kidding."

"Nope. And we seem to be the most popular choice, hands down."

Sasuke looked like he'd swallowed a bug.

"Hey, Sasuke-bastard, if you knew all about yaoi, why didn't you know about _that_?"

"I try to avoid our fandom."

"Really? Why?"

"Because too many girls like to pair me with my psychotic older brother."

"Eeeeew."

"Maybe you should be glad you don't have relatives."

"Well, sorta I do. Iruka. They pair me with him. And Gaara who is also psychotic."

"Hmn."

"Sooo, if you know all about yaoi, but don't look at our fandom, what DO you look at?"

Sasuke delivered him a most withering look of disgust. "Nothing," he said.

Naruto personally thought it was suspicious that Sasuke knew enough about their fandom to know he got paired with Itachi. He hadn't seen anything like that in his precursory searches, so Sasuke must have been going deep. He made a mental note to look for Sasuke x Itachi fics. Just for a lark.

"Well, it's always nice to have a meal with such an amazing conversationalist," Naruto said by way of goodbye.

"Hn," Sasuke huffed.

Naruto grinned at the expected response, waved, and let himself out of the restaurant. He was about 10 paces away when he heard the enraged Uchiha yell after him.

"NARUTO! You were supposed to pay!"

* * *

_"'Oh, god, Naruto, you're…so… sexy,' Sasuke moaned as he writhed beneath him, his pale skin glistening with sweat."_

Naruto sat wrapped in a fluffy blanket, drinking hot cocoa, and reading what was essentially porn. Porn between him and his prickly friend/rival. It was ridiculous. It was laughable. Yet somehow, it was also kinda hot.

He tried to stay away, but his mind just kept circling back to the same thing. So here he was, hours later, riveted to his computer, feeling slightly guilty and feeling more than a little hot and bothered. Would things be this interesting if he and Sasuke really were to –

A chime sounded as a small box popped up.

 **Uchiha1 :** Stop it, Dobe.  
 **Ramenluvr :** stop what bastard?  
 **Uchiha1 :** You're on those yaoi sites, aren't you?  
 **Ramenluvr :** …no  
 **Uchiha1 :** Stuff it, Uzumaki. I've been calling your cell for over an hour now, and you always pick up.  
 **Ramenluvr :** ?!  
 **Ramenluvr :** oh shit you have  
 **Ramenluvr :** sorry? what did you call for?  
 **Uchiha1 :** Kakashi cancelled on us tomorrow. He asked me to let you guys know.  
 **Ramenluvr :** so you called sakura too? you have her number?  
 **Uchiha1 :** Well, yeah.  
 **Ramenluvr :** 48ytrwliuk4! why don't i get to have her number?  
 **Uchiha1 :** Because for some ungodly reason, you seem to like her, and all you'd do is harass her. Kakashi seemed to think it was bad idea to let you get a hold of it.  
 **Ramenluvr :** u suk  
 **Uchiha1 :** Bite me.  
 **Ramenluvr :** actually, funny that you mention that… this one fic…  
 **Uchiha1 :** I don't want to hear it.  
 **Ramenluvr :** u sure?  
 **Uchiha1 :** Yes.  
 **Ramenluvr :** ok! as i was saying, there was this one fic  
 **Uchiha1 :** Stop it.  
 **Ramenluvr :** and you were all like a damsel in distress, right?  
 **Uchiha1 :** Naruto, quit it.  
 **Ramenluvr :** with flowing ebony locks, a sultry pout  
 **Uchiha1 :** I'm warning you…  
 **Ramenluvr** : and skin like polished ivory /snicker/  
 **Uchiha1 :** #$$!#$  
 **Ramenluvr :** rofl  
 **Uchiha1 :** Don't make me come over there, Dobe!  
 **Ramenluvr :** here is an excerpt! XD  
 **Ramenluvr :** _"Oh, Naruto," The raven haired beauty sobbed, "I am trapped in this castle until my one true love comes to rescue me, but I don't think that will ever come to be."_

" _Why not?" he asked the other boy with concern, his noble features catching the predawn light._

" _No girl is ever going to scale these walls to see me. It just isn't done! Oh how then am I ever to meet my one true love?! I am doomed!" Tears welled out of shimmering ebony eyes._

" _No, Sasuke, for I have fallen in love with you!"_

_The fragile prince gasped. "N-naruto, b-but-!"_

_Naruto swept the prince into a searing kiss._

_Sasuke broke the kiss, breathless. "But we are both men! And the curse…We cannot!"_

" _I know the other part of the curse," Naruto said gravely. "You must also make love with your chosen one."_

_Sasuke nodded miserably._

" _It may be unprecedented, but I will take you as mine, and make love to you as only a man can love another man!" Naruto's eyes flashed in blue fire, their gaze determined and sensual._

_A fierce blush stained Sasuke's cheeks._

" _Come, Sasuke, let us break the curse that binds you to this tower with the heat of our love." Naruto swallowed the stammered reply as his lips descended upon the prince's. He lay them gently down upon the cold, rough stone floor-_

 **Ramenluvr :** ok I have to stop it there lol

Naruto snickered to himself and waited a few minutes to give the bastard a chance to read and reply.

But no response was forthcoming. He twiddled his fingers, and gulped down the rest of his hot cocoa. But no response was forthcoming. Finally, he couldn't take the wait any longer.

 **Ramenluvr :** you there?

 **Uchiha1 (automated response) :** You. Are. DEAD.

Naruto's eyes got wide. Sasuke was coming _here_?! Oh shit, he must really be mad! He had to run, hide, something, before Sasuke had time to-

"EEYaaaaAAAhh!" Naruto shrieked as a shadow hurtled through his window and tackled him to the floor. He could tell by the way he was held down that it was Sasuke. "Mercy! MERCY!" he cried out. "I'm sorry Sasuke, I didn't mean it!" Well, that was a load of crap. It was damn funny! He just didn't want to lose limbs and god knew what else because the bastard couldn't take a joke!

"Oh no you don't, you're getting payback for that, you little liar! Where did you find that piece of drivel? I thought the ones with Itachi were bad enough!"

"You know, you sounded more like a princess than a prince," Naruto gasped out from around Sasuke's strangle hold. More of the story floated back to him, and as it did, he began quoting parts, even though Sasuke was trying his hardest to choke off the flow of words. Naruto gasped and wheezed amidst gales of laughter.

Finally, in desperation, as Naruto's narration was fast approaching the consummation scene, Sasuke grabbed the blonde's head and wrenched him into a liplock that rivaled their first and only other kiss.

Naruto squeaked in surprise, as the brunet's mouth covered his. The touch sent heat racing throughout his entire body, followed by a sweeping ache that centered in his lower stomach. Somehow, it was the most amazing thing in the world that he felt Sasuke's tongue tentatively brush against his. His body hummed, gravitating forward into the other boy, wanting to feel more.

The sensations fled suddenly. Sasuke had pulled back. For a brief moment there was a look on his face – a sort of mix between surprise and uncertainty, before his usual scowl flowed back across his face. "That's what you get – " he said, all self-important and surly, but neither his face nor his voice was matching the look lingering in his eyes. "Now don't make me do it again!"

Naruto felt a jolt shudder through him at the thought of it - that something like THAT might happen again. _Please, yes!_

Was he mistaken, or was there a little color in Sasuke's pale cheeks?

The dark haired boy turned too quickly for him to tell. He went over to the computer, commandeering it and Naruto's chair. He began to click and navigate through the pages that were up. Naruto couldn't really see what he was doing exactly, from his angle on the floor, but he wasn't really looking anyway. The screen cast luminescence upon his friend/rival's face, lighting it in interesting ways amidst the relatively dark room.

Naruto jumped when he realized dark eyes were watching him. He swallowed past the now fast beating of his heart. A very different sort of smirk graced Sasuke's face. One that looked both evil and inviting, peaking up at one corner. It was giving him butterflies.

"I found your payback," he said in a smooth voice, pointing ominously at the screen. He beckoned Naruto closer with a tilt of his head.

"UWAAAHHHHH!" Naruto screeched as he saw his name and…. and…. Jiraya's. That was beyond gross. "Sasuuuukeeeeeee! He'd OLD! And like a perverted father figure to me! How'd you like to read you and your dad?!"

Sasuke barely reacted, but he very quickly said, "You're right." and started clicking furiously.

"Ok, _Dobe_ , this is my last scrap of mercy, I could make this a lot worse. Gaara or Neji."

"Neither!" Naruto crowed out, lunging for the mouse. Sasuke held him off easily, though he had to get creative when Naruto decided to mess with the keyboard.

Naruto fell back with an _ooof! a_ s the air left his lungs and he lay stunned on the floor. "Bastard."

Sasuke glared down imperiously. "I heard that. Now pick one already, or I'm going back to the Jiraya one."

Naruto's eye's rolled up into his head at the thought. Uech. Nooooo way. _Ok,_ _ **think,**_ _Naruto_ , he told himself. Lesser evil… lesser evil…. Neji was a stuck up asshole, kinda like the bastard, but Gaara was _psychotic_. There was no telling what would happen to him in a fic starring the redhead. He could be maimed. Or tortured. Or something so horrific his mind couldn't even come up with it.

"Neji," he said reluctantly. That had to be the safest choice, right?

"Too bad for you. With Gaara, you got to be the _seme_."

"Eh? What the hell does that mean?"

"It means in the other one, you're Neji's bitch."

"Eeeeeeeeh?" Naruto caterwauled. "I take it back! I want the other one!"

"Too late."

"But _he's_ the girly one! I mean, all that hair and all…and… "

"You think hair is the deciding factor?"

Naruto crossed his arms. "Well, he's got a prettier face too! It only makes sense!"

"I hate to shatter your delusions, but most of these fics peg _**you**_ as the _uke_ , Dobe. I'm surprised you didn't notice."

"Feh." Naruto scoffed. "Just 'cause I have blonde hair and blue eyes…"

"The workings of your brain are small and limited, aren't they."

Naruto stuck out his lower lip and made a horrible face.

Sasuke began reading aloud:

" ' _So, Naruto,' Neji asked silkily, 'what brings you to a place like this?'_

_'I uh, come here for the coffee.'_

' _Really,' he purred, 'And why would you come all the way to a gay strip club just for coffee, hmm?' "_

"HEY, I would NOT go to a strip club like that!" Naruto protested, making another try for the mouse.

"Shut up, _Dobe_."

Sasuke held him off with one arm and continued to read.

_"Neji moved in closer, and Naruto felt his pulse start to hammer in his chest. Those strange milk-blue eyes were-"_

"Ew," Naruto interrupted, "milk-blue? That sounds like – OW!"

He grumbled indignantly, rubbing the spot where Sasuke had cuffed him in the head.

Sasuke ignored him and kept reading, _"-were hypnotic. He couldn't look away, couldn't move._

_Neji leaned in, his lips almost touching the blond boy's. 'I've been watching you.' Their lips brushed lightly. 'And I think you come here for more than the coffee.'_

' _N-no I –,' Naruto squeaked as he found himself practically pinned up against the bar._

' _I think you're looking for something… or someone…'_

_Neji kissed him then, hard and demanding, and Naruto felt his knees buckle. A hand on his lower back was sliding lower, pulling them more tightly together._

' _I could be that someone,' Neji breathed against his mouth._

' _N-n-no, it's n-not like that, N-Neji-sama,' the blond stammered."_

"I would SO NOT SAY THAT!" Naruto howled, ducking Sasuke's fist as it came to silence him. "And they have me stuttering like _Hinata_ for chrissakes!"

"Not to mention, you're about to get pwned by 'girly' Neji," Sasuke observed with amusement, before continuing the torture.

" ' _I think that's exactly what it's like,' Neji twined a hand through spiky hair that shone as gold as the sun, and admired the smooth tan skin of the other boy's neck as he tilted his head back. 'You watch me too, don't you?'_

' _N-no!' he protested, weakly trying to push the Hyuuga away."_

"'The Hyuuga'," Sasuke snorted. "Makes him sound like some sort of creature or something."

"I noticed that," Naruto piped up. "They love calling you 'The Uchiha' but it makes you sound like some near-extinct animal or something. Hahaha- aah sorry." Naruto amended at Sasuke's glare. With only him and his crazy brother, who even crazier girls loved to stash him with, being the sole survivors of their clan, it was a bit of a sore spot. "'Suke sorry," he mumbled.

Wait a sec!

Naruto repeated the name in his head. Sasuke. Sa-Su-Ke. Sas-Uke.

"Sas – UKE!" He started to laugh uncontrollably. "What the hell, bastard? Tellin' me I'm always pegged as the girl when submission is in _your_ name!"

"That's it, _Dobe_! I'm finding something with you and Gai!"

Naruto gasped. _Noooooooooooooooooooo!_ He tackled Sasuke out of the chair, his only hope of staving off that horrible fate.

* * *

Sakura looked back and forth at them the next day they met for training. She had been looking forward to seeing Sasuke-kun ever since he called her the other day, even if he had sounded a bit curt then. She had never given him her number (Well, she'd _tried_ but he had never taken it) so he must've put his elite ninja skills to work to find her number, just so he could talk to her! Otherwise, why hadn't Kakashi-sensei told her himself? (A/n: because he's lazy)

But today, of all days, when she was certain that Sasuke was going to fess up that his standoffish attitude was merely a way to conceal a deep well of emotion that he didn't know what to do with, and that he had secretly been pining away – He and Naruto show up looking equally bedraggled.

Sasuke usually equated to fastidiousness. She wasn't quite sure what to make of him looking so… askew.

"Saskue-kun," she cooed sweetly, personally hating the tone of her voice when she did that, but she was convinced it's what all the guys went for.

Sasuke made no answer, but glared off at some trees as if he hadn't heard her.

"Hi Sakura-chaaan!" Naruto beamed at her.

Sasuke snorted. That _dobe_ , he was completely wasting his time with that one - the pink menace, he referred to her in his head. He sighed. She was ok when she was being useful, he amended, and not trying to slobber on him… which wasn't very often.

It was truly sad to see the blond idiot try to win her over, wasting his smiles on her when she only had eyes for Sasuke, who wanted nothing to do with her. It was a twisted sort of love triangle. She wanted him, Naruto wanted Sakura… He trailed off. To be a true triangle, he and Naruto… He and… Naruto… His mind frantically tried to process something, and he felt distinctly out of sorts. _Forget the triangle analogy_ , he thought as his pulse hammered in his head, _it was wrong. All wrong._

"Where's Kakashi, Sakura?" he asked.

"Oh! Um, he actually mentioned he might be a little late…"

"Dammit!" Naruto screeched. "We could've slept in, Sasuke-teme!"

Sakura whipped her analytical gaze back to them. "What do you mean 'we'?"

"Oh, well you see – "

"We've been training since the other night," Sasuke interrupted smoothly to avoid the trainwreck the blond was likely to have come out of his mouth. "Kakashi suggested it when he told me we'd have yesterday off."

"Oh." Sakura looked a little bewildered. "But then, why didn't you tell me about that, Sasuke-kun?" She looked hurt, and Naruto was giving him a surly look for that.

Sasuke shrugged. "Kakashi told me to train with Naruto," he said simply.

"Oh." She seemed to brighten up a bit. "So what did you guys do?"

Again the _dobe_ opened his mouth, and once again Sasuke had to cut in. "It's more than a little complicated, and not in your area of expertise, Sakura." She blushed and fawned under the attention and the almost compliment. Naruto glared at Sasuke. Sasuke glared back.

* * *

"What was the big idea, hogging Sakura all to yourself?" Naruto had his hands thrust in his pockets as they walked home, a scowl on his face.

Sasuke strolled next to him, a bland expression on his own face. "Like I wanted her hanging all over me."

"You were encouraging her!"

"How?"

"You- You were talking to her! Usually all you do is grunt noncommittally."

"I was trying to keep you from opening your big mouth."

Naruto gaped and huffed at him.

"Oh, come off it, Naruto. You don't even really like her do you? Isn't it just a habit for you to moon over her?"

"NO," he said petulantly. Lately though, in his fantasies, all the Sakuras had turned to Sasukes. And Sasuke was getting more action than Sakura ever did.

"Whatever, _Dobe_. By the way, you now owe me two meals, since you skipped out on the bill last time."

Naruto slumped forward, slouching down now as he walked. "Stingy."

* * *

TBC


	2. Naruto Loves Surprises

**Everyone Else is Doing IT  
** SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black. SasuNaru & plotcentric NejiNaru.

* * *

**Part 2: Naruto Loves Surprises**

It was official.

He had a problem.

Naruto rubbed his face with his hands. How in the world had this happened to him? But he knew how. And it was all _their_ fault. The fangirls.

"I'm sorry, _they_? What are you rambling about, Naruto?" Shikamaru asked tiredly, not only because it was one in the morning.

Naruto had been about to launch into a tirade about brainwashing, but said instead, "Uh nevermind. Forget I called."

Shikamaru sighed heavily, translating into: _Fat lot of good that does me as I'm trying to get back to sleep_.

Naruto hung up with him, and flopped back onto his bed. The glowing of his computer screen taunted him. He rolled over, turning his back to it. Can you get addicted to porn? Porn starring you and someone you never ever EVER thought about that way previously?

Naruto groaned and tried to devise a way that he could blame this on Sasuke-bastard. Unfortunately, he was completely innocent. Well, no, that wasn't true. Sasuke had kissed him -in order to shut him up- but that moment had taken over the whole of his thoughts and made his obsession with yaoi fanfics that much worse.

He'd even read the rest of that fic with him and Neji, just because he couldn't get the sound of Sasuke reading it aloud (to torment him) out of his head. The dark haired boy could read porn aloud without so much as batting an eyelash. It had been torment all right. The fic hadn't been half bad, and hearing Sasuke's smooth voice reading it made it unforgettable. He'd almost spasmed every time those dark eyes flicked his way.

A chime sounded on the computer.

 _Noooo._ Naruto pulled a pillow over his head. No chatting. He just wanted to hide within the darkness of his room and the seclusion that the early hours past midnight afforded.

A faint, muffled double chime sounded.

Who was it? Most normal people would be asleep by now, especially when they had training in the morning.

Another chime.

Naruto's heart thudded in his chest. What if it was Sasuke?

He lifted the pillow off his head, allowing his curiosity to pull him to the whirring computer. Four windows had popped up on the screen. One, an antivirus message, another was an email notification. The last two, the reason for the double chime, was an instant message, and his away message popping up in response.

 **FateHASu :** Hello  
 **Ramenluvr :** Hi FateHASu, I am currently away from my computer, please go away, I'm trying to suffocate myself.

 _Who the hell?_ Naruto wondered. He clicked on the stranger's window.

 **Ramenluvr :** uh. hi?  
 **Ramenluvr :** who are you  
 **FateHASu :** Oh, you don't know me.  
 **Ramenluvr :** …  
 **FateHASu :** I'm an author on 'Best XXX BL Naruto Slash'. I saw you've been visiting one of my stories a lot, and wanted to know what you thought of it.  
 **Ramenluvr :** er. it wasn't me. i mean, i share my computer, so…  
 **Ramenluvr :** hey, how would you know if i was reading anything or not?  
 **FateHASu :** You have to log in to the site. It allows us to track everything, and create statistics.  
 **Ramenluvr :** great. but how do you know my aim name? i didn't put it in when i signed up.

There was a lengthy pause.

 **FateHASu :** Oh, that.

There was another pause.

 **FateHASu :** I just guessed that it would be the same name as your login.  
 **Ramenluvr :** …  
 **Ramenluvr :** you realize that comes off as a bit stalkerish?  
 **FateHASu :** Does it? I apologize.

Naruto shook his head. What was up with people? Seriously. He stared at the aim window blankly, wondering what to say to freaky Fate.

A chime heralded a new message.

 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Narutoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
 **Ramenluvr :** …hey kiba  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Wassaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!  
 **Ramenluvr :** stop it dog boy  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Aw. You're no fun. What's eating you?  
 **Ramenluvr :** at the moment? a stalker i think

Naruto turned back to the stalker's window.

 **Ramenluvr :** so, are you a guy or a girl? i like to know who i'm talking to  
 **FateHASu :** A girl. Yes.  
 **Ramenluvr :** …  
 **FateHASu :** I am. Don't you believe me?  
 **Ramenluvr :** sure  
 **FateHASu :** So, what made you decide to check out a Neji x Naruto fanfiction?  
 **Ramenluvr :** er…someone i know introduced it to me  
 **FateHASu :** Anyone I know?  
 **Ramenluvr :** um… i thought you didn't know me?  
 **FateHASu :** I don't. But I might know your friend. I live in Konoha too afterall.  
 **Ramenluvr :** ….  
 **Ramenluvr :** how do you know where i live?  
 **FateHASu :** It was on the sign in form.  
 **Ramenluvr :** no it wasn't. all it asked for was a name, login, email, and password  
 **FateHASu :** Oh, I apologize. I didn't mean to assume we were from the same village, I was just so sure I read that somewhere.

 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?  
 **Ramenluvr :** dammit kiba quit it. i hate when you type like that  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Yeah? Well I hate how you type in all lowercase.  
 **Ramenluvr :** good  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** You tart.  
 **Ramenluvr :** BWAHAHAAA! bite me  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** lol  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** How is the stalker coming?  
 **Ramenluvr :** not good. they might know where I live.  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Really?  
 **Ramenluvr :** but they say they don't know me  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Maybe they DO know you, and are just saying they don't.  
 **Ramenluvr :** hmm. they also said they were a girl, but all the stalker girls i know are after sasuke and are very open about it  
 **Ramenluvr :** plus, the stalker sounded suspicious when they said they were a girl  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** That cinches it. It's a guy, and you know him.  
 **Ramenluvr :** 0.0;

Naruto leaned back in his chair. A guy that he knew… a guy who potentially writes yaoi fanfiction between him and Neji…

"ARGH! I put my real name in on that stupid form!"

 **Ramenluvr :** i'm not into naruto/neji by the way  
 **FateHASu :** No?  
 **Ramenluvr :** like i said, a friend showed it to me h- they were using my computer and login  
 **FateHASu :** Do they come over and use your login a lot? It would throw our stats off, you know.

The thought of Sasuke frequenting his house and accessing these scandalous stories, in his room, made Naruto squirm. How would that look to anyone else? Wouldn't it seem like they were fooling around? It only happened once! That doesn't mean anything.

 **Ramenluvr :** no, no, nothing like that  
 **FateHASu :** Ah good. So what drove you to access the story 22 times?

Naruto flailed in his chair.

 **Ramenluvr :** i… didn't read it all in one shot. and i don't leave windows open on my computer so i had to reopen it a lot

Naruto was sweating. Why did he feel like he was being backed into a corner?

 **FateHASu :** Don't you find Neji x Naruto sexy?

Naruto jumped up. What the hell kind of question was that? This person already knew from that form that he was, in fact, Naruto. Even if that pairing had sort of grown on him (no thanks to you, Sasuke-bastard!) he couldn't say something like that. Who knows who this person was, and what they would do with anything he said.

 **Ramenluvr :** no. i hate yaoi.  
 **FateHASu :** Then why are you reading it, hmm Naruto?

"GAH!"

 _Think, Naruto, think!_ Who could it be? A guy, a guy who knows me, a guy who is computer and yaoi friendly, smart enough to write fics and stalk me through the internet….

 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Hellooo?  
 **Ramenluvr :** shut up, i'm having a crisis!  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Fine then, noodle-head.  
 **Ramenluvr :** wait kiba! who do we know that is really smart, tricky, and potentially computer savvy?  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Er. Sasuke?  
 **Ramenluvr :** no #*$ it isn't him  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Well excuse me  
 **Ramenluvr :** who else?  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Um… I'd say Lee, but he isn't tricky, isn't big on computers, and I don't think he could fool even you on aim.  
 **Ramenluvr : -** growls- then mention someone who DOES fit the profile!  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Neji?

Naruto stared at the screen. It was a profoundly odd person that Kiba finally came up with, but somehow, he couldn't discount it. And the nickname he chose – Neji did always go on a lot about fate when Naruto first knew him…

_Now let's see if I can confirm it._

**Ramenluvr :** Neji  
 **FateHASu :** Yes?

HA! Naruto thought.

 **FateHASu :** ewhat about him?

That second part sure got typed up fast. It even had typos!

He was still playing ignorant.

Dammit… time for tactic two… blast him with personal questioning and maybe he'll slip up and answer.

 **Ramenluvr :** which site are you guys training at tomorrow? I couldn't get ahold of Lee, and I don't have your number. We need our location for tomorrow.  
 **FateHASu :** um…  
 **FateHASu :** i have to go.

Well damn. It looks like it really could be Neji! Holy Shit!

 **Ramenluvr :** i think you were right!  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** So, does Neji have a grudge against you or what? Why would he pretend to be a stalker?

Naruto fidgeted. Crap! I can't tell Kiba that Neji maybe has a thing for me and that he's stalking me because I read a yaoi fanfic with us in it that he wrote, and that I read it a lot because Sasuke was reading it to me and I couldn't get him out of my mind.

 **Ramenluvr :** i… don't… know. maybe he is still secretly mad about that sucker punch last year in our match.  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** He did seem to have a change of heart right around then. Stopped babbling about fate so much, and paid a lot more attention to you. You sure make the wrong people mad at you.  
 **Ramenluvr :** yeah….

Oh, good god, Kiba was right. _Neji **was** paying a lot more attention to me after that. I just didn't notice him so much because he'd stopped being as much of a stuck up asshole to everyone._ A few fleeting memories flashed in front of his eyes. All of a sudden the pale eyed boy seemed anything but girly and nothing short of terrifying. He was on par with Sasuke when it came to combat, each fought no holds barred and were cowing to see in action. What would happen if all that power and cunning was turned to stalking and obsession?

 **Ramenluvr :** look i gotta go  
 **Kiiiiiiiiiiiba18 :** Sure

Naruto stared up at his ceiling and wailed. "WHYYYYY?!"

* * *

"Naruto," Sakura said, "you're acting strange."

"No I'm not."

"Look, everyone thinks so, so spill it."

Naruto squinted up at the pink haired girl he used to have a crush on. Ah, he missed the good ol' days. Back when life was simple. "Who's everyone?"

It was very bright outside, but still preferable to the stuffy academy. He hated the non-combat training rotation. Bookwork was not his forte.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" she said with exasperation. " _Everyone_ , everyone." She waved her hands widely in the air.

Naruto stared down at his box lunch (Iruka had brought him one, to encourage him to eat more than ramen, and he was dutifully eating even the vegetables. But he wasn't sure if they were agreeing with his stomach. He knew Sakura wasn't.)

"Hmmn," he said.

"Naruto, that is not an answer!"

"What do you want from me, Sakura? Nothing's going on!" Nothing I can tell YOU about anyway. Keeping confidences wasn't one of _her_ strong suits. Regardless, he wasn't sure he wanted to say what was wrong to anyone. Though he almost folded and told Shikamaru. That ended in another deep sigh of irritation from his friend when he got tired of listening to Naruto's silences and frantic, cryptic muttering. Naruto couldn't blame him. "I just want to sit here, under this big leafy tree, and enjoy my lunch." _Such as it is,_ he added mentally as he poked what he hoped was a pale piece of bamboo shoot. "Please leave me alone." He had some serious issues to contemplate, like the stalker.

"Of all the nerve!" Sakura huffed. "I'm just concerned about you, and this is how you treat me?" Apparently she thought Naruto would blindly cooperate since he was known to like her.

"And how am I treating you?" he asked her, rolling his blue eyes. "Like any normal person would, instead of like a love-sick puppy? Get over it."

"FINE." A lot was in that one word. Naruto saw her light eyes narrow. "What exactly is your relationship to Sasuke-kun?"

He regarded her with all the blandness he could muster, while almost choking. "Why?"

"You've been seen hanging out a lot, and you eat lunch with each other most days…"

Naruto gave her a weird look. "We're friends. Friends do that kind of stuff."

"Since when are you friends?! You've been bitter rivals since… since forever, and all of a sudden, since that training Kakashi asked you to do, you're acting like the best of buddies!"

THAT. Naruto tried to suppress the train of thought that always sprung up where that day was concerned, and that kiss.

"We've always been friends underneath all that rivalry stuff." He took a bite of sweet omelet, and said with his mouth full, "If you don't understand it, ask Sasuke."

"Ugh!" Sakura said in disgust, chased off by his lack of manners as Naruto knew she would be.

He hadn't meant to be all that cranky, but he could hardly stand all the things swarming around in his brain. He felt more than a little wigged out about the stalker thing. He actually felt like hiding away somewhere until the whole thing blew over, or telling Sasuke so at least he'd have some good backup. He was really afraid that Neji would corner him somewhere, kick his ass, then haul him away somewhere to molest him like he did in that fic. He shivered. Could fear make him just like the weak-kneed tremulous version of himself that was in the fic? He shuddered. That must be avoided at all costs.

* * *

Back home once more, Nartuo stared at his computer.

He scrunched up his face in thought as he rocked in the chair.

'Dear Sasuke,' he started the email, 'I know that you have stalker problems…' He frowned at the oddness of using proper grammar and capitalization. 'I seem to have acquired one' He stopped. Hitting the backspace key repeatedly to erase that last bit he then retyped 'I have recently acquired a stalker, but this one is more insidious than the rest.' No need to let the bastard know this was the first one (that he knew about). 'Could you please,' his eye twitched at asking Sasuke anything so politely, but he really needed the help, 'tell me how you keep them at bay?'

He looked over what he had written.

_Dear Sasuke,  
I know that you have stalker problems…  
I have recently acquired a stalker, but this one is more insidious than the rest. Could you please tell me how you keep them at bay?_

_Naruto_

He added his name, then sent the email before he could talk himself out of it. Sasuke would be the expert on stalkers. Half the village was after his ass. Naruto wondered if he'd had to deal with any guy stalkers. He'd only ever noticed the girls. But then – maybe the guys were more sneaky about it?

He went to the kitchen to make a sandwich.

Halfway through his meal, he heard the distant ringing of his cell phone. "Aw crap!" He jumped up and raced to his room. "I was supposed to call Kiba about this weekend!" He flung clothes left and right, trying to unearth his phone. Fast approaching the last notes of his ringtone, the cellphone was almost ready to switch to voicemail. He launched a pair of cargo pants into the air, and saw it shining, bright and orange on the floor.

"HELLO!" Oops, that was louder than he'd meant to be.

Silence met his ears.

"Hello?" Had they hung up?

He strained to hear anything in the silence. Suddenly, loud rough breathing grated in his ear, and sent prickles crawling up his spine. "Who are you?!" he demanded. The breathing stopped. He hung up, then realized he never looked at the call screen. He was opening up his received calls log when the phone started ringing. Sasuke.

"'ello?"

"It's me."

"Yeah," Naruto said, getting his voice under control.

"Uh – That was me..." Sasuke's tone was almost apologetic. Almost. "I didn't realize you were so worked up over all this."

"You?"

"Yeah. I was just messing with you – seeing how bad the stalker thing was."

"BASTARD! What'd you do that for?! I nearly had a heart attack!"

"Your email was weird. It didn't sound like you."

"Still!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know the great Uzumaki Naruto was so afraid of a little stalker."

"He's not little, and –" Oh. Oops.

"He?"

Naruto sighed explosively. "Yes, I'm pretty sure it's a guy." He flopped over onto the floor.

"Hn. Well, that's… different."

"Wasn't like I got to choose who it would be, Bastard."

"See, now that sounds like you. 'Dear Sasuke' and all that… I thought you were ill."

"What was I supposed to write? 'Dear Bastard, I need help and it's all your fault?'"

"What's my fault?" Sasuke demanded.

"Um. Nothing."

" _Dobe_." Sasuke sounded like he was composing himself. "So who'd want to stalk you? And how is it my fault?"

"Um… Well, you see…" Nauto gave him a brief rundown, leaving out which story it was and how many times he'd read it, and that he suspected Neji.

"Naruto, that doesn't tell me anything. You left out a lot, didn't you?"

"…no."

"So if you don't know who it is, how do you know this guy is 'not little' as you said earlier?"

"…"

"And again, how, in any way could this be my fault?"

"Ugh. Well, you remember that fic you were reading at me to get me back for the one I sent you on IM?"

"Vaguely."

"Well, it's the author of _that_ fic, apparently."

"What made them notice you out of all the people accessing that site then?"

Naruto groaned. The truth was getting tricky right about now. If he told the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, he would be admitting more than he cared to about his recent infatuation with his friend.

"I sorta looked at it a couple times, and they saw my real name –"

"So you fancy yourself and Hyuuga now or something?" Sasuke's voice had sharpened minutely.

"Nooooo it's not like that!" Naruto wailed. "But they saw my name, my real name on the registration, and they decided to stalk me."

"I guess it makes sense. They wouldn't write about you if they weren't into you. Though I wouldn't think they'd be much of a threat – they'd have to be brain damaged to want _you_ , _Dobe_."

"Gee, thanks, asshole."

"Glad to help."

"But you haven't!"

"Whose fault is that? Not mine. You're the one who caught their attention, and you're the one who isn't telling me who you think it is."

"Can't you give me some general pointers?"

"Ok, here's one: Bright colors attract attention. Why do you thing I wear dark colors all the time?"

"Because they look good on you?"

"Do they?" There was something like amusement in Sasuke's voice.

Naruto's eyes crossed as he realized what he'd just said. "I mean, since your hair is dark it all kinda matches?" he amended.

"Well, I wouldn't wear bright orange in any case."

"But I don't really have anything else."

"At least lose the jacket. You wear black shirts under that anyway."

"Think it'll help?"

"Couldn't hurt."

* * *

TBC

A/N: Heh. Famous last words…


	3. Black is Back

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru (with a dash of Neji/Naruto)

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

* * *

**Part 3: Black is Back**

Naruto skulked through the twisting streets, berating himself for listening to the bastard.

He felt naked without his jacket, and he might as well have been with all the stares he was getting. He couldn't get anywhere without a flock of people whispering and giggling, and batting their eyelashes at him. The only plus side was that Sasuke seemed to be a bit distracted during training, but that was probably because he was used to the drooling being aimed at his bastard self instead.

"Couldn't hurt, my ass," he muttered.

 _He was making fun of me, wasn't he?_ He'd glared at Sasuke to let him know he'd figured it out, and the dark haired shinobi had actually looked a bit guilty. He'd also disappeared the moment training was over, so Naruto'd had to make the long walk home by himself.

He kicked at a rock in his path and shivered at the chill wind that had been kicking up since the sun set.

"Naruto." A cool, deep voice slipped out of the shadows to address him. It sounded familiar.

He sensed the person somewhere to his right. He turned.

"Gaara," he said, nodding in greeting.

The red haired sand shinobi stepped forward, the shadows melting back from him like water. It was creepy. But not as creepy as Gaara himself.

Gaara's strange eyes tilted up at him, a stranger smile crooking up one corner of his mouth. It looked alien on the otherwise expressionless face.

"You look good in black," he said simply, before morphing back into the darkness.

* * *

Naruto high tailed it back to his apartment, slammed the door, and shouted into the emptiness. "WHYYYYYYYY?!"

He ran back to his room and threw on his beloved jacket. He'd never take it off. He'd even sleep in it. As long as it kept them all away.

Slightly calmer with the reassuring weight upon his shoulders, he wrote Sasuke a scathing email.

_bastard,  
i never want a repeat of the horrors of today. black is what **attracts** them to you! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THAT? orange is my protective color!_

_and if gaara starts stalking me, it will completely be ALL YOUR FAULT.  
p.s. go die under a swarm of rabid fangirls._

_-N_

Naruto sent the email and noticed his inbox was flooded.

He couldn't take this.

He sent Sasuke another scathing email.

_bastard,_   
_i have 147 new messages in my box because of you!_

_-N_

He felt the need to be proactive. He needed to DO something.

Black may attract Gaara, but did it repel Neji? And if it did, would that be better or worse than having psycho Gaara take a liking to him? Then again… maybe Gaara didn't mean anything by it. Maybe he was merely complimenting his choice of colors? Somehow, Naruto didn't think so.

Well, there might be a way to find out. If he could check back through Neji's fic, he could see if he mentioned liking anything in particular, or disliking anything. He could comb the words, read between the lines, and formulate a way to save himself.

He went online, and had almost logged in, when he felt a cold wash of shock fall over him. "Wait! If I log in, he'll KNOW." Naruto blanched. "He'll think things…" Aw man! How was he supposed to do reconnaissance when the enemy could watch his every move?!

What would Sasuke do?

Naruto pondered this.

Sasuke would go undercover. Naruto's face lit up in glee. That's it! I'll make a new account, use the bastard's email to throw them off…

Excitedly, he clicked the link for 'New User.'

 _NAME: Sasuke  
USER NAME: Sasuke-teme  
PASSWORD: NarutoRulz  
EMAIL: uchiha1 at webmail . c o m (_(A/N: FF won't let me write it like an email addy. Sorry!))

Naruto grinned. "There!" He clicked 'Ok'.

 **Error:** _Name and E-mail are already in use. Please try again._

"Dammit."

Naruto couldn't be too annoyed, though. The thought of I-know-of-yaoi-but-don't-read-it-except-to-torment-my-rival-back Sasuke having an account at a yaoi site was enough to make him fall out of his chair laughing. But he didn't. He controlled his wild sniggering, and came up with another email address and name to put in.

He was a little perplexed that most of the emails he thought of were apparently already registered with the site. Hmmm. Either most of the people he knew were closet yaoi fans, or someone was blocking all the email addresses he was likely to try to set up a new account. Or was that getting a bit paranoid?

Fine then. He popped over to WebMail and set up a new email for himself. He put in something completely at random, so as not to reflect upon himself.

_Enter New E-mail: Sakur_ _a... /at webmail_ _. c o m_

He stared at the blinking cursor. What was it that Sasuke called her? Oh yeah.

_Enter New E-mail: SakuraThePinkMenace at webmail . c o m_

He finished setting it up, then went back to 'Best XXX BL Naruto Slash'.

_NAME: Bob  
USER NAME: Sasuke-teme  
PASSWORD: NarutoRulz  
EMAIL: _ _SakuraThePinkMenace at webmail . c o m_

There.

He clicked 'Ok' and this time, it worked.

"Finally!"

He looked over the splash page, before looking for the story, and noticed a ton of new ones mentioned. His brow furrowed when he noticed his name was in a lot of them. Coincidence. Surely.

He glanced through most of them, skimming and reading here and here, confirming for himself that the majority of the Gaara ones were indeed scary, and that Neji seemed to have been busy. He wondered how many of the authors were people he knew, and how many were writing themselves with him like Neji was. He sincerely hoped that Gaara did not have a creative bone in his body.

He was currently working his way through the Neji ones, trying to determine something he could use to his advantage. He decided to ignore the Gaara ones. If the psycho ever decided to dig him that way, there'd be no hope for him.

"Let's deal with one problem at a time, shall we?"

The chime of an aim window sounded, interrupting him.

 **IhaveU:** Hello… Bob. You've been busy.

Naruto screeched.

No, no, no, there was NO connection to his aim and the login he just set up! How would they know it was him? They couldn't!

 **Ramenluvr:** who the hell is bob?  
 **IhaveU:** Indeed.  
 **Ramenluvr:** what?

That nickname… it reminded him of the one Neji(?) had been using. Was it him again?

 **IhaveU:** You just can't stay away, can you? You even went to all the trouble of making another account.  
 **Ramenluvr:** i don't know what you're talking about  
 **IhaveU:** We were pleased to see that you enjoy our site so much.  
 **Ramenluvr:** i don't go to your stupid site, whatever it is. now stop harassing me!

Naruto closed the window.

A new window popped up almost immediately.

 **IhaveU:** You looked good today, Naruto.  
 **IhaveU:** I just wanted to eat you up.  
 **Ramenluvr:** congratulations, you're a freak. now shove off!

This couldn't be Neji. It didn't seem like the person he talked to last time at all. But if it wasn't him, then who the hell was it?

 **IhaveU:** It's a shame you are wearing the jacket again already.

"What the hell!?" Naruto jumped up to look out the window, knocking over his chair in the process. He clutched the windowsill, his eyes flicking back and forth, trying to find some sign of somebody person watching him. It was dark out, and the street was empty. He didn't see anything, or anyone.

He went back to his computer.

Whoever 'IhaveU' was, they had signed off.

"WHY ME?! he wailed.

* * *

Naruto hadn't gotten much sleep that night. He considered crashing at Sasuke's, and making a general pain out of himself in order to feel better, but he couldn't bear the thought of going outside where his stalkers might be able to get at him.

He pulled the curtains closed across his window, grabbed his blanket off the bed, and slept on the couch.

He woke up feeling tired and harried. Tired, harried, and late. He forgot about setting his alarm. He had just enough time to shower, and no time to eat. This was not going to be a good day.

He met Kiba on the way to the academy. Dog boy was running late too.

"Hey Naruto. You look like hell."

"Thanks."

Kiba of course, looked spry and energetic. His wild brown hair looked artfully messy, and his red facial tattoos looked brighter than usual. He grinned engagingly.

"Tone it down a bit wouldya, Kiba?" Naruto muttered tiredly. "I haven't even had breakfast yet."

"No worries, bro, I happen to have an extra poptart on me."

"Ech."

"Hey man - it's that or nothin'."

"Ok, ok. I'll take it." _I just hope it's not straw –_

"Strawberry, dude." Kiba brandished the poptart at him. "Best Flava eva!"

Naruto took it and bit in miserably. He didn't even have the strength to give Kiba shit about his wildly fluctuating ways of speaking. Surfer, pot head, hoodlum, beatnik, someone in severe need of Ritalin, and the list goes on. Kiba probably did it to assuage his short attention span. It was one of his defining qualities.

* * *

_Later in the day..._

"N-N-Naruto-kun?"

Naruto looked up.

"Y-Y-You w-were looking f-for me?"

Hinata was stuttering worse than usual. It was trying the fragile thread of his patience today. He smiled at her to try and alleviate the urge to yell 'spit it out!'

"Yes, I was. I wanted to ask you about your cousin."

She looked blankly at him.

The wind gusted through the trees in the courtyard.

"Your cousin Neji?" he prompted.

She flushed red and twiddled her fingers at an alarming rate. She looked uncomfortable. "W-W-What d-d-dd-do y-you w-w-want t-t-to know?"

Naruto reminded himself that she was the best person for him to question about the mighty Hyuuga, and that it wouldn't do to try and shake the words out of her. It might upset her even more, and he could barely understand her as it was. He tapped is fingers on the concrete bench that encircled one of the trees, doubling as a planter box, and counted to ten.

"Does Neji have a computer? I was wondering if he has IM… he's one of the only people I know that I don't have a screen name for."

Hinata shook her head.

Naruto's brow furrowed. Damn. "Really? I thought everyone has a computer these days. I mean, even Sasuke does and he's very traditional."

Hinata stared at him, a blush starting to form on her pale cheeks as she looked at him.

Naruto tried to avoid eye contact.

"Does he write at all? I mean, like not papers for the academy and stuff?"

"Y-Yes."

AHA! Progress! Maybe Hyuuga used someone else's computer for his exploits.

Hinata's hand came up as if it were going to clap over her mouth. It stopped at the last instant, and instead, brushed a stray lock of hair back from her face.

"So he writes stories, huh?" Naruto barreled on. "What kind? Do you know?"

Hinata looked vaguely alarmed. "S-S-Stories? N-N-N-No, I m-meant he w-writes poetry."

Poetry? Hyuuga?

"Do you know where he was last night, Hinata?"

She paled and shook her head rapidly from side to side. "I'm s-sorry."

"It's ok. Thanks anyway."

Hinata nodded, and bowed, then took off at the fastest walk he'd ever seen the girl perform.

* * *

Hinata raced through the bright courtyard and was turning a corner when someone grabbed her by the arm and swung her around.

Neji stood in front of her, the byakugan fading from his eyes.

He looked tall, imposing, and aristocratic, like a Grecian marble statue.

"He asked about me, didn't he?"

She nodded.

He looked smug, the small smile breaking the sternness of his face. "Just like I thought."

He hadn't been near enough to listen, but he'd been able to read lips at that distance thanks to his eyes. Unfortunately, he was so focused on Naruto, he had no idea how Hinata had answered any of the blond's questions.

"Hinata, tell me how you answered." They had gone over what she should say in case Naruto asked her anything. Neji had judged the probability of such an occurrence as being too high to ignore. She babbled something like not wanting to deceive Naruto about anything, so he convinced her by assuring her that if she assisted him, he would make sure that Naruto didn't suddenly decide to hate her guts. He wasn't being mean. No. In fact, he was… sort of… fond of Hinata, she just had a rather tiresome way of stuttering through everything she tried to say. He wasn't the only one with limited patience for it. She really needed to kick the habit and grow a backbone, and he was willing to help her help herself. As it was, she was a bit of a disgrace to the Hyuuga name.

He spared an irritated glance for his cousin. "You told him I write poetry?

"I-I p-p-panicked. He asked if you w-write, and I m-messed up and s-said yes."

"Oh, god help me," he said tiredly. And what a mess up it was. _Poetry._

Hinata tried to make her face blank, to keep her thoughts from showing. Why was she saddled with a genius shinobi for a cousin? One that seemed to have the hots for the guy she liked. _It wasn't fair!_

She consoled herself with the thought of getting to read Neji's newest masterpiece when she got home. He'd kindly made a version just for her - switching the names and editing it a bit so it would be Naruto and Kiba. She supposed Neji wasn't really so bad as a cousin after all.

* * *

A loud banging on the door pulled Sasuke's attention away from the computer screen with a muttered, "What now?"

He trudged across the landing, through the hallway, down the stairs, through the den, through the living room, and across the foyer to the front door. He briefly assessed his lack of proper attire, being clad in a dark grey t-shirt and grey cotton pants. They were clothes to be lounged in, not to be worn around company, but they were wrinkle-free nonetheless, and he looked damn good in anything he wore, so he decided it didn't matter and opened the door.

He'd barely gotten it open, when a tan arm shot out and swung the door wide. A ball of depleted energy, in the form of Naruto, pushed past him into the sizey house.

"I'm staying here tonight," he announced, dropping several bags to the floor and regarding Sasuke with a challenging expression.

"Okay," Sasuke said slowly.

Naruto blinked at him. "You aren't going to argue?"

"Why should I? This house is enormous and has more rooms than I could ever use. What do I care if you crash here?"

"It can't be just any room. It has to be yours."

Sasuke felt his heart speed up just a bit though he wasn't sure why. Naruto was looking at him earnestly, determination blazing in his eyes. They looked so very dark compared to his light blond hair - right now looking even darker with how widely they were dilated.

"Why my room?" he asked in a surly tone. "And I thought you wanted me to die by being suffocated by fangirls?"

"That was then," Naruto said, as if that cleared anything up. The blond was looking around shiftily, now he was closing and locking the door. He paused before turning around. "They're after me, Sasuke."

"What are you talking about? Who's after you?"

" _Them!_ " Naruto cried, grabbing Sasuke by the shoulders. "They're after me, watching my every move! I need you to protect me!" The blond's head fell forward onto Sasuke's chest.

Sasuke was about to push him off, but realized it wasn't entirely unpleasant to have his best friend/rival clutching to him as if he was the last hope on earth. In fact, he was mildly disturbed to discover he kind of liked it.

"Naruto," he said blandly, "What could you possibly need protecting from?"

Watery blue eyes lifted up to meet his. "Stalkers," he whispered.

Sasuke snorted. " _Dobe_ , you're one of the strongest ninja in the village, and you can replicate yourself till the cows come home. What the hell are YOU worried about?"

Naruto unfisted his hands from Sasuke's shirt and laughed nervously. "You're right." He puffed himself up. "Yeah. I can take anyone on."

"Great."

"But can I still stay here, Sasuke?" Naruto said in a rush. "Please? Just in case?"

"Uh sure."

"You're the best, Sasuke!" Naruto cheered and hugged him tightly.

Sasuke had several things go through his head, none of which he was ready to admit to. Not even mentally.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review plz, thanks guys! :D


	4. Out

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru (with a dash of Neji/Naruto)

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

* * *

**Part 4: Out**

"Psssst."

Sasuke clenched his eyes shut, and tried to ignore the pestering noise that was trying to pry his reluctant mind into consciousness.

"Psssssssst."

Sasuke pretended the noise was a potentially deadly gas leak – and still ignored it.

"PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSST! Sasuke, are you awake?"

Sasuke growled and flipped the blanket down off of his head. "YES. I _am_ awake. How could I not be?!"

"Oh. Well, you sure _seemed_ to be asleep…"

" _Dobe_ , I am perilously close to beating you to death," he hissed. "Now what the hell do you want?"

"I'm bored."

Sasuke felt his energy ball up and leave him in a rush. As if to compensate for the sudden lack of adrenaline, his eye promptly started to twitch.

"Naruto… it's TWO IN THE MORNING! Go to sleep!"

"I can't."

"What do you mean, you can't?" Sasuke snarled. He had the vague sense that he'd been dreaming about something _really_ good before his rude awakening. He also suspected he had a dreadful case of bed-head, which did nothing to improve his mood.

Naruto looked up from his sleeping bag on the floor. "I dunno. I just can't." He stared at Sasuke and gave him his biggest baby blues. "Can I sleep with you?"

Sasuke spluttered. He also turned red. But it was dark enough that Naruto probably couldn't tell, which was a good thing because the blond probably didn't mean that the way it sounded. _Did he_?

Before Sasuke knew it, his mattress rocked under the sudden weight of a bouncy, whisker-marked, idiot shinobi. He fell back as blue eyes abruptly filled his vision, his mind spinning dizzily. His heart started pounding madly as realized Naruto was hovering mere inches above him, a strange look in his heavy lidded eyes. All his previous irritation evaporated, replaced by an unsettled fluttering in the pit of his stomach.

"N-Naruto?" he said hesitantly.

"Hmmm?"

"Uh – What are you doing?"

"Mm nothing," Naruto said glibly and finished scooting to the side and under the covers. He nestled deep into the sheets and sighed contentedly.

Sasuke was perplexed.

That just now… didn't make any sense. And it **was** the dobe after all, so why was he _expecting_ any of it to make sense?

He resigned himself to his fate, scooting back under the covers and trying to keep a respectable distance between him and his best friend/rival. It was a little hard to do, even with it being such a large bed. Naruto's limbs were everywhere. He pushed them out of the way, only to have them flop back into place. He glared at Naruto. The blond was watching him with amusement.

Sasuke felt the urge to hit him and kiss him in equal quantities. The blond was being dreadfully annoying, but that knowing smile was pulling him closer. It was tantalizing. " _Dobe_ , stop it."

"Stop what?" he asked, propping himself up on an elbow. Sasuke took that moment to notice Naruto wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Everything. I need some sleep." His chest was muscled, but not overly so, his skin was as sun kissed there as it was on his cheeky little face. Naruto was looking at him as if he could see through Sasuke's shirt, and the sheets, and liked what he saw. Suddenly the bed felt extremely small. Sasuke jumped as a leg brushed against his.

"Stay on your side, or I'm kicking you out," Sasuke said, trying to keep his voice even. This was getting to a point where he might soon have to admit something to himself. The question was, would it be before, during, or after he kissed the blond senseless?

Naruto pouted. "But it's cold on the floor!"

"Use that as incentive." No, the iron will of Uchiha was strong… it hadn't failed him yet. He would not kiss the idiot, and he most certainly was not going to jump his bones. Even if at the moment, he couldn't think of anything that sounded more enticing - which was what was wrong about this. SO wrong. So wrong…. But such a temptation…

Naruto yawned, "Fine, Sasuke-teme." He turned onto his side, away from Sasuke.

Sasuke found himself presented with the smooth expanse of Naruto's back. He bit his lip, and valiantly fought the urge to touch, to taste… _What the HELL am I thinking_? Sasuke quickly ended that perverse train of thought by flipping on his side, away from Naruto, trying to pretend he wasn't sharing his bed with the other boy, and telling himself he wasn't attracted to blond idiots.

* * *

**knock knock knock**

Sasuke blearily opened his eyes.

_**knock knock knock knock knock** _

"What the hell?" he muttered.

As he tried to sit up, he noticed one of Naruto's legs was flung over his chest. The how and why of it escaped him. But no matter. He unceremoniously dumped the blond off of him and onto the floor. A loud snore issued from the lump of limbs and blankets. Sasuke shook his head and made his way across the house, the knocking becoming more neurotically insistent with every passing minute.

Sasuke looked down at himself with distaste. He plucked at his grey shirt. One day with Naruto, and he'd acquired unsightly wrinkles.

He shrugged, deciding that getting rid of this person was a necessary prerequisite to morning coffee. He really needed it today - he could barely walk without listing into things.

"SASUKE!" the caller squealed when he opened the door. He squinted against the sun and the noise, and the brutally pink blob of hair he could just barely make out.

"Sakura," he replied.

"You're alive!" she screeched.

"Will wonders never cease," he muttered under his breath. Sasuke became more than a little irritated when she kept peering over and around him, into the depths of the house. "What do you want, Sakura?"

"Is Naruto here?"

"No." He wasn't sure why he felt the need to lie about it except that the thought of impeding whatever mission the girl was on pleased him greatly. That and for some reason, admitting the blond was there seemed like a bad move.

"But – I just checked and he isn't at home."

"So that means he must be here?" That's it. Throw her off the scent with the trademark Uchiha disdain.

"Well, why not? He said you were like best buddies or something now."

"Naruto did?" He asked without thinking.

"Yeah, and he said that you'd be able to explain it better than he could."

What was he supposed to say to that? Sasuke flailed for a convincing non-answer, wondering what Naruto had said to her. "I can't even explain it to myself."

"Explain what?" Naruto asked, peering around Sasuke. "Oh, hi, Sakura!"

Sasuke jumped.

Sakura stared.

* * *

The pink haired girl's analytical mind swung into full gear. Naruto was wearing nothing but a pair of shorts he'd obviously slept in. His blonde hair was tousled, and so, now that she thought of it, was Sasuke's. "I thought you said Naruto wasn't here?" she said accusingly.

* * *

Sasuke floundered, running more than 10 different responses through his head before discarding them all. He settled for a glare.

"Is there something the two of you need to tell me?" Sakura asked shrewdly.

"Uh…" said Naruto, looking back and forth between the girl he used to like and the boy he wanted to jump. The latter of the two had an interesting combination of annoyance and startlement on his face. Maybe Sakura had figured out about the stalker? Well, that would be surprising. Eek. He hoped she didn't know who, and how it all got started… "Well, you see, Sakura-chan, it was sort of unexpected –"

"But," Sasuke cut him off, "Naruto and I decided to work together on a taijutsu report, since he put it off long enough that it would eat into our training time."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense…"

Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief. Thank god she bought that bald faced lie. Now he just needed to get rid of her, before she voiced the suspicions still written all over her face.

"What taijutsu report?" Naruto asked in confusion. "That's not –"

"- ever going to get done if you keep forgetting about it, _Dobe_." Sasuke shot a look at Naruto, hoping he properly conveyed _'shut the hell up, and stop sabotaging me!'_ as well as a handful of expletives with his pointed glare.

He turned to Sakura. "You see what I'm working with here? Now we really do have to work on this thing, so we'll see you later, ok?"

She stood, unmoving. "Did you guys sleep together?"

 _WHAT?!_ "No!"

"Yes," Naruto said brightly at the same time.

Sasuke face-faulted.

He whipped his gaze on Naruto. _Was he a complete moron?_ Or was something else going on in that mixed up head of his? He couldn't tell if the blond was doing this to him on purpose, or if he really didn't understand Sakura's question. Regardless. "I can't deal with this," he announced, retreating into the house. "Naruto," he threw back, low enough that only the blond would hear him, "talk to her, get rid of her, just don't let her in the house."

Sasuke made his way to the kitchen, wanting nothing more than a cup of coffee and clothes that were immaculately pressed. Flawless attire was synonymous with Sasuke, and he liked it that way.

He dumped the coffee grounds into the pot, and set it to brew. While it worked itself up to a pleasing burbling noise, he considered at least grabbing a fresh change of clothes from upstairs. However, that was almost a 5 minute walk.

_What was keeping Naruto so long? Surely even he could have gotten rid of Sakura by now…_

He glanced at the glass carafe and almost a mugfull of coffee had trickled down, smelling wonderful. He waited a moment more, then poured the carafe's contents into a mug, praising the feature that allowed him to do so before the whole pot was ready.

Sasuke took a sip of coffee. It was dark and bitter, like life. He leaned back against the counter and closed his eyes, allowing the feel of steam caressing his face and the rich smell and taste to revive him.

"Ughhh, you drink it black?"

" _Dobe_ ," he scoffed. "The other stuff muddies the taste."

"Knowing you, you have it around anyway. Can I have a cup?"

"Help yourself."

"How do you take your coffee, Sakura?"

Sasuke choked, and only barely managed to not spew coffee everywhere.

"I told you not to let her in here!"

He whipped around to see the pink menace staring about the place in awe. Probably evaluating what all of it was worth, and how she would make a perfect Uchiha wife.

"But it's common courtesy to invite your guests in," Naruto said as if reciting it from a book he'd read somewhere.

"I'm not common, not courteous, and this is NOT your house!"

"But, Sasukeeeeeee!"

"NO. Get out." If the blond couldn't follow ground rules, he wasn't allowed to stay.

Naruto gave him wavering blue eyes, laying it on thick. "But Saaaaasuke…"

"OUT."

Sakura was watching this exchange with obvious interest as they were shuffled into the foyer.

"You too," Sasuke added, looking at her.

"Are you always this cranky after getting some?" she asked.

He slammed the door in their faces.

* * *

Naruto pouted as he sat on the stoop. Sasuke wouldn't let him in, even after Sakura left. He wouldn't answer his phone either, Naruto suspected.

This was problematic.

Naruto was still clad in nothing but his boxer shorts, sitting outside on the stoop. He thought of bearing the indignity of it all, and running home. But, along with his clothes and cellphone, the keys to his apartment were also inside in Sasuke's room. Shit.

Shouting and beating on the door was starting to attract unwanted attention.

Naruto had an idea.

His boxers looked vaguely like swim trunks….

He walked around the Uchiha mansion until he found a hose, then he doused himself with it, shivering and cursing at how cold the water was. He was going to pretend he'd just been at the community pool. Yeah. Who cared if it was mid-October and a bit cold for swimming? It was his only chance. Now he had to get to Kiba's.

* * *

Kiba wasn't home.

Neither was Shikamaru.

Naruto was wracked with shivers, but he dutifully re-doused himself each time to supplement his ruse.

Tired, cold and hungry, he passed his locked apartment on the way to Shino's. They weren't the best of friends but they'd helped each other out before. After that… who could he try if Shino wasn't home?

Naruto trudged back by his apartment to try at Ino's. Unfortunately, if he went there, this was all bound to get back to Sakura. He stopped walking. That would complicate everything. The girl loved to gossip.

"Naruto?"

Naruto turned at the sound of his name.

"Uh. Hi?"

"What are you doing out here… like that?"

"I was at the pool, buy I uh- forgot my keys and kinda locked myself out."

"That is unfortunate." Neji paused. "Perhaps I could loan you a change of clothes, until you get this sorted out?"

Naruto's stomach rumbled.

"And a meal as well," he added.

"Uh- that's not necces- aaACHOO!" Naruto's body broke out in goosebumps after he sneezed, and his stomach growled.

Neji looked at him blandly.

"Well, ok… if you insist." Neji _might_ not be the stalker, right?

* * *

TBC

**A/N:**

hahaha, naruto, you dope XD

apologies to anyone expecting _h.o.t._ sasuke on naruto action this chapter.

it will happen. be patient. i never write anything on the straight and narrow.

**_NOTES on Japanese usage-_ **

Some of the terms I use, or will use, are so common, I don't even really think about using them. But then I remember how some people are watching Naruto via the English dub (CoughsplutterDies) and some people have only read the manga, and some people don't know anything about it except for what they got from reading a few fics…

SO! FOR THE FIRST AND ONLY TIME. Here are the terms:

 **-san:** added to the end of a name, it is the equivalent of Mr. or Mrs./Ms./Miss., polite

 **-kun:** added to the end of a name, it is like '-san' only less formal. Used between people who know each other a bit better than average (although with close friends, etc, this would be dropped.)

 **-chan:** added to the end of a name, it is often used between close friends (though sometimes family members, etc as well), and is seen to be rather 'cute' though it is almost exclusively used to refer to girls. Naruto uses this way of addressing Sakura, even though they are not close, because he wishes they were close, since he likes/liked her. This of course, pisses her off, but he doesn't seem to notice. Then he got the hots for Sasuke somewhere along the line, and he just refers to her this way out of habit XD

 **-teme:** you bastard. Naruto also calls Sasuke 'Sasuke-teme' sometimes, which boils down to Sasuke-bastard. My, Naruto is a colorful one, isn't he?

 **Ichiraku's:** A Ramen shop, Naruto's favorite restaurant. Japanese ramen is quite a different animal compared to those little $0.29 packets we eat (It can have meat, and vegetables, etc. like any other soup). Naruto likes the instant kind as well, just not as much.

 **-Sharingan:** Red spinny eye(s). With powers. Ha. Ok, but they let you see things almost ahead of time, like a kick before it lands. In just enough time to react, dodge whatever. Like precognition. Most other ninjas find this ability to be pesky. This is a bloodline limit for the Uchiha clan, and many of them got a little full of themselves over it. Could be why someone decided to wipe them all out - except for Sasuke. He was just so darned CUTE when he was little! (That, and he wasn't at home when it happened.)

 **-Bloodline limit:** Special skills or abilities that pass from generation to generation, within a certain family or clan. These things cannot be 'learned' by ninja from outside groups. Like, if you have brown hair, you can't learn to make yourself a true blond or redhead just by trying. Even if you can sometimes fake it.

 **-Byakugan:** Hyuuga bloodline limit. (Neji and Hinata both have this.) Often accompanied by very, very pale blue eyes that appear to be without pupils. Freaky. When invoked, this ability allows you to hyper focus, sometimes over great distances, on an object, person, etc. Excellent for scouting ahead on missions. Somehow, its users can see through trees and the like, but it is unknown whether they also see through everyones' clothes.

 **-Taijutsu:** "Kick, punch, it's all in the mind!" cough This is essentially hand-to hand combat. Lee's specialty, since he doesn't have any special ninja powers. TT poor kid. All ninja train in this area, as well as in flashy supercool ninja moves that make things 'splode or require a bunch of fancy sign language (a.k.a. handseals).

 **-seme/uke:** I already explained this, but here it is in the most simplified version possible. Seme top. Uke bottom. Though you can have uke with more kickassedness then their semes. Gender roles do not apply here unless you want them to. I don't want. I like to keep my boyz on even ground, where top or bottom is switched up easily between the two. Pitching, catching… it's all good.

I think that is everything I've used. If not, well, Wikipedia can assist you. I'm out.


	5. An Evening at the Hyuuga's

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

* * *

**Part 5: An Evening at the Hyuuga's**

Neji was calm and a bit deadpan on the walk to the Hyuuga estate, Naruto observed, but that was typical of him. Boredom, arrogance, nonchalance… they all fit Neji to a T. His face was blank as they strolled down the street but he kept pace with Naruto, not bothering to hide the fact that he knew this blond, shivering, half-naked wreck that was walking next to him. It was decent of him.

"S-s-so, Nej-ji, w-what brought y-you to m-my s-s-side of t-t-town?" Naruto made conversation through chattering teeth. He hugged his arms across his chest. His flesh was cold. He was beginning to seriously doubt that the stolid Hyuuga was the stalker. Wouldn't he show more than a flyspeck of interest in him if that were the case?

Neji paused, looked at him with critical eyes, then began to untie and unwind his loose, white gi top. Naruto stared at the white bandages circling Neji's ribs and up over one shoulder as the dark haired boy shrugged out of the garment. Pale eyes met his and a shock ran through him at their quiet intensity. He stood stupidly as Neji draped his top over his bare shoulders.

"T-T-Thanksss."

The tall boy nodded and resumed walking.

Naruto noticed people staring and he scampered to catch up to him. Could someone like Neji _really_ be the stalker? He was so… unemotional. Distant. True, he used to also be hostile. But since when did lack of hostility make you write gay fanfiction? Naruto shook his head. And it was actually well-written, if he let himself admit it. Besides that first story there were plenty of others, and both of them were portrayed differently every time. So he was a total _uke_ in the first one… but he wasn't always. (He looked up the word _uke_ after Sasuke mentioned it and discovered that it was the Japanese term for the submissive person, and _seme_ meant the dominant person. Though sometimes it referred to personality traits too, and not just who was on the top or bottom in bed.)

Naruto glanced at Neji and tried to picture him writing anything involving two boys in a liplock. He couldn't do it.

"S-So, I hear you w-write poetry?" Naruto couldn't fathom that one either.

"I… dabble," Neji said stiffly.

"C-Can I r-read some?" Maybe he could compare the writing style so he could disprove his suspicion once and for all, and move on to finding the real stalker.

"I'd rather you not."

Hmn. Neji looked mildly uncomfortable. You could tell from the tiny crease that formed just beneath one eye. "W-Why?"

"They aren't very good."

They arrived at the gate to the Hyuuga estate. Neji pressed his fingertip to a small box outside the gate, and a latch could be heard clicking open. Naruto wondered briefly if you had to go through this process in order to get back out again.

"Neji-sama!" A cluster of servants swarmed them as they entered. They were all female, attractive, and in ages ranging from 20-35. It looked suspiciously like a harem.

Neji pulled Naruto along by the arm, trying to break free of them, a long-suffering expression on his face.

"Neji-sama! Can I get anything for you?"

"Neji-sama, who is _this_?" one teased.

"Oh look how cute he is! Such bright hair!"

They chattered excitedly.

"Oh, and the bluest eyes!" another added, catching him under the chin and tilting his face up so they could all see.

"What odd marks, they look like whiskers! How adorable!"

Naruto felt his cheeks going hot at all the attention. He felt like a horse being sold off at an auction. Were they going to look at his teeth next?

"Oh my, he isn't wearing much under there," a brave girl tugged the hem of Naruto's borrowed top, giving them all a good flash of skin.

"LADIES."

Silence fell like dead leaves as the Hyuuga boy spoke. His voice was imbued with the resonating power of the commanding family. It was not a voice often heard. They looked at him with something just short of awe.

"A hot bath and a meal for my friend," he intoned.

"Yes, Hyuuga-sama."

"Right away."

"At once, sir."

"Of course, Neji-sama!"

" _Right_ away!" one giggled.

Neji swung his arm around Naruto and pulled him away from the building frenzy. The girls were starting to gather around again. Their excitement was flooding back quicker than he'd expected. He dodged through and around them, breaking in to a run to loose the more persistent ones.

They ducked into a space between buildings. Naruto leaned tiredly against a wall. "D-Dude!" he said as he panted for breath. "What's with _them_?" Ah well, at least his teeth had stopped chattering.

"I apologize."

"That's a HAREM. I mean, what, do you get lonely at night?"

"That's my uncle's doing." Neji glared at him. "And you think I can't find my own companionship?" His pale eyes were doing that intensity thing again. "That I would resort to THEM?"

"Er… I didn't mean it like that?" Wow, guess there was some emotion under the surface after all. "But- uh… what's wrong with them?" Naruto had to ask. He couldn't really see what a person wouldn't have liked about the girls, at least on the outside. Besides, Neji had gotten quite close to him and it was making him nervous. He swallowed.

"They're not y-" Neji groped for words. "They're all wrong."

"Oh."

"And they should not have acted like that towards you, Naruto." Neji's eyes swam hugely in front of him. Naruto's heart began pumping double time as a hand brushed his cheek. "I truly regret that." Fingers curved smoothly under his chin, tilting his face upwards and lips were suddenly pressing down upon his.

Dimly, Naruto noted that Neji was an excellent kisser.

Not so dimly, Naruto noted the fact that they were not alone.

"The bath is ready, Neji-sama," a young woman said with a smirk, then flounced off.

"UM – " Naruto said pointedly, getting back to the fact that Neji had just been snogging him and looked very guilty indeed of being the stalker after all.

"Naruto - " Neji looked at him with surprise and shock very obviously chasing over his face. "You'll have to forgive me – I… don't know what I was thinking." Neji rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I've been a bit out of sorts."

"Neji – "

"I'll just leave you to your bath then… third building on the right. Excuse me."

And like that, Neji was gone.

Naruto stood there for a full 10 minutes, trying to process everything. He'd been so sure that Neji wasn't the stalker, then he was sure that he WAS. Now, after that scattered apology, he just wasn't sure again. Besides that, he felt vaguely guilty about getting kissed. Was it because of Sasuke? Because if it was, he could forget that right now. If the bastard could lock him outside with the wolves, then he didn't deserve to be liked in the first place. Not that he liked him or anything. It was just hormones. Just like what happened with Neji. Naruto felt a newborn sympathy for the long haired Hyuuga boy.

Naruto nodded to himself, and went in search of the bathing house.

* * *

"N-N-Neji?"

"Yes, Hinata, what is it?"

Neji was in his room pouring over some random haiku books he'd borrowed from the library. He would have just purchased them like he did anything else, but the thought of actually _owning_ poetry books made his skin crawl.

He read:

_"Blackened evening sky  
Moon shifting across the darkness  
Waiting for the sun"_

He'd picked Haiku as it was more likely he could fake something simple. Hopefully, he hadn't just wrecked his chance with Naruto and there would still be a need to fake this poetry rabble.

" _In and out  
Of the river's mouth_  
 _A tongue of sea"_

That one was… interesting. But, it was translated from another language, so the syllables were off.

" _Moonless winter night-  
a billow of rising fog  
hides the distant pines"_

Let's see… 5:7:5 syllables.

Here goes.

Neji scribbled onto some paper.

_The sun in your face  
The wind runs through my stunned soul  
I am always yours_

Neji looked at it with disdain. This haiku stuff was harder than it looked.

He decided to try something more conventional. According to the book, seasons and nature were popular subjects.

_A white bird ascends  
A flickering in the sky  
So bright against blue_

"Um, Neji," Hinata said again.

"What is it?" He didn't look up from his studies.

_Silly girl cousin  
Think you not that I'm busy?  
Hasten yourself to leave me_

HA. He was getting better already.

He looked up at his cousin, still expecting her to say something.

"I-I heard s-something… f-from one of the girls." She meant THEM.

"And?"

"S-S-She s-said you w-were k-k-k-k-kissing N-N-N-N-Naruto," she wobbled out.

"Don't be ridiculous. Why would Naruto be here?"

She shrugged, tears in her eyes. "I thought I s-s-saw him too. Then I h-h-h-heard a l-lot of commotion in the b-b-bath house… I thought m-maybe you-"

"The bath house?"

She nodded.

"What kind of commotion?" It was hard to tell which days his uncle would feel spry enough to goose his hand-chosen help.

"It sounded l-like the g-girls…giggling, and l-laughing… and I thought I h-h-heard Naruto…"

Neji stood abruptly, knocking his pencil onto the floor. "TRAMPS!" He ran out of the room past his shell-shocked cousin.

* * *

"H-Hey! Quit it, Nina, or whatever your name is!"

"Look, Chala, he blushes so adorably!"

"I mean it! I do NOT need help washing-"

Naruto had found the bathhouse. Unfortunately THEY found him IN the bathhouse. He was naked, trying to hide under the bubbles, while swarms of them teased, poked, and prodded him. All under the guise of 'assisting' him.

A few of the girls had hopped into the ridiculously expansive bath, thankfully with at least their under shifts on, and had him cornered in the back. The rest were topside, giggling and gawking.

This would perhaps be a situation befitting a fantasy for some, but to Naruto, it was a nightmare. He desperately wanted to bat them away, but he couldn't justify hitting a girl. "Back off!" he warned them. "If you get hurt, I won't be held responsible!"

"Nonsense," one cooed.

A hand groped his ass.

"SEXY NO JUTSU!" He hollered.

A puff of pink smoke _fwooshed_ out, startling the girls. When it cleared, they were all amazed to see a buxom blonde girl with long pigtails.

"See?" Girl-Naruto said desperately, "I'm a GIRL."

The two serving girls glanced at each other and shared a smile.

"Even better," the one he thought was Nina said.

"I swear to god I'll hit you!" Girl-Naruto shrieked as they closed in.

"WHAT THE **HELL** IS GOING ON IN HERE?!"

The bystanders fled, as Neji stormed into the bathhouse, scattering like mice. Nina and Chala looked like they wanted to do likewise.

"Ninae, Chala, where's Naruto?" he demanded.

So, it wasn't 'Nina' after all, Naruto thought. He slid down under the water a bit, slightly cowed by a furious Neji.

The girls remained silent, lists of punishments they were likely to receive rattling through their heads.

Neji looked around a moment, then noticed Naruto's pigtailed hair and blue eyes just above the waterline. He strode over to the edge of the bath and looked down at him.

"Why are you a girl?" he demanded of the blonde.

Bubbles broke the surface as Naruto mumbled a reply from underwater.

"Chala, towel," Neji barked over his shoulder before the girl had made out of the bathhouse.

She brought him a towel and stood at attention, hoping he didn't want any thing else.

"You're dismissed."

Neji reached under the water, grabbed Girl-Naruto by the arm, and hauled her out of the water.

"What are you doing?!" Girl-Naruto screeched, trying to cover up vital parts of her anatomy.

"It's not like any of that is real," Neji replied, nonplussed. He thrust the towel at Girl-Naruto.

Naruto grabbed at the towel being offered, and smacked Neji's hand away.

"No one has ever seen me naked," the blonde 'girl' wailed. "I always had that pink smoke in strategically placed areas!"

Neji sighed. It wasn't like he _wanted_ to see Naruto's girl form naked. "Naruto, please turn back to normal." He couldn't take any more shrieking or crying.

Girl-Naruto sniffed and wiped at her eyes. " _Henge_."

Neji sighed with relief as Naruto became himself once more.

"What was the big idea, you lech!" he shouted. "I can't believe you saw my girl form NAKED!"

Ah well, at least this he was used to. "Speaking of violation," Neji said as Naruto secured the towel tightly about his waist. "What the hell was going on in here?"

Naruto turned red and looked vaguely jumpy. "I was accosted," he muttered.

"Explain."

"Well, I was looking for the bathhouse, which took forever with your lousy directions. I finally found it and after I got in they all found ME." He shuddered. "I got groped six ways from Sunday and turned into a girl, hoping that'd cool them off or, at the very least, allow me to hit them. But they kept coming and I still couldn't hit them since **I** knew I was still a boy."

Neji sifted through the rambling and was pretty confident nobody had been able to grope Naruto too thoroughly. He would've made more of a fuss. "I'll make sure uncle punishes them," he assured the blond. "Also, you are more than welcome to stay in one of the guest rooms tonight if you are unable to make other arrangements. We can send our locksmith to your apartment in the morning."

"Thanks, Neji." Naruto beamed at him. He was so thoughtful.

Neji nodded gracefully. He tried not to look, but Naruto looked damn sexy in nothing but a towel.

* * *

"Can I use your phone?" Naruto asked after one of the tastiest meals he'd ever eaten.

"Of course. I have one in my room."

Neji led the way down a darkened hall with high white walls and a dark, gleaming hardwood floor.

His room was simple and elegant, with a desk alcove facing the foot of a large bed with a thick black comforter and rich mocha colored sheets. On the far end of the room was a large area of wall to ceiling windows looking out of the zen garden and fish pond.

Naruto allowed himself a moment of open-mouthed surprise.

Neji handed him a sleek black flip phone. "You can use this," he said and sat down at his desk, soon becoming enmeshed in the books and papers scattered there.

Naruto thought for a moment, then dialed his own cell phone number.

"Who's this?" a surly voice answered on the third ring.

"Guess who, bastard."

"Naruto?" Sasuke's voice had lost its initial waspishness.

"Yeah."

"Where are you?"

"None of your business." Naruto felt his irritation at being locked out of the house without his essentials coming back to him.

"It is my business! Tell me where you are, Naruto."

"But if you're so concerned," Naruto continued, as if Sasuke hadn't spoken, "you can drop me my stuff tomorrow. At the Hyuuga residence."

"WHAT?!"

Naruto hung up on him. He felt a bit better now, getting one in on Sasuke like that. Served him right for being such an asshole earlier.

* * *

"Something wrong?" Neji asked Naruto distractedly, once he'd hung up.

_Who was he talking to? What stuff was he referring to? Didn't he say he'd locked his keys in his apartment?_

"Nah."

Neji forced himself to abstain from questioning the blond about it. It would only set the other boy on edge.

"Whatcha working on?"

Neji made a face. "Haiku."

Naruto peered at him. "Why do it, if you don't like it?"

"It is sort of a side project, to expand my horizons."

"Neat. How do they work?"

"Hmmn." Neji gathered his thoughts for an explanation, brutally aware all the while that a curious, oblivious, and beautiful Naruto was practically perched on his shoulder. His whisker-marked cheek was inches from Neji's. "Basically you compose three lines of text, the first and third should have 5 syllables, and the middle line should have seven."

"Can I see some of yours?"

Neji balked, but he couldn't say no to those eyes. "Ok, but I only have a few. I've been studying for a few weeks and only started trying to write them today."

Naruto liked them, it seemed, and even laughed at the cousin one. "That one's about Hinata, isn't it?" he grinned.

Neji allowed himself a small smile. "She does have bad timing I'm afraid."

"Let me try one?" Naruto asked.

Neji handed him a pencil and paper.

Naruto scrunched up his face in thought, scribbled madly, then brandished his finished work.

_Soon to be the king  
Of this shinobi village  
Sasuke can bite me_

Neji smirked. "Still calls you dead last, does he?"

"Yeah, but I'll prove the bastard wrong."

Neji froze inside, mind in full swing… _bastard… bastard… isn't that what Naruto called the person on the phone? Could it have been Sasuke? Why would he have Naruto's keys?_

"These are kinda fun! Let's do some more!"

"I'll need a stiff drink if I'm going to stomach that."

"What do you drink?" Naruto felt his curiosity pique. His experience with alcohol was limited due to his tight budget.

"Saké." Neji noted Naruto toggling between hopeful and slightly downtrodden. "Would you like some?" he ventured.

"Sure!"

About 48 Haikus later, few of which had any class or followed the rules only haphazardly, Naruto listed on his side in a druken haze.

Neji was drunk as well, but in control of his facilities. Mostly.

Neji poked Naruto. "You should go to bed. I'll take you to your room."

"No, I wan shtay here," Naruto slurred, curling around the arm that was prodding him.

Neji felt his face heat as the blond nuzzled his hand and blinked up at him. Neji prayed for strength as those deep blue eyes looked back at him from under lowered lids. "On the floor?"

"Weeell, bed'd be nishe but too high."

"I'll help you." Neji scooped Naruto up of the floor, wondering why he was burdened with pesky morals when the object of his affections was so nearly his. Naruto clung to him sleepily, inadvertently nuzzling his neck. Neji laid him on the bed, his heart pounding when Naruto didn't let go.

"Naruto?"

Naruto pulled Neji down and kissed him. It was not the most efficient of kisses, but the desire was there. Neji was torn. He desperately wanted to do with the blond all of the things he'd written about, and more. But, if he took advantage of this right now and Naruto was only acting this way because he was drunk… Neji choked down his impulses and pulled away from the blonde.

It took some doing to extract himself. He watched Naruto for several long moments, and saw that he fell asleep rather quickly.

Neji's body was humming with pent up energy. He decided to distract himself from the blond, and put it to good use.

Hours later, putting the finishing touches on a new story, Neji saw a window pop up, partially obscuring his type editing program.

 **Ramenluvr:** hi.

Neji glanced at the blond knocked out on his bed and looked balefully at the screen.

 **fateHASu:** Hello. Who are you?  
 **Ramenluvr:** you know who I am.  
 **fateHASu:** Do I?  
 **Ramenluvr:** yes.  
 **fateHASu:** …  
 **Ramenluvr:** i'm the guy you are stalking, remember?  
 **fateHASu:** I don't think so.  
 **Ramenluvr:** changed your mind, eh? good. stay away from me.  
 **fateHASu:** Certainly.  
 **Ramenluvr:** ?  
 **Ramenluvr:** why are you being so agreeable?  
 **fateHASu:** I have no problem staying away from a fake.  
 **Ramenluvr:** what?! what makes you think i'm a fake?  
 **fateHASu:** Naruto isn't at home… is he.

Neji refrained from taunting the impersonator. Chat logs could be copied and saved. He didn't need incriminating evidence against him.

 **Ramenluvr:** I'll find you, you asshole.  
 **fateHASu:** I look forward to it.

Neji wondered who had access to Naruto's screen name and login.

* * *

_knock knock_

"Neji-sama," a voice whispered at the door.

Neji awoke rather quickly. He felt a stab of annoyance towards the whisperer, as they were disrupting his precious time with Naruto. He sat up, pulling away from the grabby blond he'd just been entangled with. Aforementioned blond growled at the cold air now replacing Neji, and curled in on himself.

"This better be good," Neji said to his door.

He let loose his worst look of displeasure upon the messenger. They cowered in terror. "N-Neji-sama. The l-last of the Uchiha is here to s-see you."

Pale eyes flicked to a clock beside the bed: 2am. Sasuke had indeed waited till 'tomorrow' but had made it as much an inconvenience as possible. Neji made himself presentable, but allowed his hair to stay free and mildly disheveled. It was sure to make Uchiha livid.

"Neji-sama," a guard greeted him at the gate.

Neji nodded at him.

"He said he had things for this Naruto fellow. I took them in, but he won't leave. Says he needs to see him. And I says, 'well, son, maybe you need to come back during more respectable hours,' I says."

"Thank you, Shinta. I'll talk to him. You may leave your post for the time being."

"Sir." Shinta bowed and ducked away.

Neji pushed the intercom at the gate. "Bastard?" he said, pitching his voice like Naruto's, knowing the crackling of the intercom would take care of the rest.

"Naruto? What are you doing here? I thought you said Hyuuga was - "

Neji invoked Byakugan to peer through the gate at his enemy.

Sasuke looked up and around, suspicious. He also looked worried and pissed.

"Neji is what?" he asked in Naruto's voice.

Sasuke's hand left the intercom button. He turned his back, and was doing something Neji couldn't quite make out.

 _Oh, fuck_ , Neji thought when he realized Sasuke was using a cell phone. Uchiha grinned maliciously. He was calling the number Naruto had called from earlier! If Naruto answered, he'd know Naruto wasn't the one at the door.

Neji waited. Apparently no one picked up. Uchiha's plan had failed. Thank god Naruto was a sound sleeper.

Sasuke mashed the button to the intercom. "I know that's you, Hyuuga."

"So what, Uchiha?"

"Let me in!"

"Why?" he asked coldly.

Sasuke looked frustrated. "Naruto's only staying there because I have the keys to his apartment," he shot back. "I also have his cell phone, and the clothes he was wearing. Didn't you wonder at his state of undress, Hyuuga?"

Neji had wondered. A lot.

But he wasn't rising to the bait. "If that is the case, then I wonder how you could expect to keep him when you leave him wandering Konoha, looking for a kind face and a helping hand, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and a lot of water, insisting that he'd gone to the pool and returned home to realize he'd locked his keys in his apartment."

Sasuke had nothing to say to that.

"Are you sure he even wants to see you?" Neji taunted. "Maybe he won't want to bother getting out of my bed to do so."

Sasuke was livid. And he hadn't even had to bother to let Uchiha see him. Neji smirked. "Sweet dreams, Sasuke," he cooed in Naruto's voice; then he disabled the speaker system.

Shinta had returned.

"Hyuuga!" Sasuke's voice could be heard faintly, as he shouted at the gate. "Hyuuga! Touch him and I'll kill you!"

"Er –" the guard said uncertainly.

"Don't mind him. Just wait for him to go away."

"Yessir," Shinta replied with a deep bow. "Thank you for the break, sir."

"My pleasure."

* * *

TBC


	6. Fanfiction, Stalkers and Competition

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

 **A/N:** Since FF.net and other editors don't allow certain symbols necessary for typing out different emoticons within character's chat dialogues, I translated it as best as I could. 

* * *

**Part 6: Fanfiction, Stalkers and Competition**

Naruto settled down into his computer chair, overjoyed to be home at last. Now he could finally get back to what he'd been wanting to do for days.

Read fanfiction.

So what if one of the authors was stalking him? Who cares. He'd probably never meet them face to face, and he had more important things to worry about.

Despite all this, he still signed in as Bob.

He stretched as he waited for his login to be processed. On the brink of exciting new scenarios and smuttery, life felt pretty damn good.

He was still mad at Sasuke for locking him out, and for not bothering to see him at Neji's place. _I mean, wasn't it a bit asshole-ish to just leave my stuff there outside the gate where anyone could've picked it up?_

So, he avoided all the SasuNaru and went for NejiNaru. Now that he was almost positive that Neji wasn't the one writing these things, it took a lot of the pressure off.

He opened fateHASu's author page, to see what they'd been up to. Oooo. Several new stories, one of which was posted yesterday. See? It couldn't be Neji. _I was there the whole time, and Neji didn't so much as look at a computer._ Naruto opened up a fic and started to read.

' _I can't take it anymore,' the Hyuuga said angrily. 'He always comes between us.'_

' _Is that what this is about?' Naruto replied. 'You know I haven't even seen him in years.'_

_'Liar!' the dark haired boy shouted, rounding on the blond. "I saw him with you last night.'_

_'We're just friends, Hyuuga,' the blond said coldly. 'And who are you to dictate what I do?'_

_'Just friends…' the words hurt, stabbing as if they were being engraved upon his heart. The Hyuuga floundered as the cruel words opened a well of despair, and seething anger._

Naruto blinked. "Wow, I'm being an asshole. Poor Neji."

_'Goodbye,' Naruto said, with one more glance from his deeply blue eyes._

_Neji grabbed Naruto by the arm. 'I won't let you go back to him. I won't let you slip away from me.'_

'Let go.'

' _No.'_

' _Neji – '_

_But Neji wasn't listening, He pulled the blond to him, their lips crashing together as Neji steered them backwards to the bed._

_Naruto struggled against him._

_Neji deepened the kiss, wringing a moan from the other boy. They fell onto the mattress, Naruto struggling weakly as his mouth was plundered. Neji pinned the blond's hands over his head in one hand. Naruto strained against the bonds and met Neji's eyes._

' _Neji, we can't.'_

_Neji's free hand slid down the tightness of Naruto's stomach. 'We can, and we will.' Neji's hand slipped low._

_Naruto gasped as the roving hand encircled him, sliding easily under the barrier of cloth. 'Uhhhhn Neji' he moaned, shaking his head and writhing. 'Pleeease s- stop'_

' _Aren't we more than just friends, when I know the feel of you in my hands? When I know the taste of you, and the sight of you naked beneath me?'_

_Naruto shuddered at the words, each one stoking a fire within him. 'No, I –'_

' _He won't be good enough. He won't understand like I do, how you crave submission.'_

_Naruto shook his head, secretly reveling in the pressure on his hands, the forcefulness of the Hyuuga's voice and hands._

Wow. Neji sure had a kink here, didn't he? Oh wait – Neji didn't write it… So I guess that means **I** have a kink, Naruto thought to himself. Both he and the written version of himself seemed unhealthily reactive to bondage/submission.

/chime/

 **fateHASu:** Hello Bob.

 _Well, well, well,_ Naruto thought, _look who it is._

 **Ramenluvr:** hello stalker  
 **fateHASu:** Enjoying the latest?  
 **Ramenluvr:** yeah  
 **fateHASu:** … Still reading?  
 **Ramenluvr:** mmmhmm. right in the middle. who knew bondage could be so much fun?

 _Whoops._ Naruto made a face. Being friendly with the stalker was one thing. Giving the stalker ideas was not the smartest.

 **fateHASu:** Hahaha. I admit, this one is a bit twisted.  
 **Ramenluvr:** so i see. who is the mystery pain in the ass neji mentioned?  
 **fateHASu:** I can't tell you that. ;)  
 **Ramenluvr:** huh. maybe i'll figure it out on my own then  
 **Ramenluvr:** back to reading…

' _Ah! Neji!' Naruto cried out. He buried his face in the sheets as the dark haired boy nipped a trail up his back and over his neck. Neji's fingers were wrapped around his hips, digging in, as he pulled Naruto back against him._

_Naruto's body was tingling all over, and there was a tugging ache building low in his belly. He could feel the Hyuuga moving within him, sparking off the sensations that were rapidly overwhelming him._

' _Why do you want him?' Neji growled at the back of Naruto's neck, making him shudder. 'He's nothing but an asshole to you.'_

' _H-Habit?' Naruto gasped out. 'He was my first… it's j-just…hard to… forget-Ah!'_

' _I'm not letting him have you. You're MINE.'_

_Naruto felt the possessive voice thrum through his entire being. His body tensed up, holding tightly onto Neji from within as Neji stroked him from without. A sharp bite on his ear sent him over the edge. He cried out loudly, Neji echoing him soon after._

Naruto read the last of the fic in a haze, feeling flushed. That was the most… 'complete' fic he'd read by the author so far. A blush blazed across his cheeks as he remembered Neji's accidental kiss.

 **Ramenluvr:** uh wow. i think i've been rendered speechless  
 **fateHASu:** In a good way?  
 **Ramenluvr:** _yes_  
 **fateHASu:** :)  
 **Ramenluvr:** you seem to be getting more x-rated than before. it's really good  
 **fateHASu:** I had some recent inspiration.  
 **Ramenluvr:** 0.0 such as?  
 **fateHASu:** Hahaha. Oh, Naruto, that would be telling.  
 **Ramenluvr:** dude. it still bothers me when you whip my name outta nowhere  
 **fateHASu:** Why?  
 **Ramenluvr:** because!  
 **Ramenluvr:** it makes me remember you are writing about ME doing all that stuff  
 **fateHASu:** That's the point though, isn't it? Wanting to see you do all those things…  
 **Ramenluvr:** o.o stop being creepy  
 **fateHASu:** How is that creepy? Who wouldn't want to see you like that? Drowning in pleasure…  
 **Ramenluvr:** plenty of people. in fact, i daresay MOST  
 **fateHASu:** You underestimate your appeal.  
 **Ramenluvr:** …  
 **fateHASu:** I'd eat you up in a heartbeat.  
 **Ramenluvr:** ((way creepy))  
 **fateHASu: -** chuckle- Maybe I should just come over and tie you up. I'd love to see you in nothing but bondage.  
 **Ramenluvr:** D:  
 **fateHASu:** Would you cry out my name, if you knew it?  
 **Ramenluvr:** no  
 **fateHASu:** You would for Neji, why not me?  
 **Ramenluvr:** "oh, fateHASu, yes!"  
 **Ramenluvr:** eh. it just isn't the same  
 **fateHASu:** Just to hear you moan for me… names are so inconsequential.  
 **Ramenluvr:** u r sick  
 **fateHASu:** Mmmm Maybe so.  
 **fateHASu:** I'm sick for you, Naruto. I think about you all the time.  
 **Ramenluvr:** are you trying to make me stop talking to you?  
 **fateHASu:** lol  
 **Ramenluvr:** i mean it, i am so close to cutting you off  
 **fateHASu:** I know, I know. But you are just so fun to tease.  
 **Ramenluvr:** …  
 **fateHASu:** Why does it bother you so much, Naruto?  
 **Ramenluvr:** what?  
 **fateHASu:** That anyone would find you desirable…  
 **Ramenluvr:** …well…  
 **fateHASu:** That anyone would want to push you up against a wall and have their way with you. That anyone would find you devastatingly sexy…  
 **Ramenluvr:** 0.0  
 **Ramenluvr:** /cough/  
 **Ramenluvr:** i don't think anyone thinks that  
 **fateHASu:** No? Well, I'm sorry to say that you are quite unobservant. Or, perhaps naive is more appropriate?  
 **Ramenluvr:** hey, watch it now **  
fateHASu:** Don't you remember how many heads you turned when all you did is forgo that orange jacket of yours? Or how many of them watched surreptitiously as you paraded down the street in nothing but boxers the other day.  
 **Ramenluvr:** HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?  
 **fateHASu:** I'm observant. Especially when it comes to you.  
 **Ramenluvr:** who are you, damn it! I want to know  
 **fateHASu:** /liiiiick/  
 **Ramenluvr:** U#(&$!  
 **fateHASu:** Heh heh. You're **adorable** , Naruto. Such a natural little uke.  
 **Ramenluvr:** fuck you  
 **Ramenluvr:** how come you don't bother neji? why is it all about me?  
 **fateHASu:** I'm a seme. I know my prey, little firecat. Reluctant uke that you are, you'd put up one hell of a fight, then submit so deliciously.  
 **Ramenluvr:** that's it.

Naruto closed the window, his eyes still huge. Whoever his stalker was, they certainly were ballsy, he'd give them that.

Naruto's cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Naruto, it's Neji."

"Hi, Neji!" Naruto chirped into the phone. Boy, did he feel awkward considering the story he'd just read. He ignored the flush he felt grace his cheeks.

"I was wondering if you had spoken with your Uchiha friend about the other day?" Neji's voice was deep and strangely captivating.

"Uh - I haven't… yet. I'm still sort of too mad to."

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Naruto… How was it that you were dressed the way you were when you got locked out?"

"Er." Well, hell. That was not a simple question to answer. "I had just woken up, and then Sakura came over, and I invited her in but Sasuke was apparently feeling bitchy so he kicked us both out."

"You sleep over other people's houses dressed like that?"

"Um…I didn't really think about it I guess. I don't usually stay over other peoples' houses..." Naruto trailed off, feeling a little sullen. No one was beating down the door to invite _him_ for sleepovers. As it was, he'd forced himself into Sasuke's house unannounced.

"Naruto, you are more than welcome to stay here any time you like." Neji paused delicately. "I know living alone can be difficult at the best of times."

Naruto felt inexplicably moved. "Th-Thanks, Neji. I – don't know what to say." Few people seemed to remember that Naruto lived by himself, that he could barely cook well enough to sustain himself – hence the ramen habit, and that he was a people person in forced solitude so he was prone to loneliness. Some days it just SUCKED.

"You don't have to say anything. It's a standing offer."

Naruto smiled. Why hadn't he become friends with Neji sooner? He was SO nice. Not like _some_ people. Even so, they didn't know each other all that well. "Say… do you maybe want to hang out again some time? Like, when I'm not having a crisis?"

Neji laughed. "You sound so uncertain. Do you think I'll turn you down?"

"Well, you must be busy and all – I didn't want to impose -"

/beep beep/

"Oh! Hey, Neji, hang on a sec. I have another call."

"Ok."

Naruto switched over to the other line. "Hello?"

"Naruto." Attitude was just imbued within that one spoken word.

"What?" Naruto snapped.

"Why haven't you been returning my phone calls?" Sasuke's voice was clipped and sharp. It pissed Naruto off.

"Because I'm MAD at you. Surely you understand how this works?!"

"Why are you mad at ME? Neji – "

"What does any of this have to do with Neji?" Naruto yelled. "YOU are the one who locked me outside, with no means of communication and no hope of saving my dignity since I was practically streaking through the village, trying to find some DECENT person who could lend me some freaking CLOTHES!"

"Naruto, I'm sorry about that – " Sasuke started impatiently.

Naruto cut him off. "To top that, you don't like the person who actually helped me and, like an asshole, you tossed my stuff into the street where anyone could have snagged it!"

"I didn't! Naruto, you don't understand, Neji – "

Naruto hung up on him. Why did Sasuke have to BE like that? Why couldn't he be normal and well adjusted, or at the very least NOT a jerk off? It was like he _thrived_ on being difficult.

"I'm back," he said to Neji.

"You sound annoyed."

"That was Sasuke."

"I see."

"GOD!" Naruto fumed. "He really can be such a bastard sometimes! He couldn't even really apologize or anything. In fact, he told me I had no right to be mad, and was somehow trying to blame this on _you_."

"Maybe you should avoid talking to him, if it works you up this much."

"Yeah. Maybe you're right."

/chime/

Naruto cursed.

He swept his irritated gaze over to the computer screen.

 **Uchiha1:** NEJI IS THE STALKER, DOBE

"Hold on a second, Neji. The bastard is IMing me."

Naruto turned to his computer with a scowl on his face.

 **Ramenluvr:** yeah right. i already know it isn't him.  
 **Uchiha1:** Isn't it convenient that he showed up just when you needed help?  
 **Ramenluvr:** isn't it CONVENIENT that some bastard locked me outside in nothing but my underwear, so any stalkers out there would have easy access to me?!  
 **Uchiha1:** Naruto, I'm sorry about that. I wasn't thinking.  
 **Ramenluvr:** yeah, well sorry isn't good enough  
 **Uchiha1:** What do you want me to do?  
 **Ramenluvr:** i want you to leave me alone  
 **Uchiha1:** I can't  
 **Ramenluvr:** sure you can. just stop trying to talk to me and everything will work out fine  
 **Uchiha1:** I came to see you when I brought your stuff. They wouldn't let me in.  
 **Ramenluvr:** damn it sasuke! i'm not discussing this with you

"Naruto?"

 _Oops, I forgot I was on the phone too!_ "Crap! Sorry Neji -"

"It's alright. It's just that I have to go."

"Oh." Naruto felt vaguely disappointed.

"Call me some time when you want to get together."

"O-Okay!"

"Bye, Naruto."

"Later, Neji."

 **Uchiha1:** Where the hell did you go?  
 **Ramenluvr:** i was on the phone, asshole  
 **Uchiha1:** With who?  
 **Ramenluvr:** neji : P  
 **Uchiha1:** So you don't care that he's your stalker? You're totally over it?  
 **Ramenluvr:** how do you manage to sound so sarcastic even when you type?  
 **Uchiha1:** Don't change the subject.  
 **Ramenluvr:** don't tell ME what to DO!  
 **Uchiha1:** You asked for my help with this in the first place! **  
Ramenluvr:** maybe i changed my mind.  
 **Uchiha1:** When you spent the night there, did you or did you not sleep in Hyuuga's bed?  
 **Ramenluvr:** : …

Naruto thought about that. He was a little hazy on the specifics, but he did sort of remember falling asleep in Neji's room. But, when he woke up in the morning, Neji wasn't there. Did that even count?

 **Uchiha1:** (waiting)  
 **Ramenluvr:** yeah, i guess i did. but it's not like he slept there too.  
 **Uchiha1:** I don't believe that. He made it clear that you were both in HIS bed.  
 **Ramenluvr:** what do you mean 'made it clear'?  
 **Uchiha1:** I TOLD YOU. I spoke to Neji at the gate, and he wouldn't let me IN!  
 **Ramenluvr:** not this again  
 **Uchiha1:** How else would I know you slept in his bed?!  
 **Ramenluvr:** goodbye sasuke

Naruto closed the window, and exited the program. He didn't feel like being bothered anymore tonight.

He drifted to his bed and allowed himself to fall onto it face-first. Stupid Sasuke. He'd planted a seed of doubt in his mind about Neji, and Naruto resented him for it. Neji had been nothing short of wonderful. But, try as he might, he couldn't quite shake his doubts. Would Sasuke really make something like that up, just out of spite? He hadn't seemed like he was lying, but then Naruto tended to believe everyone by default.

* * *

The cavernous maw of the living room was cold and desolate in the moonlit hours before sunrise. Sasuke knew this well, as he'd taken to pacing there when he couldn't sleep. Which had only become a problem as of late.

He kicked at the pristine white carpet, wondering what had possessed his parents to put in a color that was so hard to keep clean and wondering how he was going to deal with the Hyuuga problem. Foremost in his mind, however, was how to get Naruto on proper speaking terms. The blond could be exceedingly catty when he was unhappy with you. And for Sasuke, who had rarely even seen that side to him, it hurt. This of course annoyed him to no end - that his feeling of well being, as it were, could be so affected by the whims of an idiot.

" _Dobe_ ," he muttered.

Sasuke caught his reflection in the large glass panels that overlooked a small, private section of garden before the high wall that bordered the Uchiha property. He saw his mouth turn down, and his eyes narrow in distaste at the poor planning of such an area. What was essentially a glass wall should have been strategically placed in front of something more worth looking at. This was pitiful – 11 feet of grass, and negligible plants, and a giant gray wall.

Putting that aside, Sasuke regarded his reflection with a critical eye. Was there any way that he was physically inferior to Hyuuga? His eyes were large and dark in the perfect paleness of his face and his black hair merged with the darkness. His features were decidedly androgynous which he suspected was one of the things that could make fan clubs spring up all around you. Hyuuga suffered some of the same – but his fans had learned to be more secretive. No. Neither of them was inferior to the other physically. They were merely… different.

Hyuuga.

What was it that Naruto saw in him?

Sasuke clenched his fist. He knew, somehow, that he was losing Naruto before he ever had him.

As soon as he had begun to realize how he maybe sort of felt towards the blond, things had already gone wrong. He had inadvertently sabotaged it all and sent Naruto like a moth to Hyuuga's flame.

That day that he kicked Naruto and Sakura out of his house, he hadn't really thought everything through. He had overreacted to discovering Sakura's presence because he usually let down his guard when it was just him and Naruto. It felt like an ambush. He'd trusted Naruto not to bring her in, and yet there she was, eyes glued to his head like she was deciphering a puzzle. Maybe it was a bit much to say the word betrayal crossed his mind, but it wouldn't be inaccurate. There was a reason he didn't let people past his frosty exterior. It kept them at bay. The last thing he needed were people like Sakura professing to understand him, and his _feelings_. Naruto never said such things, but he did understand him. Underneath all their bickering was a camaraderie that went deeper than any bond Sasuke had ever had. He was sure the blond felt the same way.

So how was it that Hyuuga was so easily taking Naruto away from him? He had Naruto in a web of crafty words and maneuverings, reeling him in so expertly that Naruto wasn't aware of the slightest danger.

Sasuke grit his teeth.

What was that old proverb…? 'Know thy enemy'?

Yes. That was it.

Sasuke abandoned the living room and made the trek back to his room. He sat down at the computer and flicked the power switch on. The black machine hummed and whirred, life stirring in its fabricated mind.

Sasuke had no problem finding fateHASu's (a.k.a. Hyuuga's) author page. He glared at the screen when he saw the date on the newest one. He opened it and started to read, his scowl growing darker by the moment.

* * *

Naruto yawned.

It was finally Friday, and the end of the stupid academic rotation. He grinned sleepily at the thought of getting some real training in. He'd really gotten lax without Sasuke to…

Oh damn.

Starting Monday, he'd be dealing with Sasuke face-to-face again. "Arrrrgggghh!" he yelled. Starting Monday, he'd be dealing with Mr. Holier-than-thou-I-know-everything Sasuke and the repercussions of their fight. He felt his stomach turn at the prospect of dealing with that glare for the next slice of eternity.

"Don't think about it," he said to himself. "You have three full days before you are doomed to get ulcers. Enjoy them."

Naruto stared at his ceiling, suddenly unmotivated to get out of bed. As soon as he did, the day would begin and the next thing he knew, it would be Monday. The thought of it gave him a feeling that was a cross between having butterflies and heartburn.

* * *

Sasuke had dark circles under his eyes the next day, but no one had the nerve to mention it. Some of the fan girls cooed in concern, but one sharp look from him and they backed off quicker than usual. Sasuke hated the academic rotation. He didn't mind the research and studying, he just despised being in range of so many drooling, vapid-headed admirers. That, and he barely got to see Naruto. He wondered what the other boy was up to at those times… probably hanging out with all of his friends.

Sasuke slid into a seat in the middle of the classroom. He steepled his hands in front of his face and stared ahead fixedly, ignoring the usual stares. _Don't they know that's bloody irritating?!_

He let his mind wander as more of his fellow ninja trickled in. He had been up all night, drinking antacids as he read the Hyuuga's exploits with HIS Naruto. It didn't tell him much except that Hyuuga had a fertile imagination and more than a few kinks. However, the first one he read, the newest addition, hinted at recent events. This could be bad or good...

The Good: Sasuke suspected that he himself was the "asshole" being referred to as an annoyance on the Hyuuga's part and a hang up on Naruto's. It was possible then that Naruto still thought and talked about him, which must annoy the longhaired boy if he'd bothered to write about it.

The Bad: Judging by when this had been written, and the increased XXXed ness when compared to the other stories, it was very likely that something had happened between them. Then there was the fact that fan-fiction-Neji told fan-fiction-Naruto not to talk to or see fan-fiction(Sasuke?). And currently, Naruto was not in fact on speaking terms with Sasuke.

Sasuke refused to pursue that train of thought. Entertaining that story's legitimacy for even a millisecond had made Sasuke's eye start twitching, and his head was now starting to pound with gusto.

Someone took the seat next to Sasuke.

"Hello, Uchiha."

Sasuke's eyes slid to the right of him to see Hyuuga's typically blank, yet superior expression marked by a slight smirk.

Sasuke decided to ignore him.

The instructor called the assembled group to order. Sasuke still hadn't spotted Naruto, but didn't fancy craning his head to see if the blond had just arrived late. "Where's Naruto?" he asked the pale-eyed boy to his right without looking at him, figuring the Byakugan user wouldn't have had a problem.

"He isn't here."

"What?" Sasuke looked up. "Where would he be? He knows they give special instructions to teams on the last day."

Neji's expression was amused and the smirk curved across his lips. "Maybe he was _tired_ , Uchiha," he said suggestively.

Sasuke saw red for a moment, wanting to rip Hyuuga's throat out. He could almost feel the flesh between his fingertips.

 _'Are you sure he even wants to see you?'_ he remembered Neji taunting him. _'Maybe he won't want to bother getting out of my bed to do so.'_

Then Sasuke remembered where he was and that he would be suspended for doing something like murdering Hyuuga, even if it _was_ justified. He couldn't afford that now. Soon, his team would reassemble and Naruto wouldn't be able avoid him. He'd be able to confront the blond and make him see reason. He leaned back in his seat, not remembering moving forward. "Anytime, Hyuuga," he growled.

"EVERYONE!" the instructing shinobi called out. "We are going to try something different this time. As a test of your team instructors' leading skills, as well as your own capabilities with team work and adaptability, we will be mixing up the teams and their leaders for this rotation."

Sasuke stiffened. What the hell was this about? New teams?

Neji laughed softly next to him. Obviously, he saw this as an opportunity. He had the chance of being placed on Naruto's team, whereas Sasuke, currently a team member, had zero chance at remaining so.

The instructor began barking out the groupings.

There was a tense silence between the two dark haired shinobi. The cards were falling, and neither one knew who would have the upper hand.

"Sasuke, Sakura, Lee!"

Sasuke cursed. _How the HELL do I not get Naruto, yet I keep Sakura?!_

"Tough break, Uchiha." Neji smiled infuriatingly.

"Neji – " the instructor called out, then paused to consult his list.

The tension crackled between Neji and Sasuke. This was the moment of truth. Would Naruto be –

"Neji, Kiba, Hinata!"

Neji cursed.

Sasuke smiled.

The question was, who would Naruto's new teammates be, if it wasn't Sasuke OR Neji?

They waited, and waited. Endless teams were announced. Finally, the instructor was nearing the end of the list. It wouldn't be long now.

"Ino, Shino, Kankuro!"

Oh, that's right. They still had some of the visiting sand-nin.

"Chouji, Temari, Sebiki!" Temari made a sound of disgust.

"Naruto-"

Neji and Sasuke snapped to attention.

"Is Uzumaki Naruto in attendance?" The instructor's eyes swept the room.

Neji stood. "Sensei. He is not here, but I can relay the team assignments to him."

The instructor looked disapproving, but he nodded. "That will suffice. Please inform him that if he fails to appear on the day assignments are distributed, he will be facing immediate suspension."

"As you wish." Neji bowed slightly and retook his seat.

Sasuke seethed. Why hadn't HE thought of doing that?

"MOVING ON," the instructor called out, rustling his papers. "Uzumaki -dead last- Naruto…" there was a rumbling of amusement and catcalls from the assembled ninja, "Shikamaru, Gaara!"

Neji and Sasuke started and shared a quick look of horror. _The_ _psychopath!_

They tuned in unison, surreptitiously glancing upwards to where the sand-nin was seated next to his siblings. His face looked blank at first glance, but if you looked closely, you could see the fragmented smile disturbing the stillness there.

One strange, black outlined eye rolled down to regard them. It was not a friendly look. Neji was closer to that gaze, and Sasuke could practically feel his muscles tense.

This three-ringed circus had just become a hell of a lot more complicated.

* * *

TBC


	7. On the Topic of Gaara

Everyone Else is Doing IT  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

* * *

**Part 7: On the Topic of Gaara**

_"It isn't that simple… Naruto."_

" _What do you mean?"_

_A voice breathed in his ear, raising the hair on his neck._

" _Narutoooo," it hissed out, the voice deepening, becoming more strange. "Soon you'll be miiiine." A hand grabbed the back of his neck and lips were at his throat. Sharp._

_"No, wait! You don't understand! The noise, Gaar-"_

_There was a distorted tone humming, throbbing…_

" _Soon, even that won't matter," the voice said. "Soon, you'll be all mine."_

_The tone changed, warped, solidified… It was maddening and implacable. It was-_

Naruto awoke with a start, realizing groggily that the noise had been his cell phone ringing this whole time. He struggled out of his tangled sheets.

"'llo?" his voice was low and faint, scratchy with sleep. He shook his head to clear some of the utterly disturbing dream he'd been having from his head. "Hello?"

"Naruto?"

"Yeah, 's me."

"Where were you today, man? It was crazy! They did some weird shit, and all the teams are mixed up, and –"

"Woah. Slow down, Kiba. What are you talking about?"

"The TEAMS, man. They're all jacked up! Well, like I'm with Hinata again, and Sasuke got Sakura again, but I've also got Neji, and you have Shikamaru and – " Kiba broke off.

"And WHO? I mean, not that it matters, right? How cool is it that me and 'maru are on the same team? We could totally slack off, but with his brains, we'd come out ahead every time! What could be better than –"

"Gaara."

Naruto did something very complex and unexpected which involved the inhaling of his own spit and choking on it for a full 40 seconds. "Excuse me?!"

"You heard me," Kiba said sullenly. "I'm going to get more time with the girl I like, but I'll be too busy worrying about _your_ safety to actually enjoy it."

Gaara. Naruto shuddered. There was something undeniably off about the kid.

He recalled the blood-red hair, the crossed arms, the challenging glare that somehow felt so empty. The cold voice –

"AAAARRGH!"

"What?" Kiba yelled. "What is it?"

The dream! That was Gaara in the dream! Saying those things… biting him… He shuddered. Yech.

"Nothing," Naruto said, feeling wholly disturbed. Was the dream some sort of premonition? Or some freak paranoia?

"Don't tell ME it was nothing! What the hell made you –"

"Look, Kiba, I gotta go. Nature's calling." And with that, Naruto hung up and bit his nails.

* * *

"Tsunade's busy," Shizune said firmly, with arms crossed over her chest.

"I don't CARE if the hag is busy!" Naruto shouted after being rebuffed for the fourth time. "This is IMPORTANT."

"I'm sure it is," the dark-haired woman said calmly. "However, it will have to wait."

Naruto blew out an exasperated breath. He turned to go, replicated two clones to hold her off, then faked past her. He heard their temporary lives ended almost instantly, but it didn't matter. He'd made it inside.

"Hey grandma!" he called out with annoyance.

He heard something that sounded like the rhythmic puffing of air. It seemed to be emanating from the other side of the large leather desk chair, which was at the moment swiveled with his back to him. He walked closer. The noises sounded suspiciously like snoring. He crept up behind his adoptive aunt.

"HAG!" he shouted.

Tsunade woke with a very undignified snort, casting about blearily. "Naruto?!" she snarled when her eyes fell on the snickering blond.

"Oh GOD, that was priceless!" he gasped out as he doubled over.

"I'll show you priceless, you good-for-nothing brat," she threatened, while straightening her clothes and smoothing her long ponytails. "What are you doing in here? How'd you get Shizune to let you in?"

Naruto beamed at her.

Tsunade groaned and rubbed her temples. "Thank god I never had kids."

Naruto looked at the young looking woman who showed only half of her true age. He grinned, feeling real affection for her despite how much he always tried to annoy her. "Aw, you know you love me."

She gave him a bland look. "And to what do I owe this," she waved her hand vaguely, "unexpected pleasure?"

Naruto frowned, the reason for his visit surfacing in his mind. "I need you to switch my team members."

"What? Why?" Tsunade started sifting through some of the overflowing paperwork crowding her desk.

"Well, Shikamaru's ok… but…."

"But Gaara isn't?" she asked sarcastically.

"Well, no." Naruto crossed his arms across his chest and thrust his lip out. "Couldn't you switch him with Sasuke or something?" He was still on rocky terms with his friend /rival, but if he was honest with himself he was actually disappointed they wouldn't be working together starting Monday. So yeah, he'd been dreading a confrontation, but he'd gotten used to the idea. Now it just felt like resolution would never come about. It's not like he and Sasuke hung out in their free time. Not that he didn't want to, but he was sort of afraid Sasuke would taunt him over it on top of saying no.

"Kid," she said levelly, "Who would you recommend I put Gaara with?" Her tone demanded he think about it seriously. As a Hokage would. She did this sometimes. Urging him to be higher-minded, to think of the greater good, as sort of a mental training to help him realize his dream to one day take her position as the overseer of the village. "Keep in mind his personal history and who is likely to not send him into a fit."

"Anyone but me," he huffed, determined not to let this pass for 'the good of the village'. She'd tricked him with that line before.

"Naruto, you are the most likely not to set him off."

"How do you figure THAT, old bag? I wear bright colors, jump around a lot and emit loud noises. How am I NOT going to set him off?"

"You did fine with Sasuke. He was horribly touchy, yet he didn't kill you. This isn't so different."

"Yes it is!" Naruto shouted. "Gaara mutters to himself and clutches his head and he's completely psychotic!"

"And if he does snap, who do you think is most likely to be able to handle him head on, huh?" her tone had gotten surly.

Naruto scrunched his face.

"Exactly. YOU. Now stop whining." Her glare softened a little as she gazed at the dejected form in front of her. "It shouldn't be a problem at all," she tried to cheer him up.

He looked up sullenly.

"Besides, I think he likes you."

This didn't have its intended response. Tsunade clapped her hands over her ears as Naruto wailed.

"Stop that RIGHT NOW, BRAT!" She was close to chucking a paperweight at his head. At this rate, he'd never be happy. She had to find a way to get rid of him. She groped mentally for an idea and one came rather quickly to the fore. She grimaced as she removed her hands from her ears to scribble something down on a piece of paper. She folded it, sealed it with wax and pushed the Hokage mark into the thick, pliant red pool as it cooled.

"BRAT," she shouted over the caterwauling. "Make yourself useful and take this to Uchiha."

"Why?" Naruto sniffed.

"Because I said so," she said with annoyance. "And I'm sure I don't have to tell you not to read it, since it is official business."

He shook his head.

"And if you do, I'll KNOW," she threatened.

"Yeah yeah," he grumped. _Geez, what do I look like? A messenger pigeon?_

"Thatta boy, now get the hell out outta my office."

Naruto grabbed the missive and slouched out of the room, feeling no better leaving than he did going in.

Shizune glared at him as he emerged.

He grinned at her and blew a kiss, her instant rage making him feel a bit lighter. Annoying people sometimes held a special sort of joy for him. He laughed as she nearly chucked her pet pig at his head, and made a hasty exit.

* * *

Sasuke and Neji waited outside Naruto's apartment for a long while, under the pretense of informing him about the new team line ups.

Sasuke couldn't let Hyuuga get more alone time with Naruto, so he followed the pale-eyed boy there as soon as they were dismissed from the academy.

Now both of them were eyeing each other, each not wanting to be the one to leave first in case the blond DID show up.

Finally, Sasuke couldn't take it anymore. He'd been standing out here for the better part of an hour, with nothing but the prickly silence of true rivalry to keep him company. "Hn. _Dobe_ ," he muttered at the door.

"Have fun, Hyuuga," he said over his shoulder as he started home.

He told himself he didn't care if Naruto got jumped by Neji, and that the blond probably wasn't coming home anytime soon anyway. He told himself that Naruto wasn't even talking to him, so what did it matter? None of these things were particularly convincing, and none of them dispelled the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

It had only been a few days that Naruto had been ignoring him, but it felt like longer. And now- he was forced to admit that he was really starting to miss the loudmouth, and his crazy grins, and their bickering. He scowled. He always thought he was merely tolerating the idiot. Since when did he get so attached that he was brooding over him?

"OW!"

Sasuke looked up. He'd automatically pulled out his key and attempted to unlock his door. He blinked to see Naruto standing on the stoop in front of his door, clutching his stomach.

"Geez, you bastard! You don't have to stab me!"

"Naruto…" Sasuke stared dumbly at him, waiting for his heart to climb out of his throat and back in place. "What are you doing here?"

Naruto scowled and looked away. "Delivering a message," he said sulkily, "Then I'll be out of your hair, so you don't have to bother stabbing me again."

Sasuke felt his chest clench, with anger and something else.

He reached past Naruto to unlock the door. It brought them close, as Naruto didn't budge. Sasuke averted his eyes, trying to ignore the way their bodies were nearly touching and the way that made his heart thud sickly in his chest. The door swung open and he slipped around Naruto, glancing back to see very blue eyes watching him with an odd look. It was gone again just as quickly, replaced with a surly expression.

Sasuke didn't ask Naruto inside. He merely left the door open, knowing the blond would follow. He couldn't leave without delivering the message after all.

He ignored the irritated huffings and complaints as Naruto griped about being made to wait. Sasuke rummaged through the fridge and pulled out two cokes. He cracked one open and sat it on the counter in front of Naruto with an even glance. Then he cracked his own can open and took a swig as he waited for Naruto to react.

Naruto looked torn between annoyance and confusion. He settled for the former. "I never said I wanted a coke," he challenged.

"So you're going to waste it then?"

Naruto hmphed at him. "Would serve you right if I did," he muttered, taking a sip.

Sasuke was convinced that if he could just get Naruto to stay around him for a little while, their stupid fight thing would blow over. The coke had bought him a little time. Though not much. The blond was gulping it down defiantly.

Sasuke sighed as the empty can hit the counter with a tinny sound.

"I'm supposed to tell you," Sasuke started, hoping the blond wouldn't cut him off, "that the team assignments have been changed this rotation."

Naruto blinked at him. "I know."

"You know?"

"Yeah. Kiba told me. That's why I went to see Tsunade, and all she did was make me a carrier pigeon." He thrust the missive towards Sasuke.

"Naruto…" Sasuke felt the moment slipping through his fingers. "Since I won't be seeing you Monday… or maybe for a while…" he floundered as he tried to put his thoughts into words.

Blue eyes wavered, dropping the hostility for a moment. But only for a moment. Naruto shook the extended paper at Sasuke, who was forced to reluctantly accept it.

Sasuke blinked at the paper.

"Er-" he said uncharacteristically.

"What?" Naruto's expression was nothing but burning curiosity as he tried to peek over the top of the paper.

"This is from Tsunade?"

"Yeah."

A single line of text read:

_Make your move. He likes you._

Sasuke stared at the 'official' document, not knowing what to think. He looked at Naruto. "Are you sure she said to give this to me?"

"Yup."

"And she asked you _specifically_ to deliver it?"

"Yeeeeeess," Naruto said feeling like he was answering for the 10th time. "Man! I don't see what the big deal is. Let me read it."

Sasuke glanced at the 2nd and final line of text.

_Let him read this, and your chances are shot._

"No."

"Sasukeeeee!" Naruto whined. "Let me read it, bastard!"

"Can't," he said. "Hokage's orders."

"Hmph. You would be all anal like that."

Sasuke kept Naruto at bay while he pondered the missive. _'Make my move?'_ What the hell did she mean by that? _It's not like I – nevermind. I know exactly what she's trying to imply. But it isn't like that._ He stared at the blond and tried to think of him in that light. It was all too easy. His mind happily supplied an unlikely scenario where Sasuke pulled Naruto into a devastatingly hot lip lock, causing those baby blues to flutter shut and a moan to escape his mouth.

"Sasuke? Whatcha thinking about?"

Sasuke mentally slapped himself. Christ.

"Nothing."

Naruto peered at him. "It didn't look like nothing." His voice had a teasing quality to it.

He bristled. "I said it was nothing, _Dobe_."

"But your face is red," Naruto said observantly, obviously enjoying his discomfort.

"It's hot in here." Sasuke tried to endure the torment without snapping angrily, as was his impulse. He was clinging to the hope that this might be sufficient to distract Naruto from being angry at him.

Naruto sidled closer to Sasuke. "What could possibly put that look on _your_ face?"

Sasuke stood his ground as Naruto invaded his personal space. Naruto's bright eyes were studying his face, a slight smile on his lips. Sasuke desperately tried to keep his mind blank, but found, to his dismay, that he couldn't control it. He was drowning in blue, and all he could think of was leaning towards that inviting mouth.

"Sasuke…?" Naruto said his name like a breath of air, drawing it out.

Sasuke felt things low in his body tighten.

This was bad. Very, very, VERY bad. He tried to distract himself with words.

"Listen, Naruto…" his voice sounded deeper than usual. He realized with horror that his hand was moving of its own accord to brush Naruto's cheek. The blond's eyes merely closed for a moment and he gave the impression of leaning into the caress although he did not move. They opened again, slowly, looking dark. "I'm sorry about everything," Sasuke said softly. A humming sensation was buzzing through him, swirling haphazardly in his stomach. He felt like Naruto's eyes were reeling him in, bringing their faces ever closer. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

Naruto licked his lips, looking like he was about to say something; Sasuke watched as his pink tongue flicked out nervously.

"What are you willing to do?"

"Anything." The word left Sasuke's mouth before he could think.

"Why the change of heart, Uchiha?" Naruto taunted, his voice dropping into a lower tone. "I thought you enjoyed being a bastard."

Sasuke felt himself flush. "Hn."

A grin that could only be described as lascivious formed slowly across the blond's face. "Are you blushing, Saaaaasuke?"

"NO."

Naruto leaned against him and breathed into his ear, "Are you suuuure?"

Sasuke's heart slammed in his chest.

Sasuke was at a loss. His lack of resistance to the blond's teasing was damning. Naruto began to nibble on his ear, and his legs suddenly felt like rubber.

"Stop joking around, _Dobe_ ," he said in a voice he hardly recognized. He added more solidly as he pushed Naruto back, "I didn't mean I'd act out one of those pervy fics you're on about."

Naruto laughed, but his eyes were smoldering. "You did say 'anything', bastard."

"Within reason." Sasuke's heart was still pounding madly. Was it possible Tsunade was right? That Naruto liked him?

"Within reason?" Naruto parroted back. "How is THAT supposed to win me over?" He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted in trademark Uzumaki style.

Sasuke smiled at that. "Why don't you stay over and figure it out?"

"Hmm." Naruto looked like he was debating something.

"What?"

"I sorta promised Neji I would hang out with him tonight."

Sasuke felt a surge of jealousy. "Cancel," he demanded.

"Oh, I dunno," Naruto drawled infuriatingly, watching him with a mischievous glint in his eye. "It'd be rude to cancel last minute…And we had such fun last time…"

Sasuke's fists clenched.

"But maybe you could convince me," he continued. "If you agree to do whatever I say."

"I'd have to be stupid to agree to that!"

Naruto shrugged. "You're the one who wanted to make things up to me." He started walking towards the door. "Guess I should ask Neji what he wants to do tonight."

Sasuke growled. Hyuuga would likely try all sorts of things on Naruto. An image of the light-eyed boy smirking came unbidden to his mind. "FINE. I agree."

Naruto turned around, pivoting on his heel. "You agree…?" he prompted with a grin.

"I agree to do whatever you say while you are here." _Within reason_ , he wanted to add, but didn't.

"Great!" Naruto clapped his hands together. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Neji's number, canceling apologetically.

"Now come on," he said to Sasuke.

"Come on what?"

"We have a little excursion to make."

"What? Where?" Sasuke reeeeally didn't feel like going out again.

Naruto walked back to Sasuke. "You're going to buy me ramen, then we're going to the liquor store," Naruto informed him. "Only you're going to do it shirtless."

"WHAT?"

"You're bound to obey me," Naruto reminded him with glee. "Now strip!"

* * *

TBC

Things are going to start heating up! stay tuned XD


	8. Uchiha, Undressed

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

* * *

**Part 8: Uchiha, Undressed**

Sasuke was in hell. Or somewhere very nearly like it.

Every one of his stalkers seemed to be clogging the immediate area, gawking and drooling at him. It was disgusting and pathetic. There must've been some stalker _network_ set up, otherwise he failed to see how they could amass so quickly. It was only a 15 minute walk to Ichiraku's.

Gratefully, he ducked inside the restaurant, pleased with the thought that they couldn't all follow them in here. They grabbed a table.

"You're enjoying this," Sasuke hissed. "Aren't you?"

"Immensely." Naruto grinned.

Sasuke frowned and crossed his hands over his bare chest.

"You should thank me, bastard."

"What for?" Sasuke was indignant.

"If it was Just retribution, I'd have made you go in just your boxers, like I had to."

"Hn. Why didn't you?"

Weeeeell," Naruto drawled. "I figured you had more rabid fans than me, and in greater quantity, and I was right. That could've gotten WAY out of hand. They might have ripped you apart, fighting over you, and trampled me to death on the way over."

Sasuke shuddered.

Naruto grinned at his discomfort. "How's it feel to let everyone see you half-naked, Saaa-suuu-ke?" He said in a sing song voice. He was quite enjoying himself teasing the dark haired boy. Sasuke scowled and flushed at the same time... It was rather cute. Naruto also, he reluctantly admitted, found himself staring at Sasuke's bared chest and shoulders. A lot. So far, his friend/rival hadn't seemed to have noticed.

Naruto's gaze swept up Sasuke's body, lingering on his pale throat and the smooth curve of his jaw. From there, it was easy to travel to enticingly sensual lips. Biteable lips. Naruto felt his body flush at the thought. He slid his gaze upward to find midnight eyes regarding him. His heart skipped a beat in his chest. He recognized that look. It was the one Sasuke's face had held not so long before, when they'd skirted this thing that was growing between them.

Ever since that day at his apartment, where Sasuke had kissed him to shut him up, he'd been thinking. Dreaming. Wanting. It was curious. He hadn't thought of the other boy like that _at all_ until that moment – when the world tilted on its axis and that addictive feeling pulsed through his veins.

They ate their ramen quickly - Sasuke wishing to end this as fast as possible and Naruto finding the strangers' constant ogling of the dark haired boy to be irritating him.

Naruto, usually oblivious to such things, actually didn't miss the envious death glares he was getting as people assumed he was _with_ his bare-chested, aggravated, but incredibly hot friend. He laughed to himself, thinking of the rumors that were likely to fly. Suddenly, he did a double take at his own thoughts. _Wait, wait, wait – did I just describe Sasuke as HOT?_

Naruto slipped a peek at his friend as they walked to the liquor store. Sasuke was stalking next to him, his inky black hair swaying in time to his purposeful strides. He was all contrasts, his equally dark eyes and hair making his smooth skin look almost white. His face was beautiful, all curves and sensuality yet set in such harsh lines that it tried to repel you with the sheer force of his disinterest. The effect was startling, and appealing.

Sasuke's scowl was deeper than usual, in direct proportion to his state of undress, as if he was trying to arm himself with an unapproachable air. He practically radiated 'don't-come-near-me'. Naruto snickered to himself and wondered if he should tell him it wasn't working. The fans were following in a daze, staring fixedly as if they might pounce any moment and damn the consequences.

Naruto couldn't really blame them. Uchiha Sasuke and 'sexy' went hand in hand. Why wouldn't they want to jump him? Why wouldn't _he_ want to jump him?

Naruto ruffled a hand through his spiky blonde hair, deep in thought. He had surprised himself many times today when it came to his friend/rival. He had been flirting dangerously earlier, but he couldn't seem to help it. And Sasuke had seemed… encouraging of it. Not only that – he'd purposely done things as if he was desperately trying to break the iciness that had been between them... challenging Naruto to keep that unease and distance between them. Naruto had tried valiantly to remain unaffected, but then those dark eyes were watching him so intently and he felt all of his self-righteous anger sputter and fail.

* * *

Sasuke had to wait outside – the liquor store merchant was upholding the whole 'no shirt, no shoes, no service' jargon and wouldn't even allow him to set foot inside. He'd been kicked out, which was endlessly amusing to Naruto, seeing as he couldn't stop laughing.

"Che," he scoffed. God, he couldn't WAIT to get back into the sanctity of his own house. First thing he was going to do is find a shirt. **Then** he'd kill Naruto for putting him through this. _Yeah,_ he thought, as a tidal surge of drooling fangirls was ebbing and surging closer, _that sounds like a plan._

* * *

The sanctity of his house had been breached.

Sasuke looked at Naruto, aghast. "NO. Absolutely not!" He'd allowed Naruto to force alcohol upon him, two shots of something vile and really strong, chased with coke and a slice of lime, while the blonde took relaxed sips from a rum and coke which had to taste infinitely better.

"Come on, Sasuke, you promised," he sang, waving a small, bottle at him.

"No."

"Every time you tell me no, you have to drink."

"Says who?" Sasuke said stubbornly.

"Says ME, and you agreed to that, so do it."

Sasuke glared, but took the shot when it was poured. He downed it with a grimace.

"Ok, now give me your hand," Naruto said, waggling his fingertips impatiently. Sasuke looked indignant. Naruto felt a grin stretch across his face. "Hey – I never said you wouldn't still have to do it." Tormenting Sasuke was so much fun.

Sasuke wobbled slightly on the bar stool as Naruto took his hand. That 151º was powerful stuff.

Naruto blithely uncapped the bottle and started painting a nail, grinning hugely at Sasuke's look of disgust.

"Oh, come on, it's not so bad," he laughed. "At least it's black."

Sasuke's eye twitched. "It sparkles."

Naruto snickered. "Shimmers," he corrected. "Sparkles are bigger."

"Like I have any reason to know that?"

Naruto shrugged, his eyes alight with mirth. "Might come in handy."

"Like hell."

Naruto happily painted all of Sasuke's nails, while the dark-haired boy glared daggers at his head.

"There! All done. Now you just have to let it dry." Naruto demonstrated by splaying his fingers.

Sasuke sighed. "How long does that take?"

Naruto scratched his head. "Dunno. Maybe like twenty minutes or something?"

"What am I supposed to do without my hands for that long?" he demanded.

Naruto gave him a foxy grin. "Read fanfics?" he suggested.

" _Dobe_ ," he muttered darkly.

* * *

Sasuke gave in after 5 minutes of doing absolutely nothing. How did anyone stand this nail polish stuff? It was so annoying!

He sat next to Naruto as the blond took over his computer. He prayed Naruto wouldn't go through his 'favorites' list, as he had several incriminating sites marked there. He breathed a sigh of relief as Naruto googled the fanfiction site they'd last looked at together.

"Hmmm. I don't get some of these pairings, Sasuke…" Naruto mused as he looked through couples pages. "You and Kiba for instance. You've never even spoken to him before, have you?"

"Can't say that I have."

"What about Shikamaru?"

"I've _spoken_ to him, yes. I don't know where they get the fuel to inspire this shit though."

"Hmmm."

"What, am I supposed to understand the way they think?" Sasuke said with annoyance. "How could I? They put me with Itachi. ITACHI. There is no way I can comprehend the minds that create that garbage."

"I dunno, they seem to go with the brother-complex thing. Sorta works."

Sasuke looked at Naruto as if he had suddenly sprouted horns from his head. "You READ those?" He looked betrayed.

"I read one or two, after you'd mentioned they were out there."

Sasuke started to grab his head with his hands.

"Don't!" Naruto shouted, grabbing him by the wrists. "They might still be wet!"

Sasuke muttered something ungraceful under his breath, pulling his hands out of Naruto's.

"Oooo, what's _this_?" Naruto piped up in a way that sent warning bells off in Sasuke's head.

He turned back to the screen to find Naruto looking at his favorites list, heading straight for the fan fiction section. _Nooooo_ , he groaned internally. Naruto instinctively honed in on the worst of it.

Naruto looked him over with an appraising look. "SasuNaru, huh, Sasuke? You surprise me."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sasuke said curtly.

"You don't remember _'Winds of Change'_ , rated M for mature?"

Sasuke shook his head, denying it.

"Or, _'The Beast Within'_ , rated X, with a list of warnings on it a mile long?"

Sasuke set his jaw and shook his head stubbornly.

Naruto smirked, dropping his voice, "Not even _'Years of Yearning'_? No? I think you'd remember **_that_** one… "

Sasuke winced as Naruto read the summary out loud.

"' _Sasuke has an eye for a certain blond haired ninja. He denies it to himself for years, until finally, his obsession takes over, blinding him to reason. He kidnaps Naruto, binding him to his will, and his bed, forcing him to surrender everything. Can these twisted bonds form love, or will lust and submission rule out everything?'_ " Naruto whistled. "This one rates XXX."

"Nope." Sasuke clung to his denial. He knew, that Naruto knew, that _he_ knew, that he was lying through his teeth, but he just couldn't own up.

"So," Naruto prodded him, leaning towards him with amusement and something else in his voice. Leaning VERY close. "You don't remember taking me hostage and ravishing me repeatedly against my will?"

Sasuke shook his head and tried to remember how to breathe.

Naruto's voice was flowing like silk, smooth and sure. He had no business sounding like that. It made Sasuke's face flush, his heart trip-hammering in his chest.

"You're blushing, Uchiha." The blond teased. "What am I supposed to make of that, hmm?" Naruto trailed a hand up his chest, causing the muscles to clench beneath the touch.

Sasuke blamed the alcohol for his lack of coherent thought.

"Maybe you should read it aloud to me."

Sasuke's eyes snapped open. He hadn't realized they'd closed. He stared at the blond vixen, and shook his head. There was no way he was reading that fic aloud to anyone. Ever. Especially not to Naruto. Especially not when this heavy atmosphere kept enclosing upon them like persistent fog. Especially not when he was drunk. Even though that story was really good. It was **too** good… not something to be shared in the company of others.

"No?" Naruto queried. "What did I tell you about saying no?" The blond's breathy voice was doing things to him… His pulse was racing and it seemed to be pumping blood to areas that were wholly unnecessary for coherent thought.

 _Don't let yourself be dragged under, Sasuke,_ he told himself desperately. _You're drunk, you're totally misreading the situation, and you're about to act on impulses that will surely lose you your friendship with Naruto._

"I'm taking a shower," he announced.

"No, you aren't." Naruto's blue gaze was determined, but Sasuke wasn't sure why.

"Do I look like I need your permission?" He tried to use his usual arrogant tone, but it came out too soft.

"Yes," Naruto said firmly, and kissed him.

Sasuke felt the room spin around him, threatening to knock him to the floor. The only stability was Naruto's mouth against his. Naruto's tongue teased the seam of his lips, seeking entrance. He unwittingly gave in. His entire body flushed with heat as his mouth was entered, and the ache behind his navel intensified drastically. His felt his arms wrapping around the blond, pulling him closer.

A cell ring tone blazed through the tension in the air.

* * *

Naruto cursed and fumbled his phone out of his pocket with shaking hands. Kiba. Right now he _hated_ Kiba. He growled. Sasuke had jumped up almost immediately. Retreating quickly to where? He could only guess. Perhaps to take that shower he'd mentioned " _ **What**_ _, Kiba_?" he snarled.

"Hey, what's your problem, man?" Kiba drawled.

"NOTHING. You just have the shittiest timing in the world, and I hate you."

"Oh, is that all," he said nonplussed.

"I can add to that, if you want?" Naruto said testily.

"Naw, I'm good. Listen, I heard something really odd today."

"Yeah?" Naruto said sullenly, not really caring. He was still pissed.

"Yeah. Heard you were pal'ing around with a half-naked Uchiha. Any truth to the rumor mill?"

"Half-naked? He just wasn't wearing a shirt."

"Is there something you wanna tell me?"

"Not really," Naruto said snarkily. Why did people always assume stuff? Not that it wasn't true, but still – it was annoying. "Besides, there's a long story behind it and I don't feel like getting into it."

"Fair enough."

"Talk to you later, Kiba." Naruto hung up without waiting for an answer. "Arrrgh!" he hissed. He'd had Sasuke right where he wanted him, he'd even gotten to initiate a kiss which was even more mind-blowing than the last one. He'd literally FELT Sasuke's icy exterior melting, giving him a tantalizing glimpse of passion he hadn't known the stoic boy was even capable of. And then, to have it all wrecked so easily! It was **maddening**.

Naruto hoped that when Sasuke returned, they wouldn't be back to square one. He hoped, but he knew it was unlikely.

Naruto fidgeted, pent up frustration and boredom at Sasuke's absence seething through his body. _How long of a shower was he going to take?_

He decided to get ready for bed, since the rest of the night was likely to be a bust. He wandered until he found a bathroom, foraged under the sink to find a new, unopened toothbrush, and stared blandly at his reflection as he used it to scrub toothpaste and foam across his pearly whites.

He looked at himself, unimpressed, wondering if Sasuke just wasn't interested. But no – he definitely acted like he was. And if Kiba hadn't interrupted, he was SURE that something would've happened. Right before the asshole called, Sasuke had pulled him closer, his mouth becoming demanding, taking control. Naruto felt his legs turn to jello just thinking about it. Something amazing had been about to happen.

Naruto washed his face with cold water, trying to quiet the hot flush on his cheeks and his racing heart. He _wanted_ something to happen. No denials now. He'd been wanting something to happen since Sasuke had randomly kissed him to shut him up. And who kissed someone to shut them up, anyway? That was unconventional, wasn't it?

Naruto shuffled back to Sasuke's room. He supposed they'd be going to sleep as soon as the dark haired boy returned. He shed his shirt and pants, leaving him in his boxers. They said 'FOXY' and were liberally sprinkled with hearts and bright orange cartoon fox heads. He grinned when he thought of the look Sasuke would likely bestow upon them, and felt pleased that he'd picked them to wear this morning.

Naruto tossed himself into the computer chair and swiveled around. He needed to kill some time. He minimized the fic pages, not wanting to add fuel to the fire, and opened up AIM. He stared at the news splash page, wondering if a shirtless Uchiha would be prime material for journalism at its finest. He didn't see anything, but then it had only happened today. Heh. Maybe tomorrow. It'd be really rich if they caught the wave of swooning admirers on film in the background as Sasuke scowled mightily.

Naruto stared at his buddy list. Kiba was away, not that he'd talk to the ass anyway. Shikamaru was hardly ever on. Sakura was on… he wrinkled his nose. She'd likely interrogate him, and he just didn't feel like it. Well, he could always chitchat with his stalker, he supposed.

 **Ramenluvr :** hi

The stalker had seemed less daunting after Naruto started engaging him in conversation. He'd thought that might be the case, which is why he did it in the first place. Though the guy still freaked him out sometimes. Naruto shrugged. He still felt a little buzzed from his rum and cokes, so he didn't much care.

 **fateHASu :** Hello

Naruto waited for the stalker to say something, like he usually did, but he was uncharacteristically silent.

 **Ramenluvr :** …  
 **fateHASu :** Something on your mind?  
 **Ramenluvr :** er. no.  
 **Ramenluvr :** something on yours?  
 **fateHASu :** …  
 **fateHASu :** Perhaps.

Naruto scratched his head, not sure what to say.

 **Ramenluvr :** um… wanna talk about it?  
 **fateHASu :** Ha. Why would you care what was on my mind?

Naruto tried to think of a good answer for that. He didn't really have one, but he was a bit bothered by the change in the guy. Something must be heavy on his mind.

 **fateHASu :** Anyway, it doesn't matter.  
 **Ramenluvr :** yes it does.  
 **fateHASu :** Oh?

Wow. That sounded sarcastic. Kind of like how Sasuke was able to portray stuff like that online. Must be a talent or something.

 **Ramenluvr :** well, so what if you are um… stalking me or whatever. you're still a person with feelings and stuff…  
 **fateHASu :** You are oddly compassionate. It's something I always liked about you. Your friends are very lucky.  
 **Ramenluvr :** ha. they wouldn't say so. i think they just tolerate me.  
 **fateHASu :** -Sigh- He doesn't deserve you.  
 **Ramenluvr :** huh?  
 **fateHASu :** … Uchiha  
 **Ramenluvr :** er, we're just friends  
 **fateHASu :** Forgive me if I find that had to believe.  
 **Ramenluvr :** hey now- why would you think we're more than friends?  
 **fateHASu :** Intuition… perhaps…  
 **Ramenluvr :** i thought you didn't know me?  
 **fateHASu :** Of course I know you. Just not as well as I'd like.  
 **Ramenluvr :** oh  
 **fateHASu :** But I did see you today. I was wondering about the circumstances behind Uchiha's attire.  
 **Ramenluvr :** oh. that.  
 **fateHASu :** Indeed.  
 **Ramenluvr :** well, you remember when you saw me um… kinda running around town in my boxers…? i mean, i know you saw that, you even said so  
 **fateHASu :** Yes.  
 **Ramenluvr :** well, that was sasuke's fault. i'd stayed over, and i sorta pissed him off and he locked me outside. so anyway, that was a completely bastardly thing to do, so I stopped talking to him  
 **Ramenluvr :** then today i had to deliver a message for the hokage and he totally begged for forgiveness. so, i decided to get back at him by making him endure a little of the same  
 **fateHASu :** I see. And he agreed to this?  
 **Ramenluvr :** haha yeah. but he was NOT happy about it  
 **fateHASu :** … I personally do not like him… but it does seem like he cares about your friendship rather a lot if he was willing to go through that for you. Though it galls me to admit this…  
 **Ramenluvr :** how come you sound so sad?  
 **fateHASu :** You really have no idea….Naruto…  
 **Ramenluvr :** er, no?  
 **fateHASu :** Let's just leave it at that then .  
 **Ramenluvr :** no.  
 **fateHASu :** What do you mean, no?  
 **Ramenluvr :** you're acting all depressed, and it's depressing me.  
 **fateHASu :** …  
 **Ramenluvr :** i've come to count on you for certain things  
 **fateHASu :**? Such as?  
 **Ramenluvr :** like… we talk, and it's kinda fun, and then you go and say something creepy, and i flip out, and then we kinda laugh over it.  
 **fateHASu :** You amaze me. Truly.  
 **Ramenluvr :** so how about it? hit on me a little, cheer yourself up  
 **fateHASu :** -Sigh-  
 **Ramenluvr :** come on, you know you want to  
 **fateHASu :** You're twisting my arm, here…  
 **Ramenluvr :** (waiting)  
 **fateHASu :** Vixen.  
 **Ramenluvr :** smirks  
 **fateHASu :** What are you wearing?  
 **Ramenluvr :** nothing I could go out in  
 **fateHASu :** Oh? And here I thought you were just leading me on…  
 **Ramenluvr :** i'm just full of surprises  
 **fateHASu :** And where are you, hmm? I have a feeling you aren't at home.  
 **Ramenluvr :** a feeling? is that your way of saying you already staked out my apartment only to find me mysteriously absent?  
 **fateHASu :** Hahaha. Something like that.  
 **Ramenluvr :** see, now that's creepy.  
 **fateHASu :** Enjoy it.  
 **Ramenluvr :** well, it's better than you being so mopey  
 **fateHASu :** I do not mope.  
 **Ramenluvr :** suuure  
 **fateHASu :** I brood. And I was having a damn fine time of it before you wrenched my mind from it.  
 **Ramenluvr :** LOL i know a couple people who do that  
 **fateHASu :** Oh?  
 **Ramenluvr :** yep. sasuke, and neji. they are kind of similar when you think about it  
 **fateHASu :** You know Neji?  
 **Ramenluvr :** Yeah, we're kind of friends now.  
 **fateHASu :** …  
 **Ramenluvr :** jealous?  
 **fateHASu :** Yes. What's he like?  
 **Ramenluvr :** that's a tough one. i mean, i don't really know him that well… but he's super nice, and really smart, and i have a lot of fun hanging out with him.

Naruto paused, feeling kind of guilty about cancelling their previous plans to hang out.

 **Ramenluvr :** and see, i'm a total ass. we were gonna hang out again today, but i cancelled last minute.  
 **fateHASu :** … so instead, you decided to hang around Uchiha?  
 **Ramenluvr :** i know, i know. i suck. but sasuke's like my best friend… it's really hard for me to be on bad terms with him…  
 **fateHASu :** Is that where you are now?  
 **Ramenluvr :** yeah.  
 **fateHASu :** Dressed like you are?  
 **Ramenluvr :** what are you implying?!  
 **fateHASu :** Nothing…  
 **Ramenluvr :** i'm wearing boxers, yanno, and it's what i always sleep in!  
 **fateHASu :** And where is Uchiha?  
 **Ramenluvr :** in the bathroom or something, i'm not sure  
 **fateHASu :** He's been gone a long time then.  
 **Ramenluvr :** yeah, that's why i'm online  
 **fateHASu :** Not because you missed me?  
 **Ramenluvr :** heh heh u wish  
 **fateHASu :** Won't he be mad if he sees that you are talking with your 'stalker'?  
 **Ramenluvr :** mmm probably.  
 **fateHASu :** Maybe you should go.  
 **Ramenluvr :** i guess…  
 **fateHASu :** And don't leave this window up for him to see.  
 **Ramenluvr :** righto  
 **fateHASu :** G'night. -Grope-  
 **Ramenluvr :** night  
 **Ramenluvr :** AAAAAAHHH you sneak!  
 **fateHASu :** Hahahaa  
 **Ramenluvr :** c ya  
 **fateHASu :** Bye, Naruto.

Naruto closed the window with a yawn and stretched. He logged out of AIM. He looked around. Where in the hell was that bastard at? He'd been gone for well over an hour!

He shook his head and went to search for his pain-in-the-ass friend/rival/love interest.

* * *

TBC


	9. Dreams and Reality

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

* * *

**Part 9: Dreams and Reality**

_"Time to lose, Uchiha," Neji called out triumphantly from the top of the tallest object in the vicinity. "Though surely you were expecting that when you decided to rival ME."_

_And they called the Uchiha-clan pompous?_

_"Like hell," Sasuke snarled. How typical. They always find the highest thing to clamor on top of before talking trash. It was ANNOYING. "Get your ass down here so I can feed it to you!"_

_Neji laughed, a grin spreading across his face as his eyes narrowed. "As if you could defeat me…You cannot even protect what is precious to you."_

_Sasuke's brow drew together in confusion. What the hell was Hyuuga on about?_

_Neji used his hesitation against him, leaping to the attack. Sasuke ducked low to the ground, avoiding the two-fingered knife hand that had aimed for his vitals. It was so fast, Neji's arm almost looked like rubber, or a whip or something, pausing as it arched around then snapping forward for a strike._

_The Hyuuga-clan's fighting style was impressive, showy, and crippling. If any of those strikes hit him, a thousand more could follow in an instant, rendering him incapable of using chakra. To a ninja, that was death._

_Sasuke timed a crushing heel kick to the spot he expected Hyuuga to occupy in the next second, relying on his sharingan to assist him. Neji's eyes flashed up at him, and he dodged at the last second; Sasuke's foot only barely grazed him._

" _Katon no jutsu!" Sasuke yelled out as he leapt backwards, breathing a staccato stream of fire like a flame thrower. Neji's eyes widened and he swung around, spinning on his heel in a circle and raising the electric blue sphere of protection about himself, repelling the fire._

_Sasuke grit his teeth. He hated that move. It was so cheap. He wished he had something equivalent._

" _You're mine, Uchiha!" Neji was suddenly driving him back with a flurry of blows, his arms moving so fast that Sasuke could barely make them out. He could only detect the coiling of energy and the sense of slowed time behind each snake-like strike and the sweep of footwork as he advanced. Faster, faster, inhumanly fast._

_Sasuke saw, in his mind, a flash of intensely bright blue eyes._

_The two-fingered strikes jabbed into his flesh, through his guard. He couldn't evade them all. This sucked._

' _Sasuke…' the voice sounded pleading. Naruto?_

_Sasuke found himself pinned to a tree, a powerful forearm cutting off his flow of air and the sharp end of a kunai pressed against his throat. "I'll take him from you, Uchiha. Body, mind, and soul." Neji laughed as Sasuke's sharingan spun wildly. He leaned in closer to say in a near whisper, "And the first is already mine." Sasuke's lips peeled back in a snarl of rage._

' _Sasuke?'_

_The dream changed suddenly with the sound of Naruto's voice._

_It was dark, yet not. An unremarkable room with plain walls surrounded him. Drab. Grey. Lifeless._

_He looked around, seeing no windows, no doors. No way out._

_The room contained a chair and on it, facing one of the walls, was Naruto._

_Sasuke didn't call out to him, he just moved closer, not sure what he was expecting to find._

_The shock of blonde hair framed a wooden face. A puppet. Protruding from his jointed mouth, a slip of white paper. Sasuke took it, carefully, not wanting to touch the blank-eyed doll. The mouth fell open with a muffled clunk, and sand poured out from between carved lips in a waterfall rush._

_The paper contained two words:_

_'Not yours'_

_Something like hot water bled into the core of him, making him feel ill._

_The sand was spilling over his feet, toppling over itself as the mound became larger. Would it stop? The room was sealed. There was no way out._

_Sasuke shuffled backwards. Something was there - a presence - he was not alone. Arms circled around him, made him aware of his beating heart, playing its rhythm fast and relentless in his chest… in his head…_

" _Sasukeeee-"_

_The voice breathing against his ear was Naruto's. The lips upon its curve were Naruto's. The body holding him crushingly close…_

_The hands…_

_Somehow he was being held even tighter, yet fingers were running up his sides, across his stomach. Gentle. Terrifying. Making him feel things that he didn't want to feel… Making his body turn traitor._

_He wanted to escape, to get out-_

_The room changed. The puppet, chair, and sand disappeared. He was still looking into the room, but it was as if he was in a well of blackness, in the depths of some darkened, recessed corner._

" _Sasuke-"_

_The voice held promises. Weighty promises. Fingertips glided over his shivering bare skin; his shirt was somehow gone. A hot mouth sucked and bit at his neck, turning his stomach inside out as he bit back a moan._

" _Naru..to?" he breathed heavily. His mind was spinning, and his legs felt weak. Every movement of that mouth on his skin was sending sharp electric flashes jerking through him. Each touch, a direct connection to the pressure building inside of him. He was in trouble._

" _Kiss me, teme." The familiar nickname and commanding tone made Sasuke's stomach clench. An image of the boy formed in his mind. His heart began to pound frantically at the thought of kissing the blond… of initiating something himself. Of giving in, and disbanding the denial he'd so wanted to cling to. Of touching every inch of his tanned skin…_

_He turned in the circle of Naruto's arms and kissed him for all he was worth, pouring into it his emotions, his uncertainty, and his desire until he thought he would implode from the weight of it all - the enormity of what he was doing._

_Naruto sucked him in, mouth moving against his in a way that would make straight men rethink their orientation. Fevered, passionate, intoxicating._

_They were lying on a bed now, and Sasuke didn't pause to question it. He pinned Naruto beneath him. Naruto's hands found his hips, gripping them tightly as he rocked into them._

_Sasuke gasped as heat flashed and prickled through him, his lower stomach aching in a way that it never had before. Soon, his body would be out of his control. His heated gaze fell upon the blond that was causing all of this. Naruto's eyes were dark and hungry as they looked up at him._

_Naruto rolled them over so they lay on their sides, facing each other, then he kissed Sasuke again, while his hand slipped low-_

_Sasuke bit back a cry as Naruto's hand brushed the source of his frustration; then his hips, his thighs… always coming back to torment his flesh, stroking, teasing. Sasuke couldn't take it. He pushed forward into the kiss, reaching past Naruto's hand to grip the blond's hardened flesh._

" _Sa-!" Naruto couldn't even finish his name. He writhed and moaned as Sasuke's hand moved against him, and Sasuke invaded his mouth so fully._

" _I want you, Naruto," Sasuke realized it was true as soon as the words left his mouth. He wanted to feel Naruto's legs wrapped around his waist, his nails on his back…_

_The thought of it was too much. The pleasure peaked and Sasuke came hard. He gasped into Naruto's mouth, unconsciously clenching and unclenching the hand that touched Naruto, pulling the blond to completion soon after._

Sasuke woke up, his heart pounding, feeling a little like he'd missed something.

He blinked in the near dark and realized he was in the living room, on the couch. Naruto was facing him, asleep. He must've really been out cold not to notice Naruto slip under the sheet to sleep next to him. Must be because he'd been having so much trouble sleeping lately, being kept awake thinking about Naruto, Neji, stalkers and everything. Surely, if it weren't for that, he'd have noticed a _dobe_ invading his personal space.

Sasuke noted his arm was draped over one of the blond's hips. Shouldn't he have noticed THAT? Or the fact that his hand was touching bare skin…

Sasuke felt his brain start to seize as a cold knot of dread began to form in his stomach.

No.

No, no, no, no.

Ridiculous.

It was **_just a dream_** , his hand did _not_ feel even the least bit sticky, and Naruto's mouth did NOT look thoroughly kissed.

At all.

…

Sasuke peeked under the sheet, and quickly put it back down again. Oh HELL.

The whole reason he'd decided to sleep down here was because after the kiss, and with the alcohol still swimming in his head, he hadn't trusted himself. He figured Naruto could have the bed to himself. He'd never dreamed the _dobe_ would come looking for him and share the couch… I mean, it was a _large_ couch, but still. Now to wake up and find _this_? That he'd completely violated Naruto in his SLEEP? Not to mention, he was violated back, but who knew what the _dobe_ was dreaming about at the time? What if it was Sakura or something? He cringed. Though that might be unlikely as Sakura was missing… things... certain anatomy. Unless maybe Naruto had very inventive dreams…?

Sasuke looked at the sleeping Naruto. There was no graceful way out of this situation. Even if he could get up off the couch without waking the blond (who had him penned in on the in side of the couch), there was no way he could remove the evidence of their… doing things to each other in their sleep, without waking him. Though- if Naruto woke up on the couch alone, he would assume that he had an erotic dream – by himself - and would just be embarrassed. Mild embarrassment. Nothing like what there would be if he woke up and saw things as they were.

 _For the greater good_ , he thought, apologizing to Naruto in his head. He wiped his hand on the inside of the dark cotton pants he'd slept in and dragged them up to where they should've been in the first place. He sat up slowly, carefully, cursing the leather couch as it creaked. Goddamn, how was he going to slither off this couch soundlessly? Not to mention, climbing over the blond would probably wake him up, and going the other route - the arm of the couch looked dauntingly high. He scowled.

"'Asuke?" Naruto said blearily.

Sasuke's heart stopped.

It was amazing that your face could both drain itself of all color and yet flush at the same time. Truly.

Awareness was blinking into those blue eyes, slowly. Sasuke did NOT want to be around to watch the shit hit the fan. "Bathroom," he choked out, scrambling over the couch, and ran down the hall.

He raced up the stairs, detoured at his room, snagging clothes and boxers, and locked himself in the bathroom.

 _It might not be so bad,_ he tried to tell himself. _Tsunade thinks he liked you in the first place._

 _Yeah, but her sense of prediction was atrocious, as her lotto playing failures could attest to._ He groaned.

He ripped off the pants, tossed them to the floor and proceeded to take a scaldingly hot shower, wondering why hormones that he'd never before seemed to have possessed were suddenly making themselves known in such a dastardly way.

He groaned.

Now he was going to be stuck hiding in the bathroom again for god knows how long, hoping Naruto might just wander home again.

* * *

Monday.

A day to follow a weekend Neji wished had never happened. There was no telling what had transpired between Uchiha and Uzumaki.

Neji drug his feet, not really able to get motivated in the morning's training exercises. He felt hopelessly bored and annoyed as he followed his cousin and Inuzuka, who she somehow found attractive. He also felt a bit sullen, if he admitted it to himself.

For like the twentieth time since the beginning of this particularly gruesome Monday morning, Hinata blushed and laughed as Kiba spoke to her. They spiky haired brunet must be a regular comedian, Neji thought dryly. That or his cousin was really just so bland that everything he said was worthy of such a grand reaction. Neji rolled his eyes heavenward as she giggled YET AGAIN. God help him, he was going to knock their heads together so they could lapse into unconsciousness if they kept this up. Or maybe he'd just put them out of his misery with a mercy killing.

Neji glanced at their 'teacher'. Another fine specimen. Nose deep in a book, the silver haired jounin barely paid them any mind, content to wander aimlessly, leading them from one pointless exercise to another. Worse than that, was the constant reminder of Naruto he presented. Neji was trying to put the blond haired ninja out of his mind, especially since he and Uchiha were potentially involved, but he was failing spectacularly. Speaking of Uchiha… Kakashi reminded him of the black haired pain in-the-ass as well, as he sported the clan's blood limit sharingan. Neji still wasn't sure how an eye transplant allowed one to utilize a blood limit, but he wasn't concerned about such things at the moment.

What was tormenting him exclusively was the thought of what might have happened the night Naruto stayed at Uchiha's place. Even the thought of something happening between them set him into a foul mood. Naruto deserved better than that pompous, self-important, oh-I'm the-last-of-my-clan Uchiha.

"Hmmm. Ahh," Kakashi said, surveying the area. This was apparently his way of gathering their attention. They all looked at him expectantly. Kakashi scratched his head. "Uh, I have to go run a small errand, you see, so just… alternate sparring with each other and running up those trees with your chakra until I return." The jounin nodded to himself, and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Neji refrained from grinding his teeth in aggravation, in favor of rolling his shoulders in a half-hearted attempt to ease the tension there. _Tree exercises and sparring? What were they, 12?_

"Inuzuka," Neji called out in a bored voice. "I challenge you." Surely someone of the canine using clan would be worth some effort.

Kiba looked at him. "I already asked Hinata"

Neji's eye twitched in irritation. He looked from his face to hers. Blushing, the both of them. Disgusting.

This was a complete waste of time. He refused to 'climb trees' as he'd mastered that rudimentary exercise _years_ ago. Unless he could spar, there was no point to any of this.

He sighed, and made his way back across the clearing. Maybe he'd go home and do something more useful, like writing. Anything to take his mind off the fact that everyone seemed to be in line for getting some, other than him.

Feeling uncharitable as he made his exit, he called out over his shoulder. "Grow some balls and ask her out, wolf-boy. She already reads gay fan fiction about you."

That said, he thrust his hands in his pockets and left.

* * *

Sasuke blinked blearily at his opponent, trying to make his eyes register more than a blur of horrible green spandex. Sleep had not come easily to him last night. He couldn't get his mind off of Naruto. They hadn't spoken since-

"WINDMILL OF YOUTH!" Lee yelled.

"Eeeek! Sasukeee!"

Sasuke threw his torso backwards, barely keeping his balance as Lee whipped by, his legs a flurry of lateral motion. He leapt into the air after the threat had passed and formed a few familiar hand seals.

"Katon no jutsu!" Sasuke blew fire from his breath like a flame-thrower, catching the bowl-cut sporting ninja by surprise.

"Ohmygod,Sasuke,youaresoCOOL!" Sakura yelled as Lee narrowly escaped.

"OHMIGODYOUARESOCOOL!" the attending fan girls shrieked in echo.

"Truly… at … the height of… beauty and youth," Lee panted, picking himself up off the ground. "But I… am also at my prime, Sasuke-kun." He gave the girls a nice-guy wink and smile. They retched violently, but he seemed not to notice. He struck a pose, and waved for Sasuke to attack him once more.

Sasuke glanced at Sakura, verified that once again she was doing absolutely nothing, and attacked; he launched himself at Lee with a combination of fast flying kicks, deciding to try his taijutsu skills against the taijutsu-based fighter. Lee blocked him time and time again, and his sheer speed was impressive to behold. Sasuke kept up, landing a hit here and there with elbows, fists, and feet, while dodging and receiving much of the same. He wondered what Naruto was doing. Was he was upset? Should he have called? Would the blond try to connive his new teammates into buying him ramen, or was that was something Naruto only tried on him?

Sasuke cursed as something cuffed him in the back of the head. He sent a barrage of fireballs at the other ninja in a fit of ire, catching Lee's hair on fire. _Dammit. I should have called._

* * *

Naruto was sulking.

He'd been sulking since the weekend - Since the best and worst day of his life. He forgave himself the exaggeration on 'worst', as he tried not to think about the wretchedness of his childhood if he could help it. Ok, the worst thing since…

He scowled. That near-death experience Sasuke had with Haku came immediately to mind. But he was trying NOT to think of Sasuke.

Easier said than done.

His mind drifted over the events of that night for the millionth time.

_He'd finally found Sasuke, sleeping like the dead on the couch in the living room, a thin sheet thrown over him. Naruto had approached him._

" _Psssst!."_

_There was no reply._

" _Psst! Sasuke!"_

_Again, there was no reply._

_Naruto poked him to see if he was dead, then jumped back, just in case._

_Nothing._

" _Quick, Sasuke, hide! Sakura's coming."_

_A flicker of annoyance crossing Sasuke's face was the only reaction._

" _Hmm." Naruto was surprised that his friend wasn't awake from all that. On missions, he was one of the first to awaken at the barest of sounds. Naruto was kind of annoyed though. Sasuke had given him that amazingly wonderful kiss, then left him high and dry. Hiding in the shower, then sneaking down here. Pfft._

_Naruto decided 'what the hell?' and slid under the sheet, lifting Sasuke's arm out of the way and letting it fall back over him. It was a comfortable weight and he could feel the warmth of Sasuke's body behind him. It was pleasant, and Naruto felt himself becoming drowsy. Yeah, it would serve the bastard right if he woke up and freaked out over his arm being draped over me. He grinned, deeming that acceptable payback. Sasuke really had to learn to loosen up._

After that, Naruto had fallen asleep.

The next thing he knew, he was surfacing from an extremely explicit and highly entertaining dream where he and Sasuke doing unspeakable and delicious things to each other. Still half asleep, he slowly realized that those were _real_ hands touching him -just as his hands were touching other very real and prominent things- and Sasuke was kissing the hell out of him. It was confusing and overwhelming and it was BLISS. To make things even better, he heard _his_ name on the Uchiha boy's lips, dispelling any doubts Naruto had about Sasuke dreaming of someone else.

Then came the down side.

Come morning, Sasuke had looked like a rabbit caught in a trap. He'd seemed panicked even before Naruto said his name. Though a slight blush had burned on his pale cheeks, he given Naruto a sort of desperate look before bolting. Despite his excuse, it seemed to have little, if anything, to do with going to the bathroom.

* * *

Naruto was so preoccupied with Sasuke, that he hardly noticed Gaara all day. He wasn't sure why he noticed now, except that the redhead was looking at him. Staring fixedly, to be precise.

"What?"

Gaara made no reply, but his eyes narrowed.

Naruto sighed.

"I _know_ I'm sulking," he said uncharitably. "I can't help it. I'm not capable of brooding. Not like Neji. Or. Freaking. SASUKE." Naruto clenched the edge of his open jacket in his hands, twisting it ferociously, punctuating each word. The bastard could have at least _called_!

He turned to Gaara. "Why are people such assholes?"

Gaara gave him a look that equated to _'Why the hell are you asking ME that?'_

"Oh. Right. You hate people." Naruto sighed sullenly. It was a sad day when he turned to Gaara for psychological profiling advice. Oh well. "So… does killing them all really make you feel better- ?"

Naruto missed the telltale beginnings of a smile as he turned, thinking he heard his name.

"Naruto," a familiar voice called again.

He looked over his shoulder to see the statuesque form of Hyuuga Neji walking towards them.

"Hey Neji," he greeted the dark haired boy with a smile. "Whatcha doing here?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to go get something to eat? It looks like your training is almost complete."

Ooooo ramen time!

But wait -how did Neji know where to find him? He could practically hear Sasuke in his head saying, _'Neji is the stalker, Dobe!'_ Naruto waffled. Even though he didn't quite believe that, Neji was still a bit suspicious.

"Er- sure. But how did you find me? All the teams went to unspecified locations and…." He trailed off.

Neji jerked his thumb at a cluster of drooling fangirls. "I followed _them_. Rabid Gaara fans by the look of it."

Oh.

 _And obviously insane_ , _by the looks of it_ , Naruto added mentally. Currently, they were rallying themselves for an ambush, sneaking closer, thinking themselves undetected as they approached their demented idol.

Gaara hissed. They scuttled back to relative safety.

"So, Naruto, ramen?"

"Sure!" he chirped.

They started walking.

Several paces later, they noticed Gaara was coming with them.

Neji looked like he wanted to say something rude, and the redhead looked as if he might be swayed to evisceration with little effort. Well, that was cheery.

"I didn't know you liked ramen, Gaara," Naruto made a feeble attempt to break the tension.

Gaara gave the barest nod in acknowledgement.

"Not much on conversation, are you?" the blond mused after a lengthy silence, lacing his fingers behind his head and staring up at the trees. He mentally sighed with frustration. Was talking so difficult? Was a little effort at being nice, or normal just too taxing? Geez. Everyone around him seemed to have major issues. Including himself, though he felt he was rather well-adjusted, considering.

"Guess I'll talk to Neji," he muttered when there was no reply.

Naruto felt a malicious aura rise up beside him, licking out at him like tongues of flame. He decided not to look at Gaara. He was sure he didn't want to see the expression accompanying the radiating waves of doom.

"Ok, ok, I get it. No talking." He made a concerted effort to keep his mouth shut, focusing on the promise of ramen in an attempt to elevate his spirits.

* * *

TBC


	10. Ramen, the Prelude to Disaster

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

* * *

**Part 10: Ramen, the Prelude to Disaster**

_I'm in a happy place. I'm in a happy place._ Naruto chanted the words in his head, looking to neither his left nor right, but straight in front of him. The world was his ramen bowl. Nothing existed but the savory steam lifting off the hot soup in waves, the fortifying taste of perfectly seasoned broth and perfectly cooked white noodles. _I'm in a_ _ **happy**_ _place…_

Naruto dropped his spoon in annoyance, clutching his hands in his blond hair like he was going to rip it out. "Will you two stop glaring at each other over my head?!"

Neji, to his left, made an indignant noise. Gaara, to his right, of course said nothing.

Naruto couldn't take it. They were sucking the JOY out of ramen. "If you can't get along – leave. Leave me, and leave me to my ramen!"

"No one asked him to come along," Neji said under his breath.

"Hyuuga…" Gaara stood, looking down his nose at the dark haired boy, his face contorted with anger, or glee. Naruto couldn't tell which. All he knew is that sand was starting to leak subtly from the gourd on the redhead's back. Neji looked mildly concerned, but was not backing down.

Naruto jumped up, flinging outstretched arms between them. "Start a fight in here, and I swear to god, I'll kill you both." He refused to let them destroy the house of ramen.

Gaara regarded the tanned hand in front of his chest with muted interest. His eyes still looked a little crazy, but the sand had stopped.

Neji appeared to be utterly composed. He sat down like nothing had happened, but Naruto could see the stress lines just under his eyes that indicated he was still pissed.

Naruto sighed explosively, wishing he had just gone straight home. Getting between these two was exhausting. He slurped his ramen as loudly as possible, trying to make them suffer half as much as he was.

* * *

Sasuke wandered around Konoha, looking for Naruto in all the most likely places. Maybe it would have been easier just to call him and ask where he was, but every time Sasuke attempted to dial the _dobe's_ cell number, he found his whole body straining against it in protest and he couldn't seem to make himself do it. He'd almost say he was afraid to do it. Afraid of what Naruto would say… Afraid that the blond was mad at him, or wouldn't talk to him. No, it was best just to see him in person. Then he could see his face…

It occurred to him eventually that the blond may have actually gone to Ichiraku's after all. Sasuke felt a surge of annoyance at the thought. Who would he have gone there with?

The ramen restaurant wasn't far off.

Sasuke ran several different opening lines through his head, many of which began with 'I'm sorry.' He took a deep breath, steeling himself, and ducked under the partial curtain and into the open-air dining area.

He spotted a shock of blonde hair near the back. Immediately afterwards, he noticed the bright red of the sand-freak's hair, and the long, dark hair of Hyuuga to either side of him. All apologies hit the floor and he stalked over to the table, slamming his hand down onto it. Naruto looked up with startled blue eyes.

"You look like you're having fun time of it," he ground out. He wasn't sure why he was so angry all of a sudden, but he couldn't seem to control it. He'd thought Naruto might look more pensive, in lieu of recent events – not calmly having lunch with _them._ "Just a little quality time with your stalkers?"

Three pairs of eyes glared at him in concert. Pupil-less aqua and pale blue flanking a deep blue that burned brightest of all. It was a rather impressive effect.

Naruto stood abruptly, slamming his palms down on the table. "What the fuck is your problem, Sasuke?" _Does it LOOK like I'm having fun to you, asshole?_

"Sorry," he sneered. "I didn't mean to interrupt." Sasuke cringed inwardly. This was all going so wrong. He'd been counting on Naruto being alone… so they could talk. He hadn't counted on Gaara or Neji to be there too. But just seeing the other boys there was making his blood boil.

He locked eyes with the blond then turned on his heel, striding angrily out of the restaurant. He heard Naruto's chair scrape across the floor as he scrambled after him.

He stepped outside into the still bright sunlight and waited. Naruto swatted the half curtain out of his way, glaring daggers at Sasuke, then strode over to him and punched him in the stomach.

Sasuke wasn't entirely expecting that. He doubled over, wincing as he held a hand to his stomach. " _Do-be_ ," he coughed. Surprisingly, he felt a lot calmer now.

"Explain to me how you can be a complete and total asshole and then feel you're **entitled** to act _jealous_ over me?"

"Jealous?" he spluttered, trying to cover up the twinge of guilt he felt. Unfortunately, anger usually took over when he wasn't sure how else to act. "Jealous over _you_?"

The hurt that had been evident in Naruto's blue eyes magnified, before being swallowed by a fresh wave of irritation. "And you call ME stupid," he spat out.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sasuke shot back, though he was pretty sure he knew.

"You know damn well what it means!" Naruto's fists were clenching. Resentment was flooding into him as he thought about his last overnight at the dark haired boy's house. He'd been left with hardly a word, expected to make his own way out. Just like getting locked out the time before, it was embarrassing as hell, and really left the impression of being unwanted. "You do stuff like this all the time and you expect me to just keep coming back for more! Well, I'm sick of it! Maybe by the time you stop running away, I won't be around anymore!"

Sasuke felt a little sick. He knew Naruto was right, but it seemed like every time he turned around, he'd done something wrong. He tried to form words to make things right again, but he knew he couldn't control his tone when he felt like this. It would come out all wrong _again_ , driving the wedge between them even deeper. He looked at the ground, his brow furrowed in what probably looked like annoyance. It wasn't his fault that his face didn't do expressions like remorse.

"Naruto?" Neji called out. He and Gaara had emerged from the restaurant, dislike radiating between them almost palpably, but they had eyes only for Naruto.

"You could've at least called after something like that," Naruto muttered before joining them.

Sasuke's head snapped up. He stared at the blond's retreating back. _Did Naruto know?_ If he did – he seemed to be ok with it –

Well, that would change everything!

Sasuke started down the street after them. He had to know for sure.

"Naruto – wait –"

The three halted, and he received twin looks of unfriendliness, and nothing but a stiff back from the blond.

Naruto turned to Neji, "You know, I think I will stay over at your place tomorrow night." He gave Hyuuga one of those huge smiles that made his eyes close into happy little arcs, and looped his arm through the other boy's.

Neji looked momentarily startled, you could tell from the way his eyes opened a fraction wider than usual. "All right." He gave a small smile back, looking pleased.

To his credit, Hyuuga did not lord this victory over Sasuke. But then again, he might just be following the blond's lead in ignoring him.

Gaara was watching their linked arms with a look that said he was tempted to cut both of their limbs off. His unnatural eyes flicked to Sasuke; apparently dismissing him as an immediate threat, he quickly returned his attention to Naruto and Neji.

He looked positively volatile.

Sasuke could sympathize.

* * *

Naruto heaved a sigh, and tried for the 50th time to execute a rigorous combination of hand seals. Before he could, Shikamaru easily caught him in his shadow imitation technique. He felt his face form a monumental frown as his hands were forced up to his head, like a pair of wiggly antlers.

"Nara…" he growled in warning as Shikamaru made him dance around a bit.

Shikamaru paused, both his foot and Naruto's elevated in the air identically.

"I'm bored." Shikamaru fixed Naruto with a baleful stare. "You've been trying to get this right all morning." He didn't bother to mention how troublesome all of this was, as that was troublesome as well. "The least you could do is let me have a little fun." Shikamaru made Naruto make a few lewd gestures, while starting to calculate in his head the time it would take for the likenesses of the Hokage to erode off the mountain they were carved into given current, historic, and projected weather patterns. He really was bored.

Asuma, their instructor, took a long calming drag off of his cigarette and scratched his stylish and immaculately kept beard, as he watched the two train. Tsunade probably picked him for this team, as he was laid back, but not infuriatingly so like Kakashi. Same thing with Shikamaru. The two of them were both good candidates for going mostly unnoticed by the red-haired sand-nin who was keeping his distance, arms folded over his chest. Asuma's brown eyes looked considering as the wind blew lightly at his spiked up, matte-black hair.

"Shikamaru, trade with Gaara."

Asuma could tell Shikamaru was getting beyond unmotivated, even for him; And Gaara was most likely impatient by now, though he probably wouldn't show any of the normal signs of such a state. Asuma decided not to wait to find out how he _would_ express such a thing.

Tsunade likely took into consideration that Naruto would have to do the bulk of his training with Gaara, as their abilities and styles were more suited to each other. Which worked out all right, as Asuma could train one on one with Shikamaru as he often did when they were both part of team 10. All three of his charges could be trained simultaneously in this manner.

Shikamaru dropped his foot – Naruto's dropped as well – and dispelled his technique.

Naruto flopped onto the ground, and leaned up against the large slab of rock behind him. "Sensei," he whined at Asuma as he clutched his stomach. "I'm HUNGRY."

Asuma sighed. This new team arrangement could be exhausting. At least Chouji hadn't complained about hunger – he always brought extra food and would just start stuffing his head with it. He inhaled another stream of calming, nicotine laced smoke, and let it stream out of his nose. "It's only 9 o'clock."

"So?"

"So, lunch isn't for another 3 hours."

Naruto made a horrible face.

"Suck it up, kid. You're a ninja, aren't you?"

Naruto grumbled and got to his feet.

Gaara was watching him impassively.

"Ok," Asuma said tiredly, addressing Naruto. He'd realized early on that it was useless to issue directions of any kind to Gaara. The redhead took better to this workaround, where he was never directly told to do anything. "Keep practicing that jutsu, but trade off with sparring. Clones are fine, as you'll probably need them to try and get past Gaara's guard."

Naruto nodded, still rubbing his stomach.

"I'll be training with Nara out of range." He pointed east. It went without saying that this was to avoid any especially industrious sand, in case Gaara really let loose. Asuma wanted to keep the potential body count at zero.

Naruto's stomach rumbled loudly.

Asuma bit lightly on the end of his cigarette, debating. He finally reached behind him into one of his pouches, and tossed a rations stick at Naruto. The blonde's entire demeanor brightened considerably.

"We'll break at 12." He nodded to Nara Shikamaru and they disappeared into the east woods.

* * *

One o'clock rolled around, and Asuma's team was short two members. He looked at Shikamaru. He knew the pony-tailed boy was friends with the blond. "Uzumaki isn't the punctual type, is he?" It sounded like a statement of fact.

Shikamaru shook his head. "Nope. Especially if ramen is involved."

"Hmm." He smoked his cigarette in silence for a few minutes, as they stood in the empty clearing, watching the grass ripple every time the wind gusted.

"It could be a while," Shikamaru added.

Asuma sighed. He put out his stub of cigarette, and tucked it into one of his pouches to throw away later. He pulled out a new one. "Guess we'll start without them."

* * *

"What I'm saying," Kankuro stressed heavily, in his oddly cadenced voice, "is they couldn't BE any worse." The purple markings on his face accentuated his frown.

He and Temari ditched the later half of their training, for similar reasons, surprising each other on the doorstep of their temporary home away from home. Currently, Kankuro was lounging on the couch, for once not fiddling with one of his puppets.

"What's so bad about yours?" Temari's husky voice sounded skeptical.

"Aside from the fact that our names all rhyme?" _Ino, Shino, Kankuro._ It had to be somebody's sick idea of a joke.

"Yeah, aside from that, since ours do too."

"They SUCK."

Temari nodded sagely. "I feel ya on that one."

"The girl doesn't seem to know how to do anything but that spirit replacement body snatching whatzit, which is totally useless if she were fighting by herself, and the guy has BUGS."

"Bugs?"

Kankuro looked at her conspiratorially. "I don't even wanna know _where_ he keeps them all, but they're everywhere."

Temari made a face, but felt moved to ask, "Are they useful?"

"I'm not sure. He mostly just seems to talk to them. Creeps me out."

"At least that has potential. I got stuck with a no-name and the fat kid." She corrected herself, "I'm sorry, 'big boned.'"

Kankuro looked annoyed. " **I'm** big boned."

"You, yes. This kid is just fat. And no sense of humor. He tried to crush me with some move he called a 'meat tank.'" She shuddered. "And the other guy –"

The door beyond the living room opened and closed.

They stopped talking and looked at each other. The apartment's entry was through the kitchen, so they could not see who it was.

" _Gaara?"_ Temari mouthed quickly.

" _Who else could it be?"_ he mouthed back just as fast.

She shrugged. It was still early. Gaara shouldn't be back yet. Unless he'd killed someone or, more unlikely, had the same urge to ditch that his siblings had had.

Small, measured footsteps grew louder.

They were both holding their breath, watching the hallway.

Temari realized this and swatted Kankuro. _"Act normal!"_ she mouthed. They did their best not to let their brother know how intimidated they were of him.

Kankuro picked up Karasu, his favorite puppet, and started fiddling with it. Temari grabbed up a magazine from the coffee table and managed to look rather engrossed with an article she wasn't reading.

The footsteps reached the living room and paused.

Temari read the same sentence over and over, changing her expression minutely every moment or so. She wondered if Gaara was wondering why they were both here. If he was, he didn't bother to ask.

The footsteps resumed, moving down the hallway towards the bedroom.

Temari snuck a peek when she was sure he wouldn't see. Her brow furrowed as she noticed something odd.

The door at the end of the hall closed with finality.

Trailing Gaara had been a large amount of his sand, levitating and seemingly carrying something. It looked kind of like a person… like… Temari looked at Kankuro. He looked unsettled.

"Wasn't that that Naruto kid?" he asked.

Temari nodded.

They looked down the hall to where their brother had disappeared.

"Is this ok?" Kankuro worried. "I mean, he looked unconscious."

Temari shrugged helplessly. " **You** wanna be the one to go ask him about it?"

* * *

Naruto stirred, feeling his pulse beating in his head in not an unfamiliar way. He felt like he'd been hit with a ton of bricks. Sasuke had walloped him a few times before, when he hadn't had time to guard, and this felt about the same. He cracked his eyes open, expecting to find himself flattened on the training ground's grass. Somehow, instead, he was looking at an unfamiliar ceiling.

He rubbed his eyes and blinked. _Nope. Still there._

Naruto tried to sit up, and found that he couldn't. Was he really hurt? He found he could move his head a little, so he lifted it as best he could and looked around.

He was in a dim, beige-walled room. There was a desk and chair on the one side that looked like they had never been used, a tall nightstand-style table with a lamp, and whatever he was lying on. From his low vantage point, he guessed it was a mattress that lay directly on the floor. More importantly, in the far left corner, was Gaara. He was leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, watching him.

Naruto felt the hairs on the back of his neck raise.

Gaara's face was expressionless, blank, like usual, but there was something different about his eyes. They seemed too bright in the gloom.

"Where am I?" Naruto asked daringly, not liking the unease that had settled in him. Not that he could blame himself. He was in the presence of a real nut job, and he was immobile. That would throw anyone off.

Gaara pushed off of the wall and approached him in that slow, deliberate way of his. He stopped at the foot of the mattress and looked down at Naruto, his hair looking like a dingy halo of blood in the half-light.

"Hyuuga…" Gaara's voice matched the way he moved. Dangerous. "What is he to you?"

Naruto, against his better judgment, said, "Why can't I move?" He cringed a little inside, wondering if he was making things worse, but he couldn't help it. When push came to shove, he pushed back. He saw a flicker of something pass across the redhead's face.

"Sand."

"Well, get it offa me."

Gaara knelt down, leaning over him. "Answer."

Naruto felt the sand moving slowly against his skin. _Ew!_ Was it under his shirt even? Who knows how many once lively people the stuff had eradicated?

"He's a friend, I guess." _What kind of a weird ass question was that anyway?_ Coming from Gaara, it seemed particularly surreal.

"Why?" he returned flatly.

Naruto kicked his head back onto the mattress in frustration. "I don't know, maybe because he doesn't hold me down while asking me cryptic questions?"

The corner of Gaara's mouth turned up ever so slightly. His version of a smile?

The sand loosened its hold, retreating almost reluctantly, sliding off of him like trailing fingertips. His face turned red. The sand _had_ been under his shirt, and his pants as well!

Naruto looked up at the redhead's face, trying to catch some hint that Gaara was doing it on purpose, but he really couldn't tell.

Black rimmed eyes stared back at him, thoughts ghosting their aqua surfaces like mist. "We are similar."

Naruto digested that as he sat up. _Ultimately,_ he thought, _no we aren't._ "Similar how? I've never felt the need to kidnap people and hold them hostage." _Ever the joker,_ he thought at himself scathingly as a look of annoyance crossed Gaara's face.

"Er – sorry," mumbled. His eye twitched as he felt the ever-ready sand still clinging to him. He got preoccupied brushing at it. It was something to focus on other than the known sociopath invading his personal space.

"Why don't you judge me?"

"... I do." _I think you are a complete whack job._

"No. You think things - but you don't act like they do."

Good point. Most sane people tried to ignore the redhead, hoping they'd be ignored in return. But me? I feel compelled to **talk**.

Naruto shrugged. "What's a little crazy between friends?" Why was it so hard to keep himself from being flippant? He didn't really have a death wish, did he?

"I do not want your friendship."

Ouch. That was cold. "Well, sorry, I –" Naruto cut himself off. The fevered look had come back to those strange eyes. It raised the hair on his arms just to see it, especially when it was suddenly less than a foot away.

Gaara spoke as if he was unveiling some dark, hidden secret, "Your beast calls to mine -"

Beast? Was he referring to the Kyuubi? "Um…" Naruto floundered. _Oh my god, am I being hit on?_

"- and mine to yours. Can you not feel it?"

 _I feel your_ _ **crazy**_ _-vibes…_ "I'm not sure I do…" If Gaara **is** making a pass at me… does that mean I am more safe, or less safe, than I was 5 minutes ago?

Naruto's musings were cut short when he felt a hand hovering over his bare stomach. "Hey - !"

The sand had hiked his black shirt up exposing his abdomen and more flowed forward, keeping him from moving.

"This is where the seal is, isn't it?" Gaara said as his hand traced the air millimeters above flesh.

Naruto's skin was prickling oddly and his heart was thump-thudding in his chest. He was shaking his head 'no' when Gaara's hand descended, and the seal flared to life. It was the strangest sensation, but it felt as if Gaara's hand had passed _into_ him.

Naruto tried not to think of what else it sort of felt like, but his mind happily supplied a plethora of unwanted x-rated things into his conscious mind. He felt his face heat as Gaara leaned into him and bit his neck. It was kind of sexy and really scary at the same time. He tried to pull away, but the damn sand was keeping him in place.

Several very bad scenarios played through Naruto's head as he contemplated what this might mean for him.

Lips at his throat, and a hand on his stomach… both sliding lower. He was in serious trouble here.

He couldn't imagine who the redhead had had experience with doing this sort of thing, but he definitely seemed to know what he was doing. Problem was, he had no idea what exactly 'this sort of thing' entailed - in Gaara's twisted little mind would it involve being sexed up? Eaten? Eviscerated? Who knew, maybe a combination of the three?

"Gaara - " Naruto decided a distraction might be useful. "What happened to my jacket?"

"Gone." The word spoken against his skin made him shiver. "…wretched thing."

_GONE?!_

"What do you mean gone? That's my favorite jacket!"

Gaara bit him extremely hard. Probably to shut him up.

"Ow!" Naruto struggled against the sand more determinedly. The hell if he was going to sit here, being molested against his will while his precious jacket was lying discarded somewhere-!

Gaara had moved back, watching him with interest, a freaky smile forming on his face.

"What's so… funny?" Naruto huffed as he pulled at his unrelenting bonds. "Get this stuff off of me already."

"Make me."

Naruto's stomach jumped at the scary yet somehow bordering on seductive voice. Make him? Naruto scowled. Shit. How would he do _that_? The sand felt like iron manacles locking him in place and Gaara was regarding him like prey that had fallen into his trap. "How about you just let me go, and we'll call it even?"

Silence fell as they locked eyes.

Naruto bluffed with a glare that said ' _Don't_ _ **make**_ _me hurt you_.'

Gaara had an air of unrushed indifference in response, as if he knew he had all the cards, and it was not a matter of **if** something was going to happen, but **when**.

The sand began to move, and Naruto's heart began to flutter like a caged bird. His eyes did not leave Gaara's as the sand pressed him down slowly, flat on his back. His palms faced the ceiling as his arms were pinned beside him. Not good, NOT GOOD.

"I hope you know I don't put out on the first date," Naruto tried to joke as the redhead drifted closer. Maybe he could annoy Gaara into letting him go?

"I don't date," he murmured.

The sand flowed up around Naruto's stomach, grabbed the edge of his black shirt, and proceeded to rip it in two under Gaara's watchful eyes.

Naruto started to panic in earnest as he was stripped by such unconventional means. He started to babble, "You know, you might get along with people better if you tried the friends thing first. It seems like a hassle at first, but -"

"Unnecessary."

"You could try –"

"No."

"Maybe – "

"Silence."

Naruto's chest was now bare, his poor black shirt in ribbons. But alas, until the very end it had served him well. He felt ridiculously naked even though he still had his heavy orange pants on. He wondered how long he'd have those. He suddenly had the urge to laugh. Oh great, there goes the last of _my_ sanity.

Naruto closed his eyes tight as a hand ghosted up his chest.

* * *

TBC


	11. The Beasts Within

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

 **A/N:**  
I probably should have warned for the um… Gaara/Naru stuff last chapter…  
If that bit horribly disturbed anyone, or made their eyeballs bleed… I apologize. (Though I don't see _why_ your eyeballs would bleed, unless it was from the unexpected kinky hotness! LOL)

So, warning you now, there is a little more of Sand-Luvin'-Gaara™ featured in this chapter.

* * *

**Part 11: The Beasts Within**

The seal sent a humming through him that was unlike anything he'd felt before. Reacting to Gaara? It was disjointing. His heart was making double beats, as if he were being split into two. One half of him was scared as hell, and the other half wanted to see where this was all leading. He didn't trust the latter half _at all_. He was suspecting that Gaara might be right about the demon spirits being drawn to each other, but that did NOT make him feel any better. In fact, it made him more determined to get out of this than ever.

He thought briefly of Sasuke. For as much as he could be a complete asshole, when Naruto was around him, he felt safe. When things had happened between them, it was exciting, welcome, natural. It was nothing like this. With Gaara, he felt like he was fighting to stay whole, to not lose parts of himself – real or otherwise - while he was dragged into dementia. To say the least, it was not a happy experience.

Naruto's body was shaking, torn between the dualities emerging within him.

"Why do you fight it?" Murmured words caressed the air, suspended a hair's breadth above his lips. Naruto expected to smell blood or sand, to taste it, but he did not.

"I won't give in to it," he forced out, their lips brushing as he spoke. "Kyuubi does not rule me."

Gaara laughed softly. "I used to have the luxury of thinking that way. I was foolish."

Naruto opened his eyes. There was space between them again. "You can force it back. You don't have to let it have its way."

"No." Gaara's face was closed. A mask again. "It wants to devour me. Every time I let down my guard, even if just to sleep, it eats at my soul." Dead eyes looked back at him. "The more I hold back, the more I resist, the worse it gets. I let it have its way, and it is appeased."

Goddamn that would suck. Even Kyuubi wasn't _that_ bad. Naruto didn't know what to say, but he felt a pang of sympathy. "So uh – you wanting to jump me and all… that's just the demon speaking then?"

Gaara looked at him but said nothing.

Ooookay. Don't answer. "And if it wanted to kill me, would you do it?"

"I don't know."

"Do _you_ want me dead?"

"No."

"See, this is where the 'friends first' scenario can really work out."

Gaara looked confused.

"It gives you time to sort things out." Naruto stared at the ceiling, since it was in his line of vision, being on his back and all. "You say you wouldn't want me dead, yet you aren't certain that you wouldn't kill me."

"Yes."

"Why is that?"

"I don't know."

"How would anyone be ok with that?"

"It hasn't been a problem before."

Naruto sighed in frustration. "That's because you either avoid people or kill them!"

"It makes things simple."

"Well, maybe for **you**." Naruto felt a buzzing at his hip. His cell phone. "Tell that thing there's stuff you won't do. Verbally bitch-smack it if you have to, and put it in its place!"

"Is that what you did?" his voice was skeptical.

"Yeah."

"What's that noise?"

"My cell." Naruto sighed heavily. "I'd answer it, but I seem to be having mobility problems," he said pointedly.

"Who is it?" Gaara muttered to himself, ignoring him.

"Would you mind letting me up now?"

"Yes."

Gaara straddled him and patted him down for the phone.

Naruto squirmed as quick hands invaded his pockets, searching.

Gaara found it and stared at the blinking screen. "Hyuuga," he said darkly.

"Neji?" Oh, yeah! He was supposed to stay there tonight. Naruto wondered if it was later than he thought. Was it evening? "Let me talk to him."

Gaara turned the power off instead and tossed it aside.

Naruto was about to protest when there was a knock at the door. They both turned to look.

"Gaara?" The voice was hesitant.

Gaara, as usual, did not reply. He seemed a lot more interested in the half-naked blond he was currently on top of.

Naruto writhed as Gaara's mouth descended on his and hands ran down the length of his body. Gaara was straddling his hips and Naruto felt his body react, despite himself. Goddammit.

"I'm making dinner, would you like some?" It was Temari. She sounded apprehensive.

"No." He replied loud enough for her to hear through the closed door.

There was a pause.

"How about your little friend?"

Naruto was surprised anyone knew he was here. He struggled free enough to answer her, "Yes!"

"Naruto?" She sounded flummoxed that he was alive. "Uh – it'll be ready in 5 minutes, ok?"

Gaara glared murderously between him and the door.

* * *

Dinner was an awkward affair.

Temari was taking small, cautious bites, while staring at the center of the wooden table.

Kankuro was stacking peas into the tallest tower he could manage.

Gaara refused to eat. He sat in his chair, arms folded over his chest, emanating that evil aura he was so good at.

Naruto wondered if this was a typical atmosphere for this family of siblings.

Both Temari and Kankuro were glancing at him surreptitiously as he ate ravenously. He hadn't had anything since that rations stick Asuma had given him this morning, so he was starving. Also, constant fear and scary sand bondage could really work up an appetite.

Temari especially was staring at the left side of Naruto's neck. The place where Gaara had bitten him. He didn't know what he would even say about that if he was asked, though he doubted it would come up with Gaara there, so he tried not to think about it. Instead, he was thinking about making his escape. He was done for if he got pulled back into that room again. No, he had to bolt after dinner. It was the only way. Maybe the other two would be a sufficient distraction to slow Gaara down if he decided to stop Naruto from leaving.

"Temari," Naruto addressed the sister, startling her, "thanks for the meal, it was really good." Unspoken, he added, _and thanks for liberating me from your brother._ She nodded at him like she understood.

"If you'll excuse me," he said politely, "I have to return a phone call." He left the table. There was some food on his plate, promising that he'd be back.

He started punching numbers, stepped outside the front door casually, closing it lightly behind him. Then he ran like hell.

* * *

"Can you run that by me one more time?" Neji asked. Naruto was babbling frantically into the phone about demons and stalkers and eminent danger. Naruto took a deep breath and started over but he still wasn't making much sense. "Wait, disregard that. Where are you?"

"I was on my way to your house since I said I would and all… but… I think it'll be too dangerous…"

"Dangerous?"

"I mean if he comes after me that'll be one of the first places he'll look, and OH GOD what am I going to do TOMORROW?!"

"NARUTO."

"What?" He sounded harried.

"Where are you right now?"

Naruto told him in a relatively coherent way.

"I'll come get you."

"No. I have to keep on the move."

"Then I'll meet you."

"But what if –"

Neji hung up, convinced that Naruto wasn't going to see reason. He didn't like doing it, but the blond would have just talked himself out of coming, and Neji still wouldn't know what the hell had happened. He tucked his cell phone into his pants pocket, and left his room.

Naruto must have been moving really fast as Neji encountered him a mere 5 minutes from home. The blond's appearance was truly awe-inspiring. Rumpled, shirtless, dazed, winded. Neji had to grab him by the shoulders to keep him from passing right by.

"Naruto!"

Wide eyes focused on him. "Neji."

Neji looked him over once more, his brows knit. He then noticed a rather prominent bite mark on the left side of the blond's neck. "What in the hell happened to you?"

Naruto latched onto Neji like a burr, burying his face into the folds of his lose, long sleeved shirt. "Gaara's my stalker!" he wailed into Neji's chest.

Neji felt a surge of anger (after an intense pang of guilt at the way Naruto still didn't suspect him). " _Gaara_ did this to you?"

"He's maladjusted," Naruto he said as if that explained everything.

"That's no excuse."

"No, but it's the truth."

Neji folded an arm around Naruto, ushering him into motion. "Let's go inside."

Naruto complied, hesitantly. "I think he hates you."

"He hates everyone."

"Not me, apparently. But I think he especially hates you, because he thinks we're more than friends and he's jealous… and what if he decides to kill everyone at your house because I'm there?"

"Don't worry about that. "

"Why not? It's a valid concern."

It most certainly was. "If something happens, we'll handle it. You'll be safer at my home than you would be alone, at yours."

"I wasn't going to go home," Naruto protested.

Neji gave him a bland look.

"Ok, so maybe I was, but only because I don't want anyone to get hurt on my account."

" So you figured maybe you'd let him have his way with you and at least he wouldn't kill anyone?"

"Er…" Boy, that did sound like a stupid plan. "Something like that."

"Unacceptable."

They reached the gate, and Neji let them in. The compound, it really was large enough to be called such, was empty and quiet in the fading light.

Naruto trailed Neji as he led the way to the house.

* * *

"Hey, Neji?" Naruto was wrapped in a fluffy robe, his hair still damp from washing. He was nodding off a little, his head resting on Neji's shoulder as the other boy read a book.

"Hm?"

"Why do crazy people have to be so unreasonable?" He knew where Gaara was coming from, oddly enough, but the situation he'd forced them into was untenable. It was a shame, as the redhead would probably have benefited from forming a bond to someone. But Naruto wasn't willing to be that person in the terms that had been presented to him. He didn't want to have to worry about getting jumped or killed at any given moment. His life didn't need that kind of stress.

"Perhaps it just comes with the territory."

Silence lapsed between them.

Neji continued reading, becoming lulled by the calm atmosphere and the comfortable weight of the blond resting against his side.

"Neji?" Naruto's voice sounded sleepy.

"Yes?"

Naruto's breathing had gotten rather steady and deep, so Neji was surprised that he was still awake.

"I've been wondering… but are you the stalker?"

Neji's stomach lurched suddenly and his blood felt like it froze in his veins. He was now painfully alert.

Naruto continued on, obliviously, head still resting on his shoulder, "I mean Gaara is stalking me, I know that NOW, but he didn't seem to have a computer…"

"And you've seen a computer here?" Neji kept his voice low and calm and mentally crossed his fingers that he could outmaneuver the blond on this. He didn't think being honest would win him any points.

"Well, no."

"Besides that," Neji murmured, as if still tranquil, "what is this stalker stuff about? And why does having a computer matter?"

Naruto yawned. "Didn't I tell you?"

"No."

"Oh."

Naruto paused. Or maybe he was drifting off. Neji couldn't tell.

"Someone was stalking me online… wrote fics about us n' stuff and hit on me through AIM." Naruto was mumbling and rambling on a little.

"Fics?" Neji prompted quietly, feigning ignorance.

"Mm. Stories." The blonde was very close to sleep if the slur in his voice was any indication. He nestled unconsciously against Neji, tucking his arms into his chest as if he were a little cold. His eyes were closed.

Neji realized he could ask or say just about anything right now, and Naruto probably wouldn't remember it later.

"What kind of stories about us?"

"Smut," he said in that quiet, matter-of-fact way that sleep talkers have.

Neji felt his heart start to beat a bit harder despite himself. He'd told himself that it was very possible Naruto had feelings for Uchiha, in which case he had to take a backseat as a friend. It's just that having Naruto so close and openly telling him that he'd read those kinds of things between them…

"What made you read them?" he asked softly.

"Sasuke was fooling 'round… reading stuff and I picked you over Gaara when he asked…"

Neji wasn't sure what to make of that. "And you read them after that?" he prompted, knowing that Naruto had.

"Mmhmm. 'Cause they were good… y'know?"

Warmth pooled in his stomach at the admission. He tried to push it from his mind, but he was feeling an overwhelming urge to kiss the blond. He tilted the blond's head up. "Naruto… I like you," he confessed, just to see what would happen. At least if he was brushed off here, he could get these crazy ideas out of his head and Naruto would be none the wiser. He really despised Uchiha for getting to Naruto first.

"Like you too," Naruto mumbled back endearingly, blinking sleepily.

Neji couldn't take it anymore. He knew Naruto might still like Uchiha more, but right now he didn't care. He leaned in, capturing Naruto's soft lips in a gentle kiss.

His heart beating rapidly, Neji probed the line of Naruto's lips with the tip of his tongue. His breath caught as he gained admittance, and the blond hesitantly began kissing him back.

His head spun, as the effect Naruto had on him washed through his body. He was dimly aware of laying Naruto back down onto the bed as their kiss deepened, of their legs interlocking, of the small sound Naruto made in the back of his throat.

knock knock

"Neji-sama?"

Neji jumped as he registered that there was someone at the door, surprise shooting through his veins as he was brought back to his senses.

His cheeks felt hot as he disentangled himself from Naruto, wondering what had possessed him to act so unthinkingly.

"What is it?" Neji called out.

Neji glanced at Naruto, afraid that the blond would be angry, or upset over what had been happening between them. He appeared nonplussed, though a faint blush stained his cheeks.

"There is someone here to see both of you."

Naruto tensed and gave Neji a panicked look. "Gaara?" he whispered.

Neji shook his head. "I don't know." He looked to the door again, speaking loudly, "Who is it, did they say?"

"They neglected to provide a name, Neji-sama, but they are waiting for you at the main gate." The voice paused. "I suggest you hurry. They seem rather… foul tempered."

"We'll be there shortly."

Naruto jumped up. "I can't fight Gaara in a robe! Where are my pants?"

"Over there." Neji pointed to the back of a chair and went to find a shirt Naruto could borrow.

He turned his back as Naruto shucked off the robe.

Neji did not relish facing the sand demon, but it had to be done and he wasn't letting Naruto do it without him. At least the blond had gotten his fighting spirit back - It had been disturbing to see him like he was earlier.

* * *

The gate opened slowly, seemingly forever, as it moved to reveal the unnamed visitor.

The air was thick with tension.

Naruto and Neji stood with false calm, ready to spring into action at a moment's notice. There would be no second chances.

Naruto's heart was pounding in his head. He wasn't certain anymore that he had what it would take to beat the sand-nin. He'd been knocked out during training, and rendered useless when the sand prevented him from using hand seals, as his last encounter could attest to.

A hand, and then an arm became visible as the gate scrolled to the left, pale skin reflecting moonlight. The gate rolled past, exposing a shoulder, a side, a down-turned head, the whole of the dark-clad figure. Only when the gate was no longer obscuring him did he look up, his expression dark, his eyes scary.

"Naruto."

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a diehard sasuNaru OTP.... but..... not gonna lie, gaaraNaru is kinda hot. (though I felt bad making it so scary haha)


	12. Showdown

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

* * *

**Part 12: Showdown**

A hand, and then an arm became visible as the gate scrolled to the left, pale skin reflecting moonlight. The gate rolled past, exposing a shoulder, a side, a down-turned head, the whole of the dark-clad figure. Only when the gate was no longer obscuring him did he look up, his expression dark, his eyes scary.

"Naruto."

"Sasuke?!" Naruto felt any number of things at that moment but surprise lorded over them all.

Sasuke immediately noticed the dark bite marks on Naruto's neck and his hostility damn near exploded. "HYUUGA."

Naruto made the connection Sasuke had and jumped to intervene. "Wait, Sasuke, That wasn't him – "

Sasuke's Sharingan flared to life as his body fell into a fighting stance.

Neji did likewise, invoking Byakugan to his pale eyes.

"Dammit, Sasuke, it was Gaara!"

They were circling around each other now, so intent that they probably weren't hearing Naruto at all. This would be a horrific fight. Dislike was radiating off of them almost visibly.

"I warned you, Hyuuga."

"Bring it, Uchiha."

Naruto debated breaking it up as they seemed rather hell bent, but self-preservation rose to the fore.

"Who is gonna help keep Gaara away from me if you two kill each other?!" he yelled.

"What?" Sasuke said. His red eyes swept to Naruto. "Did something happen?"

"Behind the times, Uchiha," Neji mocked him quietly.

"Shut it, Hyuuga," he snarled back.

"Quit it! You're both giving me a headache!" Naruto shouted.

The two stopped quibbling.

"What happened?" Sasuke asked again.

"Well, Gaara sort of accosted me today –"

"What?" Sasuke interrupted him, incredulous. "How was there time?!" He looked at Neji. "I would've thought you'd be dogging his every move, being a stalker and all. How did you let this happen?"

Neji glared at him. Oh, if looks could kill.

Naruto didn't miss that exchange. "He knocked me out during training and dragged me back to his place, where I discovered the joys of sand-bondage and psychopaths, and why do you still think Neji is the stalker?"

"Are you ok?" Sasuke followed the double conversation without missing a beat. "Because he IS. Why don't you ask him why he never told you I came to see you the last time you were here? "

"Physically, yes," Naruto replied. He turned to Neji. "What is he talking about?"

Neji was looking at Sasuke pityingly. He shrugged. "I never saw him that day."

"So that's how you do it," Sasuke said as realization dawned on him. "Half truths… You didn't **see** me because you wouldn't open the damn gate."

Naruto looked from one dark haired boy to the other.

"And how do you explain the stalker's nice new fic appearing the same DAY Naruto stayed over here?"

Neji internally vowed to kill the damn Uchiha for putting him on the spot like this.

"And how," Sasuke continued, "Would the stalker know, without a doubt, that Naruto wasn't at home that night, or anywhere else that he could be IMing from? Unless, of course, he was with Naruto at the time?"

 _Fuck._ Neji marshaled all his wit, ready to bullshit the hell out of this to the best of his ability, when Naruto spoke.

"Were you impersonating me?" Naruto gave Sasuke a strange look.

Sasuke set his jaw stubbornly. "Yes."

"And you somehow have my password, even though I never gave it to you?"

"…Yes."

Naruto turned to Neji. "And you really are the stalker?"

Neji crossed his arms. "I admit nothing."

He felt Naruto looking at him, but he chose to focus instead on the smug eyes of the Sharingan user. He'd be damned if he was going down alone. "Though it looks like Uchiha would've been stalking you if he hadn't had the privilege of seeing you every day. Isn't that right, _Sasuke_?"

Sasuke bristled. "Don't compare me to you!"

* * *

Naruto felt like his brain was being compressed by a swarm of overly industrious circus mice. "I can't handle this," he muttered, clutching his head. He staggered around Sasuke and headed through the gate, intent on going home, sleeping in his own bed, and forgetting for a few hours how fucked up his personal life was becoming.

"You can't," Neji said, catching his arm, apparently guessing his plan. His face exhibited nothing of the cavalier attitude he'd shown but moments before, only a calm intensity. "You won't be safe."

"And why should I listen to a stalker?" he shot back, trying to wrench his arm out of Neji's solid grasp. He felt exceedingly tired and overwhelmed, and he knew he was just going to take it out on anybody who got near him. He'd suspected Neji and all, but to _know_ it was true… And Sasuke, he was no better. Sure, he wasn't so much of a stalker, but he had the tendencies AND he had the whole asshole thing going for him.

"Naruto can stay with me," Sasuke said tersely.

"Stop thinking only about yourself, Uchiha," Neji said sharply. "He'll be safer here."

"There's no way he's staying here alone with you!"

"Don't I get a say in this?" Naruto interjected limply.

"NO," they replied in unison.

"Didn't think so," he mumbled as they continued to talk over his head.

"Fine," Neji said, "If you stay here as well, will that appease you?"

Sasuke deliberated.

"A spare room is not a problem," Neji added.

"Then who is staying with Naruto? If we're all in different rooms, that won't do him much good."

Neji frowned. "You have a point."

"Why don't we all stay in the same room then?" Naruto suggested drolly. "That way nobody can be accused of molesting me?"

* * *

"I didn't think you meant in the same bed," Sasuke grumbled. He was wearing borrowed sleep clothes and was currently glaring at the ceiling of Hyuuga's room, something he never would have thought he'd be doing.

Neji had to agree with Sasuke. This annoyed him, however, as did the entire situation, so he decided to taunt the other boy. "I never imagined _you_ would ever be in my bed, Uchiha." Neji, also lying on his back, was staring at the ceiling with disdain.

"Yeah, you wish," Sasuke said sarcastically. "I'm surprised you haven't written a story for that too."

"I'd cut my own throat first."

"Stop complaining," Naruto said. His arms were crossed as he lay stiffly between the two. "One bed was the only solution. None of the rooms can handle three separate ones – they're all too large – and two beds wouldn't keep both of you happy either."

"How am I supposed to sleep with a yaoi porn author right next to me?" Sasuke grumbled.

"He's not next to you, he's next to me – "

Neji laughed shortly. "Don't act like you didn't read just about everything on that fic site, Uchiha."

"I didn't!" Sasuke protested.

"You knew there were SasuItachi fics," Naruto said unhelpfully. If they weren't going to stop, he might as well join in.

"Oh, those _are_ hard to find," Neji said. He whistled as if he was impressed, knowing it would rankle the uptight brunet. "You must know the site better than I thought, Uchiha."

Sasuke spluttered angrily, "At least I didn't READ them! _Naruto_."

"I was bored," Naruto said, not rising to the bait.

"No guess as to who the _uke_ was in those," Neji mused, just loud enough for Sasuke to hear.

Sasuke growled.

Naruto threw an arm across his chest to keep him from getting up.

Neji smirked.

"It's a given," Naruto said. "He's older, and crazy. The crazies always top."

"Is Hyuuga one of the crazies then?" Sasuke sneered. "He always topped in **his** fics."

Naruto's face turned red. "We are NOT talking about that! And why do you know so much about it?"

Sasuke answered with petulant silence. He was not going to admit that he read all of Hyuuga's stories, just so he could try to get the drop on him and keep Naruto from falling into his clutches.

"Stalker," Neji baited.

"ME?" Sasuke raged, "Look who's talking, you –"

"If you two don't stop RIGHT NOW, I'm going home - where I'll probably get pwned by a psycho – and though the thought of it makes me want to cry, at least I won't have to listen to _this_."

There was silence once more.

In fact, there were several minutes worth before it was inevitably broken.

"You ever read Gaara/Naruto?" Neji asked.

"No," Naruto said. "I was afraid of mutilation."

"As you should be," Neji acknowledged. " _You_ read them though, didn't you, _Sasuke_?"

"Don't call me that."

"Fine. Uchiha. Now answer the question."

"Yes. They were terrible."

"Do you think he writes any of them?"

"That's it," Naruto said, sitting up. He couldn't bear the thought of Gaara writing fanfiction about him. Especially not the sicko types he was imagining. He tried to get up to leave but his arms were grabbed and both Sasuke and Neji yanked him back down.

"I sincerely hope not," Sasuke replied. "We don't need more of YOU running around."

"I resent that."

"You should."

"At least I'm mentally stable."

"I'm not," Naruto interrupted, wondering how he was going to survive the night.

* * *

Dawn broke cruel and vengeful upon the three exhausted ninja.

None of them had gotten much sleep, between the bickering and being unaccustomed to each other's unconscious movements and restlessness.

Sasuke woke first, as he had a beam of sunlight happily trying to burn out one of his eyeballs. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his two bedmates.

Neji, his back turned to the rising sun, was still asleep. If the bed had been all that much smaller he could've been spooning Naruto, who was facing the same way.

Sasuke looked down at Naruto, who was burrowed against his side, sleeping with an arm wrapped around him. He reached out and brushed the blond bangs out of his eyes, marveling at how peaceful the boy looked like this. Naruto swiped at his face with a limp hand, then turned his head into Sasuke's chest.

Maybe things would be ok. Was it a sign, that when put between the two of them, Naruto had sidled up to him instead of Neji? Or was it merely a coincidence?

"Naruto," he said quietly, leaning closer to the blond's ear. "Wake up."

Naruto shifted and clutched him tighter, a leg carelessly thrown between his. His body was flush against Sasuke's. "Mmm. Sasuke," he mumbled in a sleep-rough voice. Sasuke felt his face heat suddenly.

"Wake up, dobe," he whispered, trying not to also wake Hyuuga. There were some things he couldn't deal with in the morning. Hyuuga was one. A sexy sounding Naruto wrapped around his body while they were in Hyuuga's bed was another.

His self-control cracked as he felt one of Naruto's hands slide under his shirt. Morning was a horrible time for this. He could feel his body start to react as he felt Naruto against his hip. Oh, no. This was the worst time and place for something like this. He had to put a stop to this, and take the lesser evil. Waking Neji.

"NARUTO," he said loudly, shaking him. "Wake up, _Dobe_ , we'll be late for training."

Neji sat up, blinking tiredly. "Morning already?" he muttered, putting a hand to his head. He looked punch-drunk. Sasuke was pretty sure he didn't look much better himself.

Neji reached his other hand out and shook Naruto's shoulder. "It's time for breakfast."

Naruto's eyes blinked open. "Really?" he asked, suddenly awake.

Neji squinted at his clock. "Actually, no. There isn't time. We all overslept." He threw his legs over the side of the bed and got to his feet unsteadily.

Sasuke followed suit. Naruto curled into a ball and shut his eyes. Sasuke sighed in exasperation and yanked him out of bed.

"I'll leave him to you," Neji said. "My training area is further away than both of yours, and I won't make it if I don't leave now."

Sasuke nodded in acknowledgement, and struggled to make Naruto stand on his own two feet.

Neji frowned. "I suppose I could help you get him to the gate, however."

* * *

Naruto yawned widely. "Sasuke, I'm hungry." He hung on Sasuke's shoulder as if he was too weak to support himself. "Can't we get something to eat on the way?"

"There's no time." It was a good thing Naruto's training area was near his. He doubted the blond would have made it there on his own today.

"Then let's skip and go get some breakfast."

"No. You can't afford to miss another day so soon after the last one."

"Uuugh, Sasukeeeee, you're so straight-laced," he whined.

"I am not. I'm disciplined." He didn't think straight laced applied to people who had trouble not jumping their best friend, even when there were other people around.

"Hmph," Naruto grumbled, sliding off of him at last. It was time to part ways.

"Naruto."

"Yeah?" Naruto paused in his leaving.

"If you want, I'll treat you to ramen when we're done."

Naruto's face broke into a smile. "Really?"

Sasuke smiled back, though it was dimmer in comparison. "Yeah. And maybe when you have time, we can start sparring again… I think I'm getting rusty."

"You? HA!" Naruto was grinning now. "But I'll come kick your butt if you really miss it so much."

"Pfft," Sasuke scoffed, but barreled forward anyhow. "You can stay over sometime, if you want, since my place is so much closer."

"Um…" Naruto hesitated. "I'd like to… but the last time didn't go so well… you know?"

Oh damn. He didn't really expect Naruto to suddenly bring _that_ up. And so quickly too. "That won't happen again," he promised.

Naruto looked more and more distant. "It was a mistake then?" His tone of voice was ambivalent, not indicating what the right answer would be, but Sasuke knew how he was going to reply anyway.

"The only mistake was how I acted afterwards," he said honestly. "I guess it was just kind of unexpected and I freaked out a little."

"You freaked out a lot." Naruto crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. "Bit of an ego killer, you know," he muttered.

Downhill. This was all going downhill. Time to stop beating around the bush. Time to be blunt. He took a deep breath. Wow, this was hard. "Naruto-" The blond looked back at him. "I like you."

"You what?"

"I like you."

Naruto shook his head. "That isn't what you just said."

Sasuke's brow furrowed. "Yes it is, I said I –"

"You said you _loved_ me."

 _What?!_ Sasuke almost wished he would die from the spontaneous heart failure he was experiencing at the moment. Blunt. Too blunt! He stared at Naruto with wide eyes. He'd meant to take this slow. Lesser admissions first… not the big one. Not the one that he'd been mulling over almost constantly as of late. Not the one that was both exhilarating, and scared the shit out of him. Not _that_ one, when he wasn't even sure how it would be received.

"Is that true?"

"Uh, well – you see –" Oh goddammit.

"Sasuke?" Naruto's voice was soft, as if he were trying not to startle him into taking off.

Sasuke deliberated as fast as he could. If he denied it now and Naruto did have feelings for him, any chance they might have of working things out could be crushed. On the other hand, he could be horrible at expressing himself and he might screw this up anyway.

Sasuke did the only thing he could think of. He stepped forward and kissed Naruto, trying to admit his feelings in a way that did not have him stammering like a blithering idiot.

Naruto's mouth opened to his slowly, enveloping his senses. It was like diving - a heady rush that flowed around him, submerging him. Hands gripped Sasuke's shoulders. Clenching. Unclenching. Like the paws of a cat.

Naruto made a small, helpless sound and kissed him back for all he was worth.

Sasuke wrapped his arms around the blond, basking in the warmth of the other boy's body pulled close to his. He breathed in the elusive scent of him that pulled at things low in his body. Naruto was an aphrodisiac. One that was hard-hitting, permanent, and had no cure.

The rational, practical part of Sasuke's mind tried to inform him exactly how late this was going to make him. He ignored it. Maybe Naruto was right. Maybe they should skip today's training.

"Sasuke…" Naruto pulled away, his voice husky and rough. "We're late." His blue eyes were languid, inviting. Everything in his face spoke in favor of ditching obligations, forever if need be, just so long as they could stay like this.

"I know." Sasuke knew they shouldn't miss. There would be hell to pay. Yet, amazingly, he found that he didn't care. He tilted his face into Naruto's neck, happy to drown in the smell of warm skin.

"A-HEM," someone cleared their throat loudly.

Sasuke jumped back, remembering all of a sudden that the world existed. Unfortunately, that world included them – standing in the middle of a well-used street.

In a rush, Sasuke's awareness flared out, allowing him to see not only the broad, matronly woman standing with her hands on her hips before him, but the steady stream of villages who were detouring around them.

"You're ninja, aren't you?" the heavyset woman snipped, glaring at them. She had a bland, forgettable appearance. In fact, the only remarkable thing about her was her attitude.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at her. Why couldn't she have just gone around them like everyone else?

"Y-Yes," Naruto stuttered out, startled at her tone.

"If you aren't going to get a real job," she said sharply, "shouldn't you be out training somewhere, or doing something useful instead of blocking the street?"

Sasuke scowled at her. _Not a real job?_ Just because it wasn't a classic 9 to 5? Ninja had longer hours than almost anyone else, and risked their lives on nearly a daily basis. For people like this? They could damn well show a little appreciation. Somehow people conveniently forgot who saved their asses whenever trouble threatened the village.

"We –" the blonde tried again.

"Honestly. A display like that?" She heaved the bag she was carrying to a more comfortable position on her ample hip and favored them with a lofty look of disdain. "The least you could do is not impede the rest of us working folk," she huffed and stomped off.

Sasuke narrowly resisted the urge to throw a kunai at her retreating back.

"Sasuke, forget it," Naruto muttered to him, tugging on his arm. More people had stopped to stare.

Sasuke was surprised to find he had drawn a kunai in his right hand and was running his thumb across the thick base of the throwing knife. He hastily shoved it back into his pouch with the others as he let Naruto pull him away from pedestrian traffic.

"Stupid villagers," Sasuke muttered under his breath. "Do they have ANY idea what we go through protecting them and this stupid village? Do they have any CLUE as to what we're up against if we get attacked by any of a dozen powerful ninja, should they decide on a whim that they want to take over Leaf?"

"No, they probably don't," Naruto replied. "Leave them to their blissful ignorance, where a couple of wayward ninja blocking the roadway is all they have to worry about."

"Che," Sasuke scoffed, thrusting his hands into his pockets with a sour look on his face. "Do something _useful_ , she says. Unbelievable." That ox had been a total mood killer, he thought unkindly. Plus, she'd gone out of her way to interrupt them, and it had cost her more time than if she'd simply been a decent person and gone around.

Sasuke mentally added her to his list of _'People to Dispose of If I Ever Turn Evil'_.

"Um, Sasuke?"

Sasuke looked up, pulled from his diabolical thoughts of revenge. The dappled sunshine, filtered through the trees, played across the blond's face and made sections of his hair to shine like white gold. His blue eyes matched the sky – the hue of cloudless, limitless altitudes. The kind of sky that seems to swallow you when you look up into it.

"About earlier…" Naruto began hesitantly.

Sasuke suddenly felt his heart seize in his chest.

 **How** earlier? Kiss earlier, invite-for-ramen earlier, or Sasuke-you-were-an-asshole earlier? Was this going to be good or bad? _Should I interrupt?_ No, Sasuke, be a man about it. "Yes?" he prompted.

Naruto just looked at him with those eyes for a long moment.

Sasuke felt his heart beat like the grinding of rusty gears.

Finally, though, the blond stretched his arms back and laced his fingers behind his head with a trademark grin. This didn't fool Sasuke. He'd seen this sort of mood shift before. Whatever was on the blond's mind was still there. Though he couldn't help but feel relieved at the temporary reprieve.

"I hope you have enough on you to feed my ramen habit later," Naruto warned blithely.

Well, that was good at least. Naruto was still going to meet him after training was over.

"I'll add it to your tab," Sasuke said with a faint smirk. Their familiar banter was unfolding around them. Thank god. He'd missed it… To him, it was the sign that things were ok between them.

"Whaaaaaaaaaat?" Naruto screeched. "You said you were treating me!"

Sasuke smiled. "Maybe, maybe not." How long had it been since anything had felt normal between himself and Naruto? Days? Weeks? Or had it been even longer?

"You jerk! You can't offer ramen, then snatch it away!" Naruto grabbed the front of Sasuke's shirt, hauling him forward till they were nose-to-nose. His whisker-marks canted upward as he mock growled.

Sasuke's hands reflexively grasped the blond's wrists.

The air between them grew heavy as they stared at each other.

Naruto's bare skin felt hot in his hands. How long had it been that he had had this stomach fluttering uneasiness near the blond?

Naruto's playful anger faded. His eyes looked serious once more, his pupils dilating widely. He leaned forward, hesitantly at first, and brushed his lips against Sasuke's.

Soft, warm. A chaste kiss. But there was an intensity to it, Sasuke thought. Something electric that he felt to the core of him. Longing? Promise?

Naruto moved back and Sasuke released him automatically, still sorting through things.

"I'll see you after training," the blond said.

Sasuke came back to himself. He fished out his shiny blue cell phone, and held it aloft. "If Gaara causes you problems, call me."

A flicker of something crossed Naruto's face. Apprehension? But it was gone again, chased by a ready smile.

"Can't let him drag me off again, when I have ramen to live for," the blond joked as they parted ways.

* * *

TBC

FYI: Sasuke and Naruto will be drawing close to each other and things will be heating up! The rest of this fic is definitely flavored sasunaru.

And there is a nice lemon ahead very soon. Suspense! I know you're all just waiting to see how who tops who. Will it be Sasuke pushing the smex, or will it be Naruto? XD


	13. Training Woes and Tasty Grass

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

* * *

**Part 13: Training Woes and Tasty Grass**

"You are beyond late, Naruto."

Naruto nodded absently as Shikamaru greeted him thusly.

 _Sasuke_ , he thought, his stomach leaping in a burst of butterflies as he relived those not-so-private but oh-so-wonderful kisses. Images of the dark haired boy floated before his eyes: Sasuke with a faint smile; Sasuke with the mocking look of challenge he often adopted as he playfully taunted Naruto; and finally, a look he'd discovered only recently, flustered Sasuke – featuring wide obsidian eyes, a creased brow, and the faintest of blushes coloring those high cheekbones. Naruto found that he loved flustered-Sasuke. As soon as he'd seen that look on his dark haired friend, he'd felt compelled to goad him into flushed-and-embarrassed Sasuke. It wasn't a conscious decision. It was an impulse, and he'd soon discovered that the best way to get that reaction was to invade Sasuke's personal space.

Uncharacteristically, especially for the stoic Uchiha heir, Sasuke would not only flush and stammer but he would get this wonderful mix of uncertainty and desire in his gaze as he back-pedaled.

As far as Naruto knew, the dark haired boy had never given ground to anyone or anything in his life. That he would do so now was something to be explored.

So he had. And he came to the conclusion that there was more than just rivalry between them.

It had surprised him, at first. But, almost as quickly, he got used to the idea. Granted, it took the help of those yaoi sites to make him able to perceive such things in the first place…

"Uzumaki," Asuma, their instructor, prompted. "Your reason for missing the 2nd half of training yesterday?"

Naruto broke free of his thoughts, reluctantly abandoning a series of 'what-if's regarding his plans for the evening. He was wondering if something might happen, like last time. He both wanted it to, and dreaded it. Ah, emotional stuff was so confusing!

"Uzumaki?" Asuma's voice was harder this time.

"Y-Yes…" _Whoops, got caught into internal monologue-ing again._ "Um…" Reason for missing training? "Well, you see…" _Gaara kidnapped me so he could molest me?_ He could say that, but then there'd be questions and he really didn't want to relive the experience. Especially not when Gaara was right there next to him, his pale eyes surveying him surreptitiously.

"I- ah…. ate too much ramen…. and I got sick and I had to go home. I couldn't even move afterwards." There, that was a paradigm of how **not** to lie effectively.

Shikamaru squinted an eye at him; apparently he wasn't convinced.

Asuma looked put-upon, his cigarette drooping sullenly from his mouth. He scratched his head, his brown eyes looking back at the blonde blandly. "You got sick."

"Um… yeah." _Way to go, Naruto!_ his inner voice cheered sarcastically. _Now you've left no room for anything BUT doubt in their minds._

A random flurry of wind gusted by, accentuating the awkwardness of the moment.

"Naruto…" Shikamaru said. "I've seen you down 12 bowls of ramen at a time with no problem. How much did you have to eat to give yourself a stomachache?"

 _Think, Naruto, think!_ "Er – sixty?"

"You don't have the kind of money it would take to buy all that." Shikamaru didn't bother pointing out that not even Naruto would be able to consume that much ramen; nothing human, or even demon possessed, could handle that much. Yes, that was obvious. Therefore he'd voiced not the _improbability_ of the statement, but the monetary difficulties that would arise were such a thing even possible.

"Tsunade gave me a raise," Naruto persisted.

The pony-tailed boy stood lazily, weight on one foot, a hand hooked in a belt loop of his pants. He managed to look bored, but his eyes were focused in thought. The sun glinted dully off the small gunmetal hoops adorning each of his ears.

Between the earrings, the fishnet, the hint of kohl surrounding his sharp eyes, and his dizzying intellect, he gave off the impression of genius/punk. He was probably the first to manage something like that.

"No, she didn't. And what is that huge bruise on the side of your neck?" Shikamaru was nothing if not observant.

"N-Nothing!" Naruto stammered, his face turning red at Shikamaru's level gaze. How could he have forgotten the hickey? How could he have forgotten to cover it up with a band-aid, a turtleneck, or **something**? He glanced at Gaara unintentionally, since he was the one who'd made the mark. The redhead looked equal parts annoyed, amused, and possessive. Naruto felt a quaver of misgiving as their eyes met and possessive came to the fore. Eek.

"Shouldn't we stop wasting time and start training?" Naruto suggested quickly. "Maybe I should train with you today, Asuma-sensei?" he asked hopefully. He did not want to be left to Gaara's devices, and Shikamaru was bound to ask more questions.

"That would be useless," Gaara said. "We are far more suited to each other."

 _Quaver/Shudder/Fear_. Naruto froze like a rabbit encountering a fox. The double meaning was not lost upon him. Pale aqua eyes held him in place just as solidly as the sand had the day before. They were pale as tinted glass, his eyes. Transient as mist. Mist trapped in a delicately colored globe, held suspended, and framed by the darkest of blacks.

Gaara was going to eat him alive.

"He's kidding," Naruto said desperately. "We're nowhere NEAR on the same level."

Asuma scratched his chin and contemplated. He looked at Shikamaru, who shrugged.

Naruto inched away from the redhead.

"Well," Asuma said finally, "I think you _are_ about the best match we have for Gaara…"

 ** _Noooooooooooooo!_** Inner Naruto wailed.

Gaara smiled subtlety. _'You're mine'._

"…but, perhaps we should focus on teamwork as well as one-on-one combat," their instructor finished.

Inner Naruto cheered with joy.

Gaara frowned violently.

Shikamaru shrugged.

* * *

Despite their instructor's intentions, they more or less ended up fighting one-on-one anyway, just in the same vicinity. Occasionally, one of them would break from their own fight to land a helpful blow to their teammate's opponent to break a stalemate or try to give their teammate the upper hand.

Once, Shikamaru shadow-bound one of Gaara's legs momentarily while Naruto regained his feet. The redhead did not take kindly to this, and tried to crush the brunet under a fist of sand. Naruto launched a few clones at the sand-nin as a distraction while Asuma hurriedly knocked Shikamaru, his opponent, out of the way just in time.

* * *

Unruffled, Gaara returned his attention to his blond prey. His eyes narrowed and he wet his lips.

Naruto's eyes widened as he felt sand slip into his pant leg and form a cuff around his ankle. He tried desperately to shake it off, but nothing happened except for the cuff tightening and his leg becoming immobile.

More sand followed, as Naruto sent clones after the redhead. It flowed up his skin, over the cuff. Not a quantity that would be easily noticed by the other two ninja, who were deep in concentration within their own battle, but enough to make Naruto wildly uneasy.

Ankle. Calf. Knee. Up the back of his leg. Trickling. Distracting. Then the sand curved up around his buttcheek, threatening to do unspeakable things, and Naruto's attacks fell apart. This gave Gaara the opening he needed. The clones paused stupidly, looking back at the original in horror. Gaara's sand blasted upward in short eruptions, impaling and dispatching them, before streaking towards Naruto who was beating at his clothes in panic.

The wave of tumbled silica granules hit Naruto like a sucker punch, knocking him backwards about 20 ft, into the trunk of a large tree. The air in his lungs left him explosively as his back impacted the rough bark. He slid to the ground in a heap, trying in vain to get his bearings, as his head swam dizzily.

A haze of dust, kicked up from the attack, obscured his red-tinged vision, but he knew without seeing that Gaara was approaching.

He felt Kyuubi's chakra envelop him, surging forward to repair its shell. Breathing was rather painful. He'd probably cracked several ribs.

Gaara was being pretty rough with someone he supposedly liked. But then – Naruto had seen what the sand user deemed acceptable to do with people he **didn't** like…

Naruto looked up, his head still ringing unpleasantly. His stomach heaved at the motion. He probably had a mild concussion as well. Fantastic.

A Gaara-shaped form coalesced out of the silt-laden air. As it moved forward, it took on detail, and color.

Red, red, red. Naruto was struck again by the impossible color of the sand-nin's hair, and chose to focus instead on the black, black cloth and fishnet covering the other boy's chest even as he watched the red dance on the corners of his vision. His chest rose and fell easily as he breathed, unlike Naruto's.

Suddenly, black cloth and ivory flesh were a blur of motion and Gaara's face came into view as he crouched down in front of Naruto.

"You heal fast, don't you?"

"…" Naruto decided not to dignify that with an answer. Sure, he was healing, but not fast enough and it still HURT.

Gaara caught Naruto's chin in his hand, forcing him to look up. Naruto saw the kunai only a second before it sliced into his cheek. Warmth trickled down his skin from the cut, before it began to sting. Naruto stared blankly in shock.

Gaara leaned forward as if to kiss him, still holding his head immobile with strong fingertips. His lips brushed by Naruto's, feather-light, a mere breath of touch, bypassing them to lick the blood off his cheek.

 _Too weird!_ Naruto struggled, caught between the tree and the psycho, but he was held firmly in place. His heart knocked painfully into his aching ribs as he suffered Gaara's ministrations.

"Healed, already," Gaara said to himself, reaching up to brush the area he'd marked but a second ago with reverent fingertips. "…you wouldn't break…"

Naruto blanched. _What did I ever do to attract these types?!_ he desperately asked The Powers That Be.

"Gaara, leave Naruto alone," said a bored voice.

Gaara's hand trailed down Naruto's cheek, tracing his jaw… his throat… his collarbone… before he answered, "We train for real life situations, Nara." Gaara's hand felt heavy where it rested on his chest. "You won't always be around to save him."

"Well, I'm here now and I'm telling you to lay off."

Gaara turned slowly to face Shikamaru. "Is that a threat?"

Naruto caught the tail end of one of those creepy smiles that was part anger, part glee. He had to stop this before it got started. "No it isn't," he answered Gaara's question before the pony-tailed boy could speak.

"But – "

"I'm fine, Shikamaru," he said to the dubious look on his friend's face. "I just got careless." He glanced at Gaara. "It won't happen again."

He collected himself, got to his feet, and evaluated his remaining damage. His head felt mostly clear again and his ribs felt marginally better. Mostly, he was noticing now, he was exceedingly hungry.

"How about lunch?" he asked Shikamaru. "It's almost time, isn't it?"

* * *

The brunet looked up at the sky. By his estimation, it was just after 11:30. But there was no rule in the ninja handbook that dictated lunch **had** to be taken at noon, so he nodded.

Though, if such a rulebook existed, it would likely be full of useless things (such as a mandatory time frame for lunch) and in abundance. And it would be written by people who knew next to nothing about being a ninja and what it took to survive, so that it would be nothing but a thorn in the side of people who DID know what they were doing.

 _Yes,_ Shikamaru thought, _someone would likely compile one in the next 5 years._

* * *

"Tsk, Tsk, Sasuke-kun," Lee chided. "When fighting a worthy opponent, you must never let your mind stray from the task at hand."

Sasuke huffed. He was indeed thinking about something else. "That is solid advice, Lee," he conceded. _However, I don't even need half my brain for this._ He regarded the pink menace balefully.

"Do not underestimate Sakura-san, Sasuke-kun. She is a formidable ninja, in her own right."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, and half-heartedly dodged a wide kick thrown by the girl. _And what 'right' would that be, Lee? The only thing she's formidable at is being useless._

It was such a pathetic match-up, that even the rabid fan girls couldn't muster a single 'Oh noes, Sasuke-kuuuuun!'

Sasuke decided to pass the time by challenging himself to evade her attacks with the most minimal effort possible.

After a while, that became mind-numbing as well.

"Oh, come ON, Sakura!" he said with exasperation. "Where are you aiming?"

At this rate, the day would never be over, he would never see Naruto, and he would die of boredom before the sun had a chance to set. Now, he was really hoping Naruto was up for sparring later. His muscles twitched, complaining about the lack of use, and worse than that, he was beginning to feel fidgety. Why was it that Naruto was one of the only people who could offer him a real challenge?

"Sas…u…ke," Sakura sniffed, "Why…are you so MEAN?!"

"Why are YOU so **bad** at this?" Sasuke could be bitchy when he was fidgety. He knew this, though he'd never admit it aloud. But, it was her own fault for boring him into dementia.

"Gah!" she shrieked. "Just because you're hot, that doesn't mean people won't get fed up with your attitude!"

"If they get fed up, does that mean they'll leave me _alone_?" he glared pointedly at his group of admirers. "Because I still have more than my fair share of stalkers!"

"Sasuke-kun, please," Lee interjected with a nice guy smile. "Do not be so harsh…"

"Shut up, Lee," Sakura stormed, effectively destroying the spandex-clad boy's will to live.

She thrust her hands on her hips. "I-I don't even know I like you! You're… you're **rude** , and _arrogant_ …."

"…and sexy," the fan girls chimed in dreamily.

"You stay out of this!" Sakura snarled at them.

"Well, why do you?" Sasuke demanded. "God knows I've done nothing to encourage it. Yet, decent guys like Lee and Naruto decide to like you and you won't give them the time of day. Does that sound **rational** to you?"

Sakura crossed her hands over her chest, and said, "Hmph."

Sasuke heaved a sigh. He should have known reasoning would get him nowhere.

His attention was caught suddenly by a movement near the ground. Lee, tears streaming down his face, was uprooting handfuls of grass, sobbing, "Ten fistfuls of grass, and if I can't eat that… fifty fistfuls of grass… and if I can't eat that…"

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. "Stupid girls," he muttered. Three little words had reduced Lee, a fighter of unparalleled skills, to the mess he saw before him.

It was probably about time to go and meet Naruto now, but Sasuke couldn't leave Lee like this, it was too sad. He sighed, walking over to him and crouched down, looping one of Lee's arms around his neck, then helping him stand.

"W-whyyyyy, Saaa-sasuke-kun?" Lee whimpered. "W-Why do they always go for the j-jerks? Why c-can't the n-nice guys ever get a-ahead?"

 _Why indeed?_ Sasuke wondered, ignoring the jerk comment since the bowl-cut haired ninja was so obviously distressed.

* * *

"Hi, Sas – !" Naruto cut himself off. Upon closer inspection, Sasuke wasn't alone. "Er... what happened to Lee?" The normally hyperactively energetic nice-guy ninja looked… wilty.

"Sakura," Sasuke replied. He looked put-upon and apologetic. "I know we were supposed to hang out, just us, but I couldn't just leave him there. He was eating grass."

Naruto nodded. "Sakura has that effect on people."

"What do you _see_ in her?"

Naruto shrugged. "Can't remember anymore." He added with a wink, "Besides, you know what they say: Black is the new pink." And Sasuke had definitely replaced Sakura as the focus of his more… _scandalous_ thoughts.

" _Dobe_ ," Sasuke muttered, covering the smile that rose to his lips. He felt a little flutter of encouragement and well-being shoot through him. Maybe having Lee along wouldn't mess things up after all.

* * *

They made their way to the Ramen restaurant, Naruto chattering away and Sasuke dragging Lee like a sack of oats.

They secured a table and put in their orders as soon as the waitress came by.

"And what do you want, hun?" the waitress asked Lee with concern.

Naruto looked apologetic, "He'll have the same thing I – "

"SAKÉ," Lee said, his head lolling on the wooden table miserably. "Saké."

Sasuke and Naruto shared a look. Naruto shrugged.

"He just had his heart ripped out by the girl of his dreams," Sasuke explained to the sympathetic waitress. "I think he's entitled."

"Oh, the poor DEAR," she cooed with concern. "Girls these days…" she said, shaking her head. She patted Lee on the back and a tear rolled down his cheek. "I'll bring him the house's finest, no extra charge."

* * *

"Geez," Naruto griped some time later, "They didn't have to throw us out like that. The poor guy's just having a rough time." He shifted his burden and pulled the unconscious Lee's arm more securely about his neck. For looking so skinny, the green-clad ninja was actually pretty heavy.

"What did you expect them to do when Lee went on a rampage?" Sasuke rolled his eyes. He was assisting in carrying the drunken burden. "I'd have hit him upside the head with a broom to knock him out too."

"Guess you're right. I didn't think he'd spaz out like this though… I mean, I know he's upset and all, but I just thought he'd cry into his drink, not try to wreck the place..." (Unbeknownst to Naruto, Neji and Ten-Ten were well aware of this tendency and kept Lee and alcohol as far apart as possible.)

Sasuke shifted Lee's other arm where it lay around his own neck, trying to make the boy less cumbersome to carry. Lee's head flopped forward onto his green spandex covered chest. "You don't happen to know where Lee lives, do you?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto thought for a moment, and shook his head. "Not a clue."

Sasuke sighed. "Well, I guess he'll just have to stay with us at my house for the night."

Naruto looked disappointed, but readily agreed.

* * *

They put Lee in the room they judged could suffer the most damage, and not be too much of a problem, and went upstairs.

Naruto yawned, stretched, and flopped down on Sasuke's bed. "Man, what a day." What a week.

"Why don't we get cleaned up and crash," Sasuke suggested tiredly. "I don't think I can handle this day being any longer."

"I don't think I can move," Naruto said, closing his eyes. "Sooooo tired."

"C'mon," Sasuke yawned again, "… _Dobe_."

"Mphh."

"I can't sleep without a shower," Sasuke stated, prodding him. "Not after not having one this morning, since we were at Neji's and woke up late."

"Oh, 's right. I forgot." Naruto made no move to get up.

"Shower now and sleep in the bed, or don't shower and sleep on the floor," Sasuke offered.

One blue eye opened. "…you're mean, Sasuke…. anyone ever tell you that?"

"Yes, just today in fact."

Naruto sighed and rolled over across the bed, and rolled, and rolled, and let himself fall onto the floor in a heap. He dragged himself to his feet, accepting the hand Sasuke offered him.

* * *

20 uneventful minutes later, Naruto trudged back into Sasuke's room and flopped back onto the bed, face first, and proceeded to await the return of his dark-haired friend. His wet hair was going to make the pillow damp, but he didn't care. Sometimes you were just too damn tired to care.

8 minutes later, Sasuke entered the room. Naruto looked up, deciding he liked the way Sasuke's hair looked wet. It was iron straight, fell in slick, severe lines to either side of his face, and was smoothed down in the back as well. It made him look younger somehow. Vulnerable. "What do you DO in there that takes so long?" Naruto asked him as the other boy threw his towel at a laundry bin.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and made it look elegant. "Same thing you do, I'm sure." He opened a drawer to look for a shirt to sleep in.

Naruto watched him, thinking it would be a shame for him to put one on. After all, despite his exhaustion he was enjoying the view. The smooth line of Sasuke's back shifted subtlety with the interplay of hard earned muscles as he rooted through the drawers, and the glimpses Naruto got of his flat stomach and the defined planes of his chest were making it hard to do anything but stare.

Sasuke found a white shirt, which he deemed satisfactory, and had it pulled up over his arms already before Naruto suggested he go without.

* * *

"Do you always sleep with a shirt on?" the blond asked him.

Sasuke paused, elbow-deep in white cotton. "…no," he said cagily.

"So, you just dress like a prude when I'm here?"

Sasuke's eye twitched. "I don't dress like a prude."

"You sure? I mean, look at you… long pants, a shirt, I'm surprised you don't wear socks to sleep too."

"Just because I sleep in more than boxers?" he inclined his chin at Naruto, who was wearing just that.

"Yeah."

"Hn." How ridiculous was this? Who cared what he wore to bed?

"Unless… you're just afraid you'll get cold at night?" Naruto said patronizingly. He grinned drowsily, "'Cuz if so, I can help keep you warm."

" _Dobe_ ," Sasuke scoffed, refusing to let Naruto make him blush. The blond was leering at him playfully, albeit sleepily, making Sasuke's pulse start tripping anxiously.

Sasuke threw the item of contention back into the dresser with misgivings. He wasn't sure if Naruto was really making a pass at him, or if he just said stupid things when he was tired. Either way, he was concerned about sharing a bed with Naruto with the two of them dressed so sparingly.

The bed seemed daunting now… A place for far more intimate things than sleep…

Last time something had happened, it hadn't gone well. Despite this vibe he felt building and thrumming between them, spurred on by the barest of touches and the intensity that descended when their eyes met… despite all of that… their first time together had been a disaster, and the precursor to one of the most hellish weeks of Sasuke's life. (Ignoring, of course, the childhood trauma part of his life - he didn't like to dwell on that too much.) It was one of the worst fallings out they'd ever had. One of the **only** they'd ever had. And it stemmed from getting close. Physical… Maybe Naruto wouldn't want something like that to happen again, or at least not so soon.

That being the case, he was going to have a hell of a time practicing self-restraint.

Naruto had scooted under the covers and held them open invitingly. Sasuke stared at his muscled arms, lightly muscled chest and the smooth expanse of tawny skin. He got into the bed gingerly, wanting nothing more than to slide his arms around the blond as he slid between the sheets, to kiss his sainted lips and feel them open up to him.

He was trying desperately not to remember the gut-wrenching pleasure he'd experienced with this very same person less than a week ago on the couch downstairs, or the exact feel of his mouth as they'd kissed.

He was failing admirably.

He was overly aware of the blond's body heat, proximity, and the wonderful smell of soap on his skin. There was also feeling of having the space beside him be occupied - the slight dip in the bed from Naruto's weight and the way the air seemed devoid of oxygen, laced with crackling static.

It was a good thing he was so incredibly tired. If he was lucky, sleep would steal his consciousness before he committed yet another _faux pas_.

Sasuke, deciding darkness would speed him towards oblivion, clapped his hands, turning off the light. It was a new addition to his room, one he was rather pleased with.

"Neat, Sasuke," Naruto exclaimed quietly, only half awake. "When'd you get that put in?" Sasuke could hear the grin in Naruto's voice, even if he couldn't see it.

"Recently," he said cryptically, feeling more pleased with the light than before, now that he knew the blond liked it.

Naruto threw his arm over Sasuke's chest and settled comfortably against him. "Always thought that clap-lights were cool," he murmured.

Sasuke froze at the sudden invasion of his personal space. Warm limbs… Warm Naruto… Half-naked Naruto… Warm, sleepy, half-naked Naruto… His lust-addled brain entertained thoughts of shifting in the blond's grip - rolling onto his side, facing Naruto and pulling the other boy's body into his, brushing sleep-slowed lips with hot, meandering kisses.

Sasuke's body tightened as he took those thoughts further. A heady, passionate kiss… The feel of a lean back beneath his hands… Naruto throwing a leg over his hip, bringing their desire dizzyingly close…

Sasuke's body began to thrum with the explicit imagery.

Unfortunately, he was too tired to carry out any of these plans. Not that he wouldn't have maybe tried, and risked the embarrassment of not being able to perform; but Naruto was already asleep, his breathing even and deep.

Sasuke listened to the steady pace of air in, air out, for several long minutes. He tilted his head up and leaned forward just enough to plant a soft kiss on Naruto's whisker-marked cheek.

His body was protesting his acquiescence with letting nothing happen. It was protesting violently. But, he could bear it. As long as Naruto was with him, that was all that mattered. They'd work out the rest as they went along.

* * *

Neji sprawled in the chair at his desk at home and sighed. Today, aside from this morning, had been uneventful and he found himself uncharacteristically bored. Restless.

Once again, training was comprised of those damn tree exercises and other such useless tasks. Kiba and Hinata made eyes at each other more than usual, apparently being a new couple. Once, Kiba fell off of a tree as the dark-haired girl smiled at him unexpectedly. It was disgraceful. Where were the standards of ninja nowadays? Did they let just anybody join up, or what?

Neji hung his head over the back of his chair and sighed again, eyes pointed at the ceiling. He was almost never bored. He hated the feeling. But nothing seemed particularly pressing at the moment and he couldn't seem to interest himself in doing anything.

Maybe he could train… spar with someone that would give him a challenge…

Lee?

No. His exuberance was draining. And at times, wildly annoying. He was a good friend, but right now Neji would just as soon drown himself in the koi pond as spar with him.

Neji tapped his fingers absently on the top of the desk. If Uchiha had still been here, he could have easily goaded him into a fight. It was fun to rattle his cage. And it would be a fight that kept him on his toes, for sure. But…

Neji frowned. Thinking of the fight they'd almost had, he had an image of Naruto push its way into his head. He'd been trying not to think of the blond and how entertaining it was just to be in his presence, or to be talking with him. It was a sad truth, but thoughts of either Sasuke or Naruto often brought to mind the other. Neji was sure it was the same for anyone that knew the two of them. It was like they were a matched set.

Neji pulled himself from his musings as an IM chime sounded. He frowned, distinctly wanting a chance to pummel Uchiha's smug face as he thought of him being with Naruto, and moved his mouse to dispel the screensaver.

**IhaveU :**

_Odd_ , Neji thought. They didn't actually say anything.

 **fateHASu :** Yes?

That name looked familiar as well… where had he seen it before?

 **IhaveU :** Nevermind.

 _IhaveU…IhaveU…_ Neji wracked his brain. Where had he - Oh! Maybe…

 **fateHASu :** Aren't you a Mod for Best BL?

Neji himself was a co-moderator for Best XXX BL Naruto Slash', the fan-fiction site he wrote for. It gave him something to do when he didn't feel particularly creative.

It also gave him access to restricted areas and information. Then, with a little more effort on his part, he was able to create logs of users and corresponding IP addresses to see who was looking at what on the site. That's how he'd discovered that Naruto was posing as Bob. The IP of his computer.

Neji had then looked up 'Bob's' email and password and had to laugh. Naruto had mentioned not one, but both of his teammate's names as well as his own: username _Sasuke-teme,_ password _NarutoRulz,_ and the email SakuraThePinkMenace at webmail . c o m. That 'Bob' was Naruto would have been obvious to anyone, given that.

 **IhaveU :** Yes.

That long of a wait, and the response was only _**one**_ word? Neji felt his eye twitch with irritation. Why would you IM someone and then not say anything? He made himself stay cordial, though any number of other things he'd rather say to the person hammered through his head.

 **fateHASu :** Was there something you wanted? I won't be on for much longer…  
 **IhaveU :** Why do you write.

Neji sighed and rubbed his temples. It was late, but maybe he should call Lee anyway.

 **fateHASu :** I like to. It lets me bend reality to suit my whims.  
 **IhaveU :** I see.  
 **IhaveU :** Why Naruto and Neji.  
 **fateHASu :** It's uncommon. I was also sick of seeing all the Sasuke x Naruto fics out there.  
 **IhaveU :** Gaara or Neji would be more likely to have Naruto than Uchiha.

Something about this conversation was niggling Neji's brain, but he couldn't quite place it.

 **fateHASu :** Perhaps.  
 **IhaveU :** You disagree.  
 **fateHASu :** You seem to know them. Who are you?  
 **IhaveU :** You knowing that… is unnecessary.  
 **fateHASu :** Fantastic.  
 **IhaveU :** Unless, you wish to reveal yourself first.

Why was this person insisting on being so difficult? _And why weren't they using question marks when asking questions?_ It was annoying, like having typos staring you in the face and not being able to change them.

 **fateHASu :** Not particularly.  
 **fateHASu :** Look… I'm not really sure why you decided to IM me, but maybe you should enlighten me soon, before I have to log off.

Neji didn't really have to log off, but it was as good an excuse as any. He really didn't know what to make of this person. They came across as intelligent, stand-offish, and socially impaired. Equal parts intriguing and irritating. Usually he would get the urge to figure someone like this out, but just now he didn't feel up to unraveling the mystery.

* * *

IhaveU looked at his screen, still finding it difficult to get to the point of _why_ he'd called out his co-Mod. He felt irritated himself, and it was coming through in his responses. He was used to identifying what he wanted and _taking_ it. But this… this was a request. This required navigation through the complexities of social interaction.

He clawed his hands through his short hair and scowled at the screen of the laptop. He hated people. And yet, they could be useful. Like so much clay, they could be bent to your will. **_If_** your will was strong enough. But, it was easier just to crush them. Easier, but not always as conducive to obtaining what you want.

Ultimately, what he wanted was Naruto.

But for now, he needed a way to alleviate this gnawing frustration.

 **IhaveU :** Teach me how to write.

Back then, he'd taken the computer he now used from his sister. Curiosity at the electronic device she spent so much time with had overridden his usual disinterest. She started to protest as he'd picked it up but, like always, she stopped before really saying anything and murmured an apology. She'd been in the middle of doing something on it at the time, which is why he chose that moment to liberate it from her.

He'd taken it back to his room and discovered not only the cold, calculating universe of machines but the unfathomable world of human relationships contained in what he now knew to be called fan-fiction.

The site she'd been accessing at the time was none other than 'Best XXX BL Naruto Slash'.

 **fateHASu :** Is that a request, or a demand?  
 **IhaveU :** A request.

He'd become increasingly fascinated by what he'd found on the site. Likewise, the nature of his long-time interest in Naruto suddenly became clear to him.

 **fateHASu :** Why me?

That was simple. It all went back to that day… the day jacketless Naruto stirred up the whole of Konoha. He'd been keeping tabs on the blond. Watching him. He was immersed, fascinated by him, unable to understand the workings of the tortured mind behind the beaming smile. Unable to see how Naruto could still want acceptance so badly from the people who scorned him.

It was amazing how their attitudes had all changed that day. How they dogged his every step with adoration or lust, moved only by the attractive exterior they hadn't noticed before. Conveniently forgetting the way they'd shunned him for years. But then, that was exactly the sort of thing you could expect from people, wasn't it.

Gaara, however, was not guilty of the same crime. He wanted Naruto inside and out. He wanted to peel back that false smile, rip away that happy exterior, and delve into the pain and torment he knew lay beneath.

He'd followed Naruto home. It was an easy thing to get sand inside, through the cracks in the door. Just enough for him to form an eye with which to watch his quarry so he could observe him from a distance.

Later that night, he was surprised to find Naruto trying to access the fanfic site he moderated. A quick search found that the login Naruto created as 'Bob' came from the same IP address of another login that had been used quite prolifically in the preceding weeks: Ramenluvr. And fateHASu was the author Naruto seemed to keep coming back to.

 **IhaveU :** It has to be you.  
 **fateHASu :** Elaborate.

Dammit! Gaara put his hands to his head, pressing the heel of his palms into his temples until his head began to swim and the throbbing receded. Why was this guy being so difficult?!

 **IhaveU :** I tried using your stories, replacing the names.

It was an easy enough thing to replace the names with another… a few clicks of the keyboard, and Gaara's name could replace whatever meaningless character Naruto had been paired with. But this was not without flaws. Descriptions of hair, eyes, personality, the way the story played out. Things like that would be incongruous with the self-insertion.

 **IhaveU :** But it isn't good enough anymore. I need to know how you do it.

He wanted to be able to write out what was in his head. Write it well. And he needed to learn from _this_ person how to do it. This person whose work Naruto seemed to like so much.

* * *

 **fateHASu :** … Well, at least you're honest.  
 **IhaveU :** …

Neji felt a grudging kinship with IhaveU, though having your stories tampered with was a hard pill to swallow. Not that he could complain. After all, he'd done the same thing with other's stories in the past before he'd taken on writing himself.

 **fateHASu :** I used to switch names out in fics too. Not to post or anything, just because no one was writing what I wanted to read. Finally, I got sick of that and tried my hand at being an author.  
 **IhaveU :** I think we understand each other.  
 **fateHASu :** Yes.

There was a long pause. Gaara wondered impatiently if he was getting his way or not. It was hard to tell. Silence was so ambivalent. He formed a small blade of sand and began boring a hole into the desk with it while he waited for a response.

 **fateHASu :** For me to help you… you'll have to be more open.  
 **IhaveU :** What do you mean?

Neji noted the use of the elusive question mark. It made IhaveU seem less rude for some reason, when he bothered with using those.

 **fateHASu :** You'll have to be able to tell me what you're into, what you aren't into, and who your fic is about. What you want to see happen. We'd have to work together to build it from the ground up.

In essence, it would be like co-authoring, or even RPing (roleplaying) the fic.

 **IhaveU :** Are you trying to imply that I'm shy?  
 **fateHASu :** Are you? **  
IhaveU :** I don't know.  
 **fateHASu :** …  
 **fateHASu :** Well…stay honest like you have been, use those question marks, and I'll try my best.

* * *

TBC

hahaha can you even imagine Gaara and Neji RPing a smut fic? XD

well well, a little more unexpected Gaara. and, an unexpectedly long chapter.  
smut kicks off the next one. it wouldn't fit in this one.


	14. Up To No Good

**Everyone Else is Doing IT**  
SasuNaru

Naruto and Sasuke bond unconventionally over XXX Yaoi fanfiction. Neji turns out to have an interesting talent or two. Gaara is Gaara. Psychotic and unpredictable, with a penchant for black.

-XXX smut warning this chapter-

* * *

**Part 14: Up To No Good**

Naruto woke slowly, feeling better than he had in a long time. The air was cool against his nose and cheeks and he burrowed into the warm blankets with a contented sigh.

Despite his attempts to reclaim entry into the dream he'd just been having, he realized he was becoming incrementally more alert. With this, he also noticed he was completely entwined with his bedmate.

 _With Sasuke…_ Naruto had butterflies and a sudden moment of panic, his heart pounding in his throat. He stared up at the dark haired boy's sleeping face... his annoyingly perfect, beautiful face. He still wasn't convinced that it was real, that they'd patched things up somewhat. Sasuke's eyelids fluttered briefly, his long lashes casting shadows on his porcelain cheeks. _How was it even possible that he could be interested in someone like me?_ Naruto thought. _'Course, maybe I'm the only one that will put up with his crap._ He snorted in amusement.

Sasuke stirred, and blinked heavy-lidded onyx eyes.

"Was'so funny…?"

Naruto shook his head and smiled cheekily.

"Pfft. _Dobe_ ," the dark-haired boy muttered groggily, pulling the sheets with him as he turned onto his side.

Naruto stared at his back and smiled wider, thinking that sleepy-disgruntled-Sasuke was almost more adorable than blushing-embarrassed-Sasuke. He ignored the urge to cuddle him, knowing he'd be starting an epic battle by doing so. Still, he was feeling mischievous, and the thought of tormenting Sasuke was soooo tempting.

"Don't even think about it," Sasuke said over his shoulder. "I can tell you're up to no good."

"I'm always up to no good."

Naruto wondered if Sasuke was really serious about him, or if he was confusing love and hormones. This wasn't a knock on Sasuke's intelligence, by any means… it's just that stuff like this was very confusing and Sasuke had never shown interest in _anyone_ before. This situation was completely unprecedented. Still… Sasuke would never have said something as embarrassing as _'I love you'_ , if he hadn't been sure he meant it.

The early morning light was faint. The room was still predominantly dark, but had the soft, cool, ambient illumination that precedes the rising sun by over an hour.

Naruto wasn't a morning person, not by a long shot; but just today, there was a feeling of expectation in the air, of possibility.

Naruto shifted over onto his side, spooning Sasuke and pulling him close. He felt a tremor run through the dark haired boy. Encouraged, he felt his pulse pick up unsteadily. Was he really going to do this? Right now? Was he really going to go for broke and try to seduce his best friend/rival/love interest?

He felt a thrill of anxiety and excitement, as he decided yes... Yes, he was.

He nuzzled the smooth column of Sasuke's neck, feeling a flurry of butterflies charging through his stomach, and let one of his hands explore the other boy's chest. He tried not to think, or to worry about rejection and other entirely possible things that he hoped would not happen. He turned off his brain and let himself be governed by instinct alone.

There… just now… a hitched breath.

And another, as his fingertips skimmed over a nipple.

Naruto rolled it with in lazy circles with the pad of his thumb, feeling Sasuke's body tense and shake. He lipped the outer edge of the other boy's ear, eliciting a gasp as he bit the lobe. Sasuke smelled so _good_. He wanted to taste him, and to revel in the pure essence of this boy he had come to want so desperately.

Naruto breathed him in, feeling as if his head was going to float off his shoulders. That scent… that delicious scent… His lips returned to the boy's throat. He sucked on delicate flesh, just above a jumping pulse.

He felt his head spin as Sasuke made a faint noise - almost a whimper.

Sasuke's reactions, reactions to _him_ were heady. Proud, restrained Uchiha, coming undone right before his eyes…

He slipped a leg over Sasuke's, hooking it and drawing it apart from the other as he rolled Sasuke on his back.

He wanted this.

Sasuke was biting his lip, and his chest rose and fell with accelerated breathing. His dark eyes met Naruto's, guarded, but swimming with restrained lust. Deep as the night sky, with flecks of stars, burning fever bright.

Naruto swallowed, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Out of his league, was all he could think, his heart beating so hard and fast that his chest felt numb. This boy was out of his league. Surely any minute now, Sasuke would laugh at him for ever daring to hope that they could be together. The fool and the genius. Beauty and the beast. The exalted Uchiha and the cursed Uzumaki. _You can laugh now, Sasuke, I can take it,_ he thought at him while also thinking, frantically, _No, I can't._

But Sasuke did nothing but meet his eyes.

He did nothing but lure Naruto in with his penetrating gaze. Like the seductive dance of the cobra, his eyes did things that made Naruto unaware of anything else. They pulled at things low in his body, as if they held the key to his very being.

Naruto felt himself falling towards them, hypnotic pools of darkness, wells of desire, fueled by the need they were sparking to life in every fiber of his being. His lips met Sasuke's and he melted-sank into the hot link of their mouths.

Naruto caressed the curve of Sasuke's hip, running his thumb down, down, dragging the waistband of the pants with him.

* * *

Sasuke made a noise in the back of his throat, his body tensing as the blond's hand flirted with taking this further. His dark eyes closed. He wanted it. _God_ , he wanted it. The muscles in his stomach jumped as Naruto's fingers brushed over them. His body was shaking with the need to be touched. But he wasn't going to ask for it; he had to know he wasn't pushing things and the only way to do that was to let Naruto have control. Oh, it was hard. Sasuke never knew that giving someone else control could be this difficult… or this _erotic_.

* * *

Naruto watched the play of emotions on his friend's face, marveling at the sheer feeling of power he got from being able to have this effect on him. He slid his hand across Sasuke's stomach and down, palming the other boy's need and massaging him experimentally.

Sasuke cried out, making the growing ache in Naruto's belly flare suddenly in response. _God… to feel like this… and he hasn't even touched me yet._ How could this feel so hot, just hearing him sound like that? Naruto increased the pressure, stroking more firmly. Sasuke was biting his lip, trying to keep silent, damp black hair framing his flushed face. He was gorgeous.

 _I want to…_ Naruto thought at him as he licked at a dusky nipple. _I want to, with you…_

He didn't know how to ask and words seemed taboo here. They were navigating on nothing but sight and touch.

Naruto pulled Sasuke's pants down off his hips, past his thighs and the dark haired boy kicked them the rest of the way off.

Sasuke hooked a hand in the waistband of Naruto's boxers, pulling them down an inch or so then stopped, pausing in query. He had to remind himself that he was letting Naruto lead. That what he wanted, which involved no clothing and lots of full-body contact, came second to what Naruto wanted.

Naruto kissed him deeply in response and shimmied out of the unwanted clothing with Sasuke's help, his heart beating a frantic tattoo as he thought of what they were about to do. He hovered over his friend, feeling both shy and unbearably turned on. Then, Sasuke's arms were wrapping around him and pulling him down.

Nails tracked down Naruto's back, leaving a stinging trail that melted into intense pleasure as they made their way over his backside and suddenly _squeezed,_ pulling their hips into close contact.

Sasuke's grip on Naruto's ass tightened demandingly and he rolled his hips upward.

 _Oh god, oh god, oh god…_ Naruto thought as the pleasure happily short circuited his brain.

They were both achingly hard and the friction borne between them was maddening/ delicious/unbearable. They both gasped out as they moved, not even aware of doing so.

 _Sasuke, I want to…_ Naruto thought hazily, as the pressure within him continued to build. _Inside you…_

But there was something they needed for that. Naruto rallied his last two coherent brain cells and looked over in the near dark at the nightstand beside the bed, looking for something most guys had on hand in some form or another, his eyes alighting on an innocuous bottle of lotion that was about to become the most indispensable item in the world. He reached for it, biting his lip again as Sasuke used that moment to suck and bite at his neck. He shuddered. _Oh god. I'll never make it,_ he thought as his fingers reached the small bottle. He was going to lose it right here.

* * *

Sasuke watched Naruto with lust glazed eyes as the blond reached to attain his immediate goal. He knew what his soon-to-be lover was planning to do with it, but wasn't sure how he felt about it. He'd never seen himself as the _uke_. But then, Naruto probably had the same thought himself.

Why was he even thinking of this right now? More than anything, Sasuke wanted to soothe this desperate, insane, pulsing ACHE that was taking over his entire being. Top or bottom, it really shouldn't matter… But, he couldn't quite subdue his need to compete with the blond.

Sasuke leaned upward, tilting his face into the hollow between Naruto's neck and shoulder. He ravaged the blond's slightly salty flesh, teasing, licking, biting, anything to drive the other boy completely mindless with desire.

Naruto moaned, collapsing on top of him as Sasuke's hands joined in the fray, eclipsing all his thought processes with ' _ohmygodyes'_.

Sasuke smirked and rolled them over so he was on top. He grabbed Naruto's wrists in one hand, pinning them to the bed above his head. He ground into the other boy's hips noticing with amusement how the blond's limp hand barely held onto the bottle of lotion. _I win, Dobe,_ he thought smugly.

He started to lift the bottle from Naruto's hand when tanned fingers tightened their grip and two fierce, blue, lust-crazed eyes opened, surveying him through tiny slits.

Naruto smiled in a way that made Sasuke's very toes curl, wrapped his legs around the dark haired boy and rolled them over with a twist of his body so that Sasuke was once more pinned beneath him.

 _Submit!_ Naruto's eyes demanded as the two of them faced off.

Sasuke's arms were now pinned beneath Naruto's and he found that he couldn't really move. As he tested the strength of his imprisonment, something flared in Naruto's eyes. Sasuke's breath caught at the possessiveness and challenge in that darkened blue gaze; he shuddered as a debilitating surge of electric energy raced up his spine and through his flesh.

Naruto chose that moment to mark Sasuke's neck with his teeth, dragging a choked moan from the boy's throat as he also circled heated flesh with the palm of his hand.

 _Yes, Sasuke,_ Naruto thought as his hand moved. _Feel me… want me…_

He stared deep into hooded onyx eyes, loving every moan he was able to wring from the stoic boy's lips.

When Sasuke was panting and completely breathless, Naruto opened the lotion and squeezed some into his hand. He made sure to distract the other boy with teasing kisses and fleeting touches while he applied the lotion. His lips ghosted Sasuke's and he flicked the kiss-bruised lower lip with the tip of his tongue, pulling back the second Sasuke started to respond. When Sasuke caught on to this, Naruto would change tactics, boldly slipping his tongue past lips set with frustration, kissing him long and deep. Then he would go back to the butterfly kisses that were surely driving Sasuke insane.

When he was finished he tossed the bottle aside and stroked Sasuke's length with one lotion slicked hand, and stretched him with the other, until Sasuke's back arched as he desperately sought relief.

Sasuke's brain malfunctioned and all he could think was _hot/slippery/ahhhhhhh yes!_

Naruto gripped Sasuke's hips, forcing him to stillness, then pressed against his entrance, meeting with tight/hot resistance as he pushed inside and was swallowed inch by inch by inch. Sasuke's nails, deeply imbedded into his back, were the only indication of his discomfort.

Naruto pulled out slowly and pushed back in, dizzy from the constriction of the smooth walls that hugged him so snugly. His breath was coming in ragged gasps now, his hands shaking as he moved to touch Sasuke – to grip his heartbeat, incased in iron hard flesh. _Too, too much._ The feel of Sasuke surrounding him… fighting him… swallowing him… It was almost painful, yet he couldn't stop.

Sasuke gasped as Naruto shifted position slightly, changing his angle so each time he drove forward he was brushing against his prostate. Naruto knew when he hit the spot because he could _feel_ Sasuke's pleasure as it rippled through his body. He thrust forward again, and again, stroking his lover firmly in tandem. The undulating friction that met his thrusts was driving him crazy, sharpening his need to a knife-point.

Sasuke tensed beneath him, his body tightening unbelievably as Naruto struck home again and again, harder, faster, deeper. Then the nails in Naruto's back dug deep, possibly drawing blood as Sasuke's back arched like a bow and he shuddered in release.

The barely uttered sound that left his lips did Naruto in. He cried out as he was overwhelmed by sensation, orgasm racing through him like wildfire, burning up every cell in his body until he collapsed heavily, boneless and mindless, next to Sasuke.

"Wow," Naruto said faintly after several minutes had passed, his mind feeling like a blown out speaker. "Why did it take us so long to get to this?"

"I think the answer to that is stalkers, stupidity, insecurities, and bad timing," Sasuke said drowsily. "Not necessarily in that order."

Naruto propped himself up on an elbow and looked at Sasuke blandly. "Whatcha tryin' to say, Uchiha? Calling me stupid again?" The corner of his mouth was quirking up as he failed to keep a straight face.

"Of course not…. _Dobe_ ," Sasuke needled him, amusement shining in his dark eyes.

Naruto grinned and flopped back down upon the dark haired boy. "Jerk." He threw an arm around him and molded against his side as he closed his eyes. "Now I'm all tired again, and we just woke up."

Sasuke snorted and brought his arm around to hold the blond.

It was so peaceful like this: the sun slowly brightening the room, taking the edge off the chill air; Naruto's messy blond hair, soft against his chest... It still amazed him that he and Naruto fit together like puzzle pieces.

"I missed you, Sasuke," Naruto said, his mood turning pensive. "Even when we were fighting…"

Sasuke ran a hand through Naruto's hair, then tilted his sunshine-blond head and pressed a kiss to it. "I thought about you all the time."

"Really?" Naruto sounded surprised.

Sasuke smiled wryly. "Yeah. I was certain I'd lost you to Neji."

Naruto hugged him close, and petulantly said, "I'd thought about it."

Sasuke stopped breathing. His brain was sluggishly trying to wrap itself around the statement, even as he felt the threadings of panic begin to infuse his system. "You did?" he finally managed to ask.

Naruto laughed. Amused… but there was an edge to it. Azure eyes turned up to meet his. They looked so serious. "I've liked you for a long time now, Sasuke… and just recently, I started to give up."

Sasuke swallowed the lump in his throat. _Coffee. Alcohol. I need something if this is whole thing is really going south._ Could it go wrong this quickly? They'd only been together for all of an hour. Shouldn't new relationships have some sort of immunity against issues, at least for the first day? He started to sit up, mind whirling on the focused need for caffeine or liquor, whichever he came upon first.

Naruto held him down, determined to make him listen. "To be honest, I like Neji."

 _Oh, I can't take this,_ inner Sasuke wailed in defeat. _Damn you Hyuuga! As soon as I get out of this bed I'm going to kick your -_

"But even with you being such an ass," Naruto continued, "I just couldn't give up on you."

Sasuke blinked.

Naruto's head rested back against his chest. "It's so crazy, it must be love."

Sasuke blinked again. Love? Love was good. 'Love' trumped 'like'. So that meant he wasn't losing to Hyuuga . But still…

Sasuke looked down at Naruto's blond head and serene face. "I'm not sure whether that was supposed to make me feel good or worried."

"Neither. You're supposed to feel overwhelming gratitude that we're together, and repent your bastardly ways. Ow-" Naruto broke off as Sasuke cuffed him in the head.

"Why do I even bother taking you seriously?" Sasuke tried to scowl but ended up laughing despite himself as relief coursed through him. _Oh, thank god. Crisis averted._ "You had me going for a minute there."

Naruto grinned. "I couldn't resist - you were listening so intently."

"Hn."

_I love you too, but you're going to pay for that one, Dobe…_

_Just as soon as we get some more sleep…_

Naruto intertwined himself with Sasuke once more, snickering to himself as he felt him sleepily plotting payback.

Well, it had to be said, one way or another. Sasuke had to be more aware of his actions and how they affected other people, namely himself. And that caring about someone wasn't enough – you had to treat them decently too. Also, he wanted his friend to know how utterly amazing it was that they were here now, like this. But Sasuke knew that. It was written all over his face. Naruto smiled. His limbs felt heavy now, and he had the sensation that he was melting into Sasuke where their bodies overlapped. It was a strange thought, but a good feeling. His eyes slid closed and he began to drift off again, lulled by the sweet sound of his love's breathing.

* * *

"Sasuke…Naruto… Your love is so pure and true!" Lee said emotionally, breaking the tranquility of the moment. Two startled pairs of eyes flew open to see him stride more fully into the room, a wistful look on his face.

Naruto bolted into an upright position and pantomimed frantically ' _WTF, Sasuke?'_ while Lee struck a pose.

Sasuke shrugged emphatically, looking stricken.

"It made me realize something," Lee continued. He didn't seem to notice their eyes bulging out of their sockets, their predominantly reddened complexions, or the fact that they were in bed, naked together. "All this time… Guy-sensei is the only one for me."

Sasuke started coughing violently.

The shock of being walked in on, followed by THAT declaration of love was just too much input. His brain started to misfire, telling his body that breathing while swallowing was an excellent idea.

"What about Sakura?" Naruto asked while thumping Sasuke on the back. He was desperately trying to distract himself from the painful awkwardness of this situation and the brain crushing horror of Lee's admission (that he SO did not want to picture) by doing what he did best: talking.

"Sakura was nothing but a mirage," Lee said dramatically. "I too will swear off women, my friends, for they are nothing but heartache!"

Sasuke recovered enough to ask, "Lee, haven't you ever heard of _knocking_?"

"Boots? Yes." Lee's eyes shone with a faraway look. "It is something I've long dreamed of, but have never had the fortune of experiencing for myself, despite my obvious appeal."

Lee dropped and did 10 pushups in the blink of an eye, then leapt to his feet and thumped his chest just over his heart. "This body of pure majesty was meant for none other than my greatest mentor! How could I have been so blind until now? This hair… these clothes… I emulate him out of _love_! How could I not see it before? I truly would have been ashamed and heartbroken had I wasted myself on someone else."

"Er…Lee?" Naruto said, still groggy from sleep and disturbed at the thought of the two green spandex-clad ninja in _luuurve_. "Does Guy-sensei know how you feel?"

"Of course, he –" Lee stopped. "Well, that is to say – " Lee stopped again, looking perplexed. "Surely he would echo such depth of feeling…"

Naruto felt bad. He really did. "Just because it's strong, doesn't mean it's – " _Reciprocated_ , he was going to say, but Lee cut him off with a wail of anguish as he fell to his knees.

"OOOhhhh who am I _kidding_?!" He slumped over and stared sullenly at the floor, looking as if he'd just accidentally kicked his own puppy. "Since when has my luck been that good? Since when has anything been easy for ME? I'm a 'nice' guy. Life likes to scoff at us and kick us in the unmentionables just for fun."

"But… Guy-sensei is a 'nice' guy too," Naruto tried. "Maybe it'll work out."

"Nooo, nooo, I am not worthy of such greatness. If Life is kicking Guy-sensei like that, then his — must be made of _STEEL_."

Naruto looked at Sasuke helplessly.

This is not what he imagined waking up next to Sasuke would be like. Naked and sexed up? Yes. Naked and sexed up with a hysterical lovelorn-for-Guy-sensei Lee crying on his floor? Not so much. Wait, wait, wait. Now someone's cell phone was ringing. Could it get any better than this?

It could! Naruto's cell phone was the one that was ringing and he had no idea where his boxers were.

Naruto crawled over Sasuke and tugged the sheet with him, so he wouldn't flash the room as he retrieved his phone. Sasuke had to make a grab for the comforter as it was almost whisked off the bed as well.

"Hello?" Naruto said.

"Narutooo! Hey man, what's up?"

Naruto looked around the room and surveyed the chaos. Lee's phone had started ringing. The sodden-faced ninja answered his phone and then said, "Neji… I realized something today…"

"Nothing's up," Naruto told Kiba. "Nothing at all. Except you still have the absolute worst timing ever! How do you even manage it?"

"Haha! It's a talent." Naruto could hear Kiba ginning into the phone. "Listen, I have great news! You're never gonna believe this…"

"Yeah? Try me."

"I'm going out with _Hinata_ , man!"

"You don't say."

"You don't sound surprised…" Kiba sounded disappointed.

"Kiba, let me give you a rundown of my life at the moment. I was being stalked by not one guy, but TWO. One of which is Gaara and, let me tell you, that is **not** fun times. Sasuke and I are _together_ now, as he confessed his love to me yesterday, and we would be having post-coital bliss at this very moment if it weren't being interrupted by a distraught Lee who has now announced he's in love with Guy-sensei." Naruto took a breath. "I think I'm unfazeable at this point."

"Er… we kissed the other day," Kiba offered, not knowing what else to say. It was a lot to absorb all at once.

"I'll meet up with you later, and you can tell me all about it."

"You ok, man? You're not going crazy or anything are you?"

"I think if I was crazy, this'd all be seeming a hell of a lot funnier."

"True that. Well, if you find yourself on the edge, give me a call. I'll pull you back."

 _If I got any closer to the edge, I'd be over it._ "Thanks, Kiba. I'll catch you later."

Naruto snapped his phone closed and addressed the room. "Who's up for some ramen?"

* * *

**END**

Full throttle till the end, yeah!

My apologies for there not being more smut… That's just how this cookie crumbled. ;

But the Neji/Naruto fic I'd been writing during this will post soon (The Hyuuga Swap). I hope you'll give it a try!

**-Afterward-**

Neji heard Naruto's summation of events over the phone, poor guy. What a way to learn someone is no longer available!

It is likely, that through the warping of reality and time-space, RPing could lead to a relationship between our two loveable stalkers. But it would be a gazillion chapters worth of Gaara having to take down his walls, and Neji being patient and trying not to beat his head **into** a wall. Heh heh. Or, they could just as easily decide to kill each other when their identities are revealed (or even just pretend the RPing never happened, and that they suddenly do. not. know. each other).

I don't know if Lee and Gai get together, as my brain rebels at pursuing that line of thought.

Thank you for reading! And thank you for as always for reviewing! :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, check out the fic that was a spinoff of this one - The Hyuuga Swap! (NejiNaru) :D
> 
>  **How this came about...**  
>  I felt kinda bad for Neji in the course of this fic, and could kinda see him and Naruto being a thing if it hadn't been for Sasuke. So, I wrote an AU where this could happen. Sasuke is in it also, but he and Naruto are BFFs. The style is similar, humor and such, but less crack-y.
> 
> Luv  
> xoxo


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